What Would Davezilla Do?

If you were given one million dollars to spend on your loved ones, and only one week to do it, how would you cheat to keep it all for yourself?


  1. Anna

    No cheatin … I’d just kill um and run like hell.

  2. Spud

    Why do you ask daveidge?
    However I would propose the following:
    1. Buy real estate in said loved ones names.
    2. Buy gold in said loved ones names.
    3. Get the cash and disappear to a south seas island paradise.
    4. Transfer all monies to a swiss bank account.

    Actually I have no idea.

  3. Spud

    I vote for a fix in the comments.
    Narrowness is most unbecoming.

  4. smizzy

    Run. *with* the money. And only assay those who will still know who I am in ten years.

  5. I’d marry Dubya. That would make the loved ones disown me, and then the money is all mine to keep, baby! muahahaha.

    Kidding. You know I don’t have a selfish bone in my body. Except maybe the right tibia. 😉

  6. Oh yeah, and I am with Spud (re: narrowness).

  7. ReV.JeLLyBaBY

    KEEP a million dollars from your family in 8 easy steps!

    1/ Buy a small island in the South Pacific

    2/ Build a secret base in a volcano like in James Bond.

    3/ Hire “Evil” scientist to build a death ray.

    4/ Use threat of death ray to hold world to ransom.

    5/ Kill James Bond IMMEDIATELY upon arrival. DON’T piss about with sharks, rockets, lasers! DO NOT leave him unattended! Just shoot him a bit.

    6/ Build a large pit of sharks under a trapdoor.

    7/ Invite family to stand on the “X” and pull lever.

    8/ Keep the money and make further savings as no more Birthday gifts or Christmas presents will be required as you are now an orphan.


  8. ReV.JeLLyBaBY

    Or alternatively…….In 3 EASY STEPS!

    1/ Adopt ReV.JeLLyBaBY

    2/ Give 1 million to said ReV.JeLLYBABY

    3/ Try to find ReV.JeLLYBABY!

  9. paddlepoplion

    oooooooohhh yeah, guess who finally has adsl now.

  10. I think I’d probably end up buying a zillion CD’s and movies I know they’d never watch anyway.

  11. Oh, you IE Win users are never satisfied! Last week it was too wide. This week it’s too narrow. 😛 Kidding. Really. You’re beautiful. All of you.

    Now a warning. Since some of you are still using IE after all the news warnings over the past three weeks from the tech media (including Microsoft themselves) that IE is no longer safe to use, I must assume you were somehow hiding under a rock. Seriously. Download another browser now. This is not a joke. I work at one of the largest ad agencies and we were warned to use Mozilla until this critical issue is solved (the patch released last week has several serious holes).

    Business Week: Why I’m Staying Away From Internet Explorer
    The Register UK: CERT recommends anything but IE
    Infoworld: Microsoft, under attack, aims to offer security
    Microsoft: What You Should Know About Download.Ject
    CNet: Microsoft’s Patchwork Mess
    Bank Info Security: CERT recommends any browser but Internet Explorer

  12. ReV.JeLLyBaBY


    Whats that got to do with one million dollars and ripping off your relatives?

  13. ReV.JeLLyBaBY

    Oh Bill Gates!

    I get it now!

  14. ReV.JeLLyBaBY

    Yes, whatever “it” is.

    If its BAD I did “it”!


    P.S Just don’t ask me to do “it” again.

  15. ReV.JeLLyBaBY

    Rev’s Hot Sausage & Chicken Pasta:


    Pack of pasta (any type)
    Smoked Sausage
    Shredded cooked chicken
    Garlic Powder
    1 onion
    1 Green and Red Pepper
    Chilli Powder
    Tomato Pasta Sauce

    How to:

    Boil pasta, Grill Sausage, onion, peppers and pepperoni, Grate cheese, throw pasta mixed with the pasta sauce (when cooked) in a bowl, add cheese, chilli powder, garlic powder and then when cheese melts throw it all into the bowl.

    Stir and serve.

  16. mikeB

    Welcome to Davezilla where you get humor, bad fashion, CERT warnings and cooking tips from mad Englishmen.

  17. ReV.JeLLyBaBY


    Can you come and stand on this “X” for a second?


  18. I love myself.

    I am my own loved one. End of dilemma!

    (Except for the fact that I know have the song “I Touch Myself” running through my head.)

  19. infinity

    hola, i would just hide it under my bed withthe rest of the cash from the drug deal

  20. a

    I would hire myself to write them a pretty poem.
    I would pay myself $1 million to do this.
    The poem would mostly be about a pony.

  21. Esther

    Damn, now I’m hungry and paranoid.

  22. Nin

    Since I’m a mere teenager, I would concoct a false will, leaving everything to me. I’d ask my dad to sign it, telling him I need his signature for one of those ever-popular summer field trips. He’ll sign it (he’s kind of … unknowing). I’ll get one of the several Rural Mafia Members I know to do the dirty work. Voila!

  23. Spud

    Note to Dave #285/H6

    I am using mozilla.


  24. Jake Conner

    FireFox 0.9.1 ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Spud

    I’m elitist like that…

  26. Yer all amateurs! You have to think sneaky!

    First, all smiles and roses, you present a cheque for $1,000,000 to your 75 year old mother… “Mom, for all the years you supported me!”

    Second, let the week pass and you are free and clear.

    Third, after having prepared several tape recordings on those crappy Radio Shack tape recorders, you start the next phase of the plan.

    Using a payphone in downtown Hamilton, you call your mother’s house and playback the first recording:
    Mom, are you there, it’s me, Dave… Mom, you got to help me, you got to give the money back (Other voice: hurry up!) Mom, help! CLICK

    Give her about half an hour to take her meds… and call her back:
    Mom, it’s Dave! you’ve got to … (Other Voice: you got two hours, or he’s dead. Don’t go to the police or —) — sfx: whap! Groan… Mom, he means business. He wants you to go to Copps Coliseum, make the cheque out to me, and leave it in locker number 98. He says he will let me live

    Follow through with the plan, go and pick up your new cheque over at Copps Coliseum, conveniently made out to YOU, and maybe you can afford the trips to the psychiatrist for your mother… if she lives through it all.

  27. That’s easy. I’d simply give it all to someone I know would give it all back to me tenfold, no questions asked. 🙂

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