What I Learned from Movies: Car Chases

27 December, 2009Posted inObservations14 Comments
All car in a chase will eventually run into an Italian fruit stand ominously parked in the middle of the road. This fruit stand is an omen of death and the proprietor is actually a minor demon; a minion of Lucifer set to test mankind's will… and driving skills. Alternatively, two elderly identical men will be carrying a large pane of glass across the street without OSHA-approved gear. It is rumored that the glass industry is in a slump, and employees are required to listen to police radios for possible police chases. This gives them ample opportunity to sue for…

Bigfoot’s Diary

03 December, 2009Posted inObservations15 Comments
2 Dec 2009 10 AM: Spent the morning leaving deliberate tracks in the snow near that stupid hunter's cabin. Made sure to leave a clump of rat hair on fence nearby. Took a long dump on his front porch, but decided to scoop it up and smoosh it in his mailbox instead. PUNK'D! Thought it might be funny to remind the park rangers of my existence, so I walked in front of the infra-red wildlife cameras. Here's the trick to wildlife cameras. Listen for the click and release of the shutter. Count carefully, so when you walk in front of…

Annual Thanksgiving Day List

26 November, 2009Posted inObservations14 Comments
Longtime readers know that every year I write a list on Thanksgiving of what I am thankful for. This year is no exception. Please let everyone know what you are thankful for in the comments. I am thankful that… …Sarah Palin is back to being America's prettiest moose hunter. …cats cannot manipulate Plutonium. …unlike killer bees, poutine has not managed to cross the border into the US. …Uggs are not mandatory school uniform wear. Nor are Crocs. …Paris Hilton has disappeared from the media spotlight. …icebergs cannot fly. …mullets are popular again. Just for the comedic value I require. …people…