The Hate Cake
My mother made me a Hate Cake today. I don't know what I did to upset her so, but it must have been bad. This was the meanest Hate Cake I'd ever seen. And I've seen plenty in my time. In place of flour, she'd substituted plaster dust. The cake had three wicked layers—each more revolting than the one below it. Each layer was separated by a thin glacé of duck lard. The bottom layer had a fine dusting of used coffee grounds to add texture and a less than delightful crunch. Layer two was equally appalling. It had a…
DIY Hints You Should Probably Ignore
Need to liven up the office Xmas party? Photoshop your coworkers' heads into pictures from questionable websites and you've got a slideshow everyone will be talking about! Use Strontium-90 to soothe a colicky baby. Old Ethernet cables make great leashes for the elderly! Use "Swiffer" sheets to quickly erase your sibling's homework. Worried about what your kids are texting? Change all the phone numbers of their besties in their phone's contact list to the local police's number. Hilarity ensues. Rub butter on a sunburned, old man to roast him faster. Use a roll of tin foil to silence a nosy…
Grammar: You’re doing it wrong
Really not sure what disturbs me more: The phrase, the lack of apostrophes or the letter spacing.
What’s Your Deepest Fear?
Out with it. What's your deepest, darkest fear? Turns out, I have quite a few. Here's my top ten: Given a life sentence in a prison populated by mimes and clowns. Rosie O'Donnell runs for president in 2016. She takes Sarah Palin as VP in a surprise move. They call it the She Party, win by a slim margin and force every man in America to become cross-dressing house slaves. A global crop disease leaves the earth with only figs to eat. Cats evolve opposable thumbs and take over the Illuminati. Gauchos, Crocs, Jeggings, prison pants and skorts become mandatory…
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