Only in Royal Oak…

Longtime readers will know that I have spent the majority of my life in Royal Oak, Michigan — a strange little town with a penchant for weirdness. We could just as easily deserve our own version of Austin’s tagline. “ Keep Royal Oak weird.” Last night, while walking home with my honey, we noticed another oddity. Only in Royal Oak can you purchase a gallon of Bulleit Rye, Falafel, an Bitcoin, all in the same … gas station. Falafel, Bitcoin, and Booze by the gallon, What more could you ask for from a gas station?

Garganornis: Even its name is evil

Just picture being a Cro Magnon. You’ve just gotten a nice cave in the ‘burbs for the fam. Worked hard on the garden damn, those 15 lb. Rafflesia flowers are looking fine. Then you hear it. Honking. Not the wimpy honk of a long-dead Velociraptor. Nope. There used to be a giant goose named Garganornis. It was so tall, it stood up to Chris Helmsworth’s nipples. Picture a flock of giant geese shitting on your lawn and not just hissing at you. These fuckers would just eat your face and change your cable channels. Garganornis ballmanni. Photo via WikiMedia.
Photo by @rocinante_11 Mick Haupt on Unsplash

Ten things that bug me about lockdown

Having to actually answer the phone because people know I am home.Seeing dust enough to actually feel compelled to do something about it.My Amazon bill.My dog only barks during Zoom meetings.My dog only shits on the floor during Zoom meetings.My dog only gets hungry during Zoom meetings.Not having mail.Having mail.People I don't like that can recognize me in a mask from 100 yards.People I like that cannot recognize me in a mask from 100 inches. What bugs you about lockdown?