Terrible Ideas for Tattoos

12 June, 2022Posted inBad Ideas
I've seen some terrible ideas for tattoos in my time. Hell, I've come up with some. But the public does it better. Homer Simpson bending over so the tat owner's navel is his asshole. The Warner Bros. Tasmanian Devil holding a beer, with the caption, this bud's for me (alternately with a joint). And I really don't get the goth girls who get open-mouthed devil faces down there. Thanks, no. Here's some more that really exist. You're welcome.

You needed lungs of steel

08 January, 2022Posted inBad Ideas
Remember this shit? I could never get a bubble bigger than 2” and it smelled like a Victorian turpentine factory. The bubbles were generally forest green with the faintest whisper of yellow. “Here, kids! It’s like lung cancer in a tube. Knock yourself out.” SuperElasticBubblePlastic, next to Jarts, it claimed more childhood lives in the 1970s than riding in cars without safety belts. But don’t take my word for it. This shit was deadly. There’s even a Wikipedia page about it. It was made from polyvinyl acetate dissolved in acetone. You know, for kids!
William Shakespeare

If Shakespeare was alive today…

06 April, 2020Posted inBad Ideas
As You Liked ItReddit, the IIIMacBeth ProA Comedy of Autocorrect ErrorsThe Two Gentlemen of GrindrMuch Ado About SnapChatPericles, Prince of TinderThe Scary Hoes of WindsorThe Taming of the Autocorrect A Yelper’s Complaint Please add more to this list!
Photo of a reader's books on a table, by freestocks on Unsplash

Dank and Blight’s Elements of Style for Today’s Reader

18 February, 2020Posted inBad Ideas
Chapter One Times have changed. The attention span of today's reader is known to be slightly less than that of a Junebug. As such, the volume of text required has lessened substantially. The amount of copy required to produce a meme is, in today's world, sufficient for a technical whitepaper. The reader is, simply put, an imbecile. You will have to find a way to live with that. Assume everything you write will be comprehended as if read to a fourteen-year-old, Dutch cat with severe hearing loss. You won't be far off. Today's readers (if they can be referred to…