How to destroy your eyes in 7 simple steps

  1. Get called to fly out fo state for work on a moment’s notice
  2. Stay up till 2am working on a new business pitch with your coworkers
  3. Deliver the pitch at the crack of dawn
  4. Fly home next to someone who is clearly wearing perfume as a body glaze
  5. Ensure that you get a seat on the sold out flight facing the setting sun
  6. Go from the airport straight to the optician to pick up new glasses, which incidentally, are your first time wearing bifocals
  7. Attempt to see
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  1. That’s why it’s called the Red-Eye flight.

    I got trifocals, lineless, so no one could tell how bad my eyes had gotten. But then I have to tell everyone that they are trifocals to excuse why the f*** I can’t see close, far or mid range. *&%^$#!!!!!

  2. tinamarie

    I went for contacts, and then discovered that they can be a real pain if you don’t have wetting solution on you. With all the dust storms, etc. in Phoenix, I carry enough saline solutino for myself, the guy next door, and two other people.

    Of course, it is always fun for me to ask “Your contacts bothering you? I’ve got some stuff to make you wet.”

    You bet your ass I do!

  3. tinamarie

    By the way–YES, as it appears, I do carry Italian saline “solutino.” None of that cheap American saline solution for me. Only the imported stuff. πŸ™„

  4. I thought solutino was a coffee beverage that the ‘Zilla got from his Baristas

  5. 8. Stare at a computer screen to document how to destroy your eyes in 7, now 8, steps.

    Poor Zilla. Maybe flushing your eyes with solutino is the solution. πŸ˜€

  6. I’m impressed you made it to #7, most would have cashed it in at #2.

    Of course, once you have someone peel back your cornea and vaporize your sclera with a laser, it takes no less than shards of flying glass to invoke a response. 😎

  7. Patrick

    I can destroy my eyes in two simple steps:
    1. Consume large quantities of beer.
    2. Don’t get enough sleep.

  8. frisko

    Poor Zilla. Everyone who has worn glasses knows the worst is reaching for them in the dark, hearing them fall to the floor and knowing that if you step one foot out of the bed you are going to step on your glasses. I just love hanging out of bed, patting around the floor to find them.

    Don’t look down too fast, and careful walking in your new glasses.

  9. frisko

    The link of the day works also if you take your glasses off….provided you are blind like a bat.

  10. Spud

    I think it’s a very comprehensive list, not much could go wrong with a plan like that.


  11. bo

    Consider yourself Trifoculated, a syndrome that occurs to individuals with new prescrition trifocals , your eyes haven’t a chance for at least a week.:wtf:

  12. Ok Oedipus, quiet down. You’d think you had LASIK surgery or something.

    You know, I went and investigated that surgery because I’m going blind myself…

    First they tell you it’s safe. Then they clamp your head down with screws so that you can’t move.
    Then they slice open your cornea so that the lens part of your eye is flopping around like the Frankenstein’s monster’s skull cap.
    Then they take this industrial laser gun which keeps making this “POP” sound when it blows its wad and “skreeeeEEEEEE” noise while it gets it up again. Now that they got you totally paranoid, they tell you to not flinch while the laser is working or you’ll wind up permanently blind…


  13. Yeah, I had to buy a separate electric razor just for my palms…

  14. Mandy

    rust plays with his :wang: too much

  15. Thanks, rust. I will never be getting that surgery now.:limp:

  16. Christall

    πŸ™„ Well, it’s nice to know there are a lot of ppl in the same boat. I am 37 and i just went to the eye dr. and when he was done–(confident that all went well) he looked and told me Well, we have several things to address at this visit #1 your nearsight is worse #2 your farsight is worse #3 your astigmatisms are bothering your left eye and if that was not enough #4 you have glacoma i ask myself that all happened in 12 months…. thats just something that makes you say HUMMMM

  17. rumba

    Heh, need glasses to read, or I can always hold what I’m reading at arms length and squint. I was told I could get contacts. Don’t do it, all the do is leave one blank and make the other magnified. In other words, you can only focus with one eye at a time! Plays havoc with the old depth perception – missing a step on a flat surface is sure funny, to everyone else.:wtf:

  18. Mikel

    Stay in club untill about 10 in the morning just gettin blistered. Walk outside and see what the morning sun can do to one’s eyes

  19. Garth

    Very appropriate subject. Yesterday I picked up my contacts (left eye: short range for reading; right eye: long range for seeing distance objects) To replace my trifocals which, now I am 62, the optician assures me are passe because my eyes have actually improved …. down a measure on each by .5.

    All well and good. What she didn’t tell me was that the brain takes a little time to adjust to one eye seeing 30 inches ahead and the other one seeing to infinity. Plays havoc with the walking until your brain gets to believe that it’s seeing only the right image with both sides.

    Makes a whole new meaning of Lurch from the Adams Family………..Lean is more like it.

  20. Stephanie

    I destroy my sight by reading textbooks with big pages and little font sizes for hours on end into the wee hours of the night and finally give them a rest only after they have been stinging for at least a few hours.

  21. Pinky

    #8 Try the Link of the Day

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