Note to Self, No. 5,777


When I travel, or need to wear a nice suit for a client meeting, I somehow end up wearing my toothpaste as a fashion accessory. I can brush in the nude, then shower and still get toothpaste down my sternum.


  1. Full body armour
  2. Cease brushing
  3. Hire a hot dental hygienist to brush for me. I’m not certain her being hot will aid in avoiding an oral mess, and … I believe I’ve said too much already
  4. Brush underwater
  5. Wear suits made from toothpaste.
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Show 30 Comments


  1. tinamarie

    What the hell? Don’t you wear ties??? Or is that where the toothpaste lands, in which case…CHANGE YOUR TIE. Wear one tie every morning (it can be your “toothpaste tie”) and then change ties just after arriving at work (in the car, so no one thinks you are a freak, just in case they don’t think you are a freak already.)

    This oversimplified solution brought to you by…

  2. Full body armour is a good idea. Just make sure it bears the Zilla family “Crest.” 😀

  3. JFLY

    Wait a few years, Dave…they’ll fall out and you can soak your dentures! 😀

  4. Spud

    I can help there, being a plumber and all, I have many varied & assorted tools that could be used for dental work…

    truly I do

    cheap too


  5. Stephanie

    Make it your thing, you could be the toothpaste guy, they’ll be calling you Toothpaste McGee. Maybe if you work at it you could figure out how to make a design with the toothpaste. If you get good at it you could do artsy stuff and your suits can be your canvas, you can be walking art! Toothpaste McGee can be the next Van Gogh. Oh yeah!

  6. mYstEryGirL

    my solution…wear…a bib.:wtf:

  7. Yah but Zilla, by lunchtime you don’t even notice the toothpaste anymore what with all the new food stains.

    Embrace the splosher within.

  8. I seem to be alone with you on this, But I feel your pain. It seems that every time I dress up, there is something wrong with my outfit. Toothpaste, however, is the least of my worries.

  9. Patrick Elifritz

    There are two types of people in this world: schlemiels and schlemizels. A schlemeil is someone who goes to a fancy dinner and spills his soup. The schlemizel is the person he spills the soup on! Is you is or is you ain’t a schlemizel?
    How about brushing BEFORE you dress?

  10. If only you could combine #3 & #4 I think you’d be in there.

  11. DeeBee

    I have the same problem Dave. My solution: get dressed for work AFTER you get done brushing your teeth. Although, there was one day a while ago where I forgot to brush my teeth and headed off to work in my underwear… :wtf:

  12. You have heard of brush free car washes…

    I recommend paste free brushing. It is all the European rage. :java:

  13. I can brush in the nude, then shower and still get toothpaste down my sternum

    Question 1: Does your woman brush HER teeth after you are dressed?

    Queston 2: (It HAD to be asked…) Are you SURE it is toothpaste? 😈

  14. Calcul8r

    Color your toothpaste to match your tie (or suit). That way it won’t show. For example, you could make grey toothpaste out of fireplace ashes, which also act as an abrasive.

  15. Get a complete dental change over, now that Richard “Jaws” Kiel has retired… Stainless Steel is the new WHITE!

  16. cbatdux

    I used to have the same problem. Now I brush upside down and don’t need to pay for hair gel anymore.

    Suggestion: Use red toothpaste for halloween.

  17. Spud

    When you figure this one out dave, would you get me a bag of sky-hooks from the store? thx


  18. dougieace

    just swallow it dave,no muss no fuss

  19. jayray

    I don’t know what these guys are thinking, but the HOT hygenist sound AWESOME!!!!!:wang::boobs::boobs:

  20. Stephanie

    I don’t know what these guys are thinking, but the full body armour sounds AWESOME!!!!:undies::boobs::boobs:

  21. H. R. Gerrard

    Mr. Zilla, I understand your difficulty.
    One morning after a party I was in quite a fog.
    I made the mistake of putting Colgate toothpaste where I usually put Preparation H!
    (I guess I don’t have to tell you what I brushed my teeth with!)
    Needless to say, I was whistling for three days.
    But, My Farts Were Minty Fresh! In fact, people said it was a pleasure to be stuck in an elevator with me!

  22. frisko

    Skip brushing those days and eat Tic Tacks. Problem solved

  23. JFLY

    Hang upside-down and brush…you could use the spilled toothpaste as mousse then. 😛

  24. Christall

    😕 what’s the problem here? You mean your not supposed to have stuff on the front of your clean clothes. OMG–they told me it was a fashion statement.. i wonder if ppl like us are being made fun of…..hummmm:idea:

  25. Stephanie

    I like the whole body armour idea, steel body armour. Not only will it protect you from toothpaste but ketchup, mustard, grey poupon, BBQ sause, mayo, coffee and other such condiments and foods and liquids that we somehow end up wearing. It’s very fashionable, it’s the ulitimate retro and you get the added bonus of knowing that people who want to shoot you will have a harder time. It also protects against stabs and painful bee stings. And who dares to mess with a guy wearing body armour?

  26. Garth

    You are sick…………nice……and I like you………but very very sick…….good one

  27. greenfireyes

    its just easier to swallow :wang:

Comments are closed