Guide to Artists’ Models No. 5: Former Fashion Model

The Former Fashion Model

Nude Model: The Former Fashion Model
At first glance, the first year art student may assume the professor had brought a cadaver for the class to draw. Then the cadaver coughs, a miserable, cancerous cough that produces more than a few moths and dust. It is not a cadaver, but a former fashion model, driven to nude modeling in a last ditch attempt to get men to appreciate her faded glory.

Back in the 1970s, when boob jobs were still in their infancy, she rushed at the chance to get the operaion in hopes that it would increase business. Large breasts were big back then (excuse the pun). Just as she traded her first small sex toy for one with more battery power, she traded in her AAs for a pair of Cs.

Little did she know that being a surgical early adopter was not such a good plan. The 1980s came and the androgynous look returned. Small breasts were the thing to have. Now she is left with purple scars, creepy stretch marks and the appearance of having Tupperware bowls under her skin.


  1. “I’m thinking of having another facelift. I still have a few millimeters of loose skin I can pull.”
  2. “Dinner after class? Oh, I couldn’t. I had a Cheerio today.”
  3. “Of course they’re real. They’re rock hard from … exercise.”
  4. “I still get carded.”
  5. “Honey, would you mind picking up my lung? It fell next to your Art Bin.”
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Show 27 Comments


  1. Spud

    I really wonder what can come next… :wtf:

  2. hippychick

    BAAARRFFF! Jeez, thanks. Don’t know which was more barf worthy. The model or the sodas. 😕 :dead:

  3. ivory

    ohhh but have you ever had the cranberry sauce soda? i love thanksgiving for this simple reason…

  4. Marcus

    And then she starts to sing–If you dared to look inside it,
    Just like a can lid, pried it.
    You’d see it’s like a drain.
    I would settle for a little
    hunk of “thunk stuff” in the middle
    if I only had a brain.

    After that she drank cereal in a can and some vomit soda. Gross.

  5. frisko

    you think this years holiday packs of Jones are nasty….check out 2004 at the bottom of the site.
    green bean casserole seems to be a popular flavor.
    A new meaning to left-overs.

  6. Paladinman

    :-?Can someone find ANYTHING to scratch all this out of my brain???

  7. frisko

    Something to serve with the Jones soda.

    Tofu Turkey-

  8. Yes, go back and look at Guide to Artists’ Models No. 4. That does it for me.

  9. 😀
    Hey you drew a picture of my soon to be mother in law!

  10. Da Popster

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh, shoudda NEVER eaten that leftover anchovy pizza before going to sleep …

  11. I agree with Dave. The #4 pervert beats everyone and everything else in grossness. Yeeaaaugh.

    Nice touch witht he upper lip in this caricature, Dave. Makes her even more ‘real.’

  12. I coulda sworn that one of them just winked at me…

  13. what a great picture of Janice Dickinson!

  14. misskitty

    Oh god I’ve got to learn not to look at this site while eating! I have to clean pop tart chunks off of my computer screen now , I greatly agree we need a vomit icon- it would be working overtime for this series!!:razz:

  15. Craig

    Was she in cats????

  16. nicole

    you know when you die the only thing that wont turn to ash will be the implants besause it jellie!!!

  17. dougieace

    im sure your saving the really hot model for last,right dave
    if they made liquid tuna salad then i’d be interested.

  18. mikey

    come-on Dave I thought it was spew :java: not puke it

  19. “…. Small breasts were the thing to have.”

    I’m sorry, but I must’ve missed that portion of the 80’s. 🙄

    Has anyone here ever had Jone’s soda before? Aside from the obvious ‘Holiday’ treats, i think they have a pretty good line.
    I was hooked on it for a while… until the grocery store stopped stocking it.

    Damn them! DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!

  20. Lisa

    The sketches are right on the mark for half the people I work with.
    We found Jones soda at Target. I’m really fond of the Blue Bubble Gum and Green Apple.

  21. Mandy

    Those :boobs::boobs: make me sad.

  22. Christall

    I’m thinking all these cartoons sketches happen to look alot like Willy Nelson! i couldn’t help but notice that she either had a wrinkled upper lip or a mustasche. either way
    SHE ROCKS!!!

  23. mYstEryGirL

    My question is…you dont have copies of these hanging in your office do you? people might start to wonder…

  24. hippychick

    Miss Kitty, You made me laugh out loud with your pop-tart comment. Can you say stand-up comedian? 🙂

  25. this is what it must have felt like to open pandora’s box:wtf:

Comments are closed