Fries with that?

It was the third Wednesday of the month and that meant the department was having its monthly lunch at the Boobatorium. It isn’t really called that. It’s sort of a poor man’s Hooters. The typical sports bar you’d see in any town, except that the waitresses wear less than many swimsuit models.

Our waitress’s breasts seemed intent on leaving the confines of their flimsy fortress of fabric. Every time she bent over to leave a straw or napkin, she would intentionally press her arms together, forcing her breasts to smash and protrude like twin loaves of dough rising from inseparable pans. She was really working her tip. So to speak.

When lunch arrived, her left breast saw the chance to escape and took it. Seeing several plates of food running up the length of her arm, it burst forth from of her skimpy, orange t-shirt and landed in a plate of under-cooked French fries. There it rested until it reached the table.

Seeing fifty pairs of astonished eyes, the breast quickly became self-aware and attempted a hasty retreat. In actuality, it was shoved back in place by three slender fingertips, each clad in fuschia nail polish and tiny murals that included palm trees, neon and miniscule parrots.

Needless to say, the fries went uneaten.

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Show 39 Comments


  1. Esther

    I’ve been trying to eat less fries (and fried food in general) lately, and I think this story will help immensely with my endeavors.:dead:

  2. Joe

    i had a similar situation happen to me but it involved a oversized man instead of a busty woman :limp:

  3. Oh yuck, I can’t believe she didn’t even offer new fries. :wtf:

  4. Anna

    I just got one word HYPOCRITS!!! (did I spell that okay??) Any other chance you get, you (and by “you” I mean the entire hetero male population) want to suck, lick, pinch, bite, fondle, smash or ogle the :boobs::boobs:. And now you won’t even eat the fries that touches them?

  5. I kinda agree with Anna here. To be honest it’s the not thought of the fries that puts me off but the idea of a greasy, fries-smelling breast.

    By the way, WBMC seems a little racist and sexist to me…they don’t seem to allow Greek women to compete.

  6. Kirk

    Dave I’m proud of you… seemed more intent on looking at the details of here fingernails than the details of her nip!

    The undercooked fries would have been fine if they were drenched in ketchup/catsup. It’s an all purpose sanitizer! It killed the taste of my mother’s bad cooking for years!

  7. Anna, it’s not being hypoctical at all. Americans are germophobes. Having anyone’s sweaty skin touching their food is grounds for an immediate lawsuit. Someone must pay for the outrage! 😛

  8. I happily eat fod off my girlfriends :boobs::boobs:

    Hardly something to shun away from. Then again I would also be worried if it was a stranger with nails as descirbed.:limp:

  9. It’d be different if she’d dipped her :boobs: in ketchup first.

  10. Anna I hardly find it strange that even a hetero male wouldn’t eat the fries, it’s just disgusting.

  11. Why on earth do / keep coming up for me in words like it’s…it doesn’t happen on the screen I type in…

  12. Anna

    Still don’t get it. What is so terrible about eating those fries … French kissing someone you hardly know sounds more yucky, unprotected intercourse (Gosh I said that really nice), picking your nose, cleaning up poopie baby-butts … just a :boobs:. In any other context you’d drool over it/them.

  13. CJ

    I have to agree with Anna

  14. Esther

    Sorry Anna, but I think I’m going to have to side with the germophobic males here.

    First off, this place sounds like it is klassy with a capital ‘K’. I’d be suspect of the food, let alone some strange woman’s :boobs::boobs:.

    Second, for me, that :boobs: would be the equivalent of Colin Farrell’s :wang:. I don’t know where the hell that thing’s been. For all you know, the fry cook could have had it in his mouth a few minutes before, or maybe it accidentally found it’s way into the dishwasher’s rum and coke. Mmmm. Yep, that’s what I want near my food.:dead:

    Not to mention that sometimes, some :boobs::boobs: do secrete Lord knows what (discounting breast milk). Again, I don’t know, I don’t wanna know, and I sure don’t want it anywhere near the kitchen.:wtf:

    Last, but not least, who the hell wants to eat undercooked fries? Even if the :boobs: hadn’t flopped onto the plate like some trout on a fisherman’s hook, I would have sent them back post haste, and knock those off of the bill, while you’re at it, toots.:kiss:

  15. :boobs::boobs:

    You should boycott the place waving signs that read:

    No boobies! No peace! No boobies! No peace!

    Or should that read “no piece” 🙄

  16. At first I thought :wang:, but then I really thought about what you had said. On your fries? That is disgusting what with all of the breast sweat and all. 🙁

  17. Spud

    I thought it was funny as hell, plus I was wondering when the second :boobs: found it’s way to break free.


  18. The better question is… Dave, why are you eating greasy nasty fries anyway?

    The boob did you a favor. Your arteries will thank you later.

  19. I don’t see what the fuss is all about… I mean, it’s not like she had just been titty-f*cked — and I imagine she would be a good candidate for it.

    I vote “EAT THE FRIES” with extra ketchup!


  20. Dave, why are you eating greasy nasty fries anyway?
    I should have clarified. I did not order fries. I had a vegetable pita melt thing. The vegetables were of undeterminate species. If I had to guess, I would assume lawn clippings.

    And yes, Esther. They put the ass in Klassy.

  21. CJ

    The :boobs: in your fries is better than the cook in the back who didn’t wash his hands. You saw the :boobs: Did she look skanky? then sure it would be a problem.

  22. Did she look skanky?
    Please re-read description of fingernails and decide for yourself. 😛

  23. CJ

    OK I Missed the murals of palm trees and such. Thankfully they were not your fries and you got to see:boobs: SOunds like win-win for Davezilla

  24. You know Dave… most places charge you $50 for a bare breast to rub your french fry. Never lick a gift boob in the… err… never look a gift whore in the… ack! Nevermind…. 😛

  25. Mandy

    Merth, did you mean “Never lick a gift whore in the mouth”? Agreed! :kiss:

  26. JFLY

    Sorry, Dave. I’ll be more careful in the future… 😀

  27. Spud

    … or anywhere else…

  28. JFLY

    Dave, If they were my :boobs::boobs: – I would’ve rested them on a nice cool salad, with ranch dressing & croutons. 😛

  29. JFLY

    Or maybe a warm gooey cheese pizza…

  30. JFLY

    Esther – I’m joking. Everyone knows Dave’s boots are the best place…:razz:

  31. It is absurd that this post came with no pictures.

  32. Good point, wookiee. I will try to get her to recreate the crime on cam for us. :boobs:

  33. Spud

    You could reconstruct the scene with, say a stand in model to demonstrate the appropriate boobie action.




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