LIGHTNING: The occurrence of a natural electrical discharge of very short duration and high voltage between a cloud and the ground or within a cloud, accompanied by a bright flash and typically also thunder.
LIGHTENING: A drop in the level of the uterus during the last weeks of pregnancy as the head of the fetus engages in the pelvis.
Please stop mixing these two up. I keep picturing giant babies emerging from the storm clouds whenever someone spells lighting with an ‘e’.
[ picking up my lunch ]
CLERK: ZZ Top.
ME: Wha?
CLERK: You. Your beard.
ME: […]
CLERK: You look like the ZZ Top guy.
ME: I’ve gotten that before, yes.
CLERK: Yeah, I bet. That Dirty Hill guy. That’s who you look like.
ME: You mean Dusty Hill?
CLERK: Whatever it was. Here ya go, ZZ.
You know when you wake up from a dream that you were assisting Robert Smith solve a cold case that it will be an interesting day.
According to my daughters, my pronouns are Bruh / Dude / and Hey!
Hurricane strength levels are based on the amount of damage they cause. To make them easier to understand, follow this completely unscientific guide I made up:
Cat 1: Plane full of screaming toddlers
Cat 2: Motorcycle gang moves in next door
Cat 3: Killer Bees crossbreed with crows
Cat 4: Hail the size of Toyota Priuses
Cat 5: Army of Karens at a Black Friday sale
Longtime readers will know that I had been working on a tarot deck and writing a book for the past two years, which is why I haven’t been posting much anymore. The deck is not like other decks because, duh! It’s from me. I based it off cryptids, ghosts, portals, paranormal phenomena, UFOs, ancient alien conspiracies, Forteana and more High Weirdness. No “Celtic Soul Journey of the Unicorn Cat Rider Faeries” tarot for me. This is the strangeness like you’ve come to expect from me since the late ’90s when this site began.
Well, the deck is complete, I found a publisher, and now it’s finally going to be hitting stores everywhere. It’s officially available in stores as of August 5th, but you can preorder from Amazon, Powell Books, Barnes & Noble, Indigo-Chapters (Canada) and probably several more. I would love it if you could support me by picking up a deck. I spent over 900 hours drawing and painting the cards and another 200 writing the accompanying full-color book.
The publisher (Red Wheel / Weiser Books) did a stellar job printing the deck. They used extra thick card stock and the card edges are gilded in silver.
I just had a “Snap Meal” from Imperfect Foods.
Prior to this “meal” I assumed that chickens were avian, organic lifeforms, descended from dinosaurs.
I know better now.
They are, in fact, one of the toxic heavy metal compounds along with lead, arsenic, beryllium, et al. Hiding them in orange grease does not disguise their metallurgic origins. Chickens are a metal.
Some more useless items that make the Web great.
McSweeney’s has been on fire lately, and this gem is no exception. I REGRET TO ANNOUNCE THAT I WILL NOT BE CANCELING MY PLANS WITH YOU TONIGHT
Some random flotsam and jetsam images that have been floating around my laptop. I had to see them, so now you do, too.
I make things. People buy them.
USD $22.95
USD $22.95
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