Worst things to do in a library

  1. Using epoxy or Velcro, affix dozens of books all over yourself. Run through the library screaming
  2. Feign lycanthropy
  3. Ask loudly where the erotica section is
  4. Bring a webcam, hook it up to a public computer and do a striptease
  5. Sprinkle sneezing powder on all the reference books
  6. Ask the librarian if the copy machine will support a grown wo/man sitting on it
  7. Bring a skateboard. Do a 50/50 Grind off the religious book section
  8. Replace the contents of the card catalog with Rolodex cards from someone’s office
  9. Release the manatees!
  10. See the Video of the Day for more
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  1. 11. Continue reading when you have been informed that your country is under attack.
    12. To the librarian: ‘Excuse me Miss, there’s no toilet paper in the john so do know where I can find The Da Vinci Code?’
    13. Make your own glory hole by removing a couple of strategic books from shelves N-P and V-W.
    14. Rip out the last 3 pages of all the mystery novels.
    15. Walk in with a can of gasoline and ask for the Salman Rushdie section.
    16. Walk by the Women’s Studies section while singing ‘Thank ‘eaven For Leettle Girls….’ In a Maurice Chevalier accent.

  2. mikeB

    [Comment ID #83615 will be quoted here]

    LOL! I forgot what I was going to write after reading #15.

  3. Infernos

    Don’t mess with the children’s librarian. They can be foul, evil, and unforgiving creatures should you piss them off. On the other hand, they have very dirty minds and a bizarre sense of humor so they make great party animals.

  4. Bigwavdave

    Sitting in a crowded section, unleash the chili / beer farts. Follow up with the loud proclamation “Good lord, somebody cut one!”

  5. Shrubby

    Dress in nothing but red swim trunks and hold a large orange floatation device with it strapped across your chest. Then, using your best David Hasselhof impression “rescue” a foriegn student (preferably from Japan or China) from their homework. Repeat until either you are kicked out of the library for life or you have successfully saved all the international students from “shark infested waters”.

  6. sledge

    Borrow 25 movies,20 books,as many CD’s that you can carry bring them back 3 weeks late and inform the librarian that you are only returning them for a friend

  7. re: Video
    The Librarian is so quiet.
    I think the only way to win that game is not to play it.

  8. Astryd

    [Comment ID #83630 will be quoted here]

    YOU GOTTA TRY THIS !!!!! IT’S AWESOME!!!!! I have a 95% rescue rate! THANX SHRUBBY!!!

  9. I heard some one going mental in the library the other day; I think I know what they were reading at the time!

  10. #17(?) Use a cell phone. Loudly.

    whoops, forgot, that’ one people actually do. 🙄

  11. – Go into the romance section with your boy/girlfriend and read the steamy scenes outloud and role play.
    – Photocopy numerous pages out of the Kama Sutra and then place the photocopies in childrens books.
    – Hurdle jump over the turnstiles.
    – Check out a huge pile of books and then ask the librarian if books are flammable.
    – Cyberstalk someone on one of the public computers.
    – Scare people in the history section by jumping out at them wearing a viking helmet and brandishing a sword.
    – Grab a whole bunch of encyclopedias and then use a permanent marker to “update the information.”
    – Go into the video section and replace some of the educational films with porn.

  12. Spud

    Video – funniest I’ve seen in a long while, the Japanese make an art of these kind of pranks.

  13. alecto

    [Comment ID #83634 will be quoted here]

    I think I’ve done that!!

    Ask the meanist looking libraian you can find to help you look for the most embarrising/ hardest to find books, do it for about a hour or so and when you’re done and s/he asks you if you want to check out say “No thanks. I was compairing selections. Do you have any bargin DVD’s of ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ I could use to decapitate you with?”

    Stupid upity forign librairians who cancel your library card just cause you don’t wanna pay 50 BUCKS CAUSE YOU LIVE OUT OF COUNTY! Bitca.

  14. Anna

    Horrified …… horrified ….. that you would treat my fellow librarians thusly. You should be more loving towards them …… they love to be frenched in public. Please make them happy.

  15. [Comment ID #83692 will be quoted here]

    Is that a dare? 😀

  16. [Comment ID #83692 will be quoted here]

    Okay. That’s hot. 😆

  17. Beki

    – Take a pile of books and put them on a large study table. Get the family in and light a bonfire and make smores and marshmallows!
    – Do the same thing as above, but get everyone in the library to gather around and have a good old camp out sing song!
    – Re-enact scenes from a porn film when a group of children is being read a story.
    – Pretend to be an Irish leprachaun and look for your pot of gold.
    – Let your dog poo on the Magna Carta and don’t pick it up.
    – Wear only a loincloth.
    – Dress as Atilla the Hun and read the books on him and rip out all the pages and eat them very messily. After you have done this, walk out like nothing happened.

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