Did you ever own a toy or object that you swore was made by a mentally unstable person? Back when I still dyed my hair colors not known to nature (early 80s) I did a lot of shopping in resale stores and church rummage sales.

At one particularly good rummage sale, I found a bin full of discarded dolls that might prove useful if dismembered and reassembled in some art experiment for school. My friend (another Dave) picked up a misshapen doll and quickly threw it back down, as if it had stung him. As soon as I saw it, I knew i had to buy it. At ten cents, it was a steal. Other Dave named it Weepy.

The more we stared at the doll, the more we were convinced it was made by a very disturbed person. The doll was handmade, sewn in some wretched Holly Hobby fabric with squat nubs for limbs. There were two round pockets on the front, where breasts should be, made from stained, yellow burlap. Sound revolting so far? It gets worse.

The face was a mirror. Yes, your face was reflected in this textile oddity. For hair, the creator had thoughtfully sewn on a squirrel’s tail, bones still intact. At some point, we went to a Nina Hagen concert and I gave it to her. The look she gave me was one of gratitude and surprise that someone had managed to freak even her out.

What creepy toys have you owned?

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  1. Randy

    Good job! to freak out Nina is a amazing thing shes the top freak of all time , just try and liston to nunsexmonkrock on acid and you will start to see her true freaky…………..any how I digress, the odd toy I had was a toy frog with real looking rubber gutts , you could squeez its butt and make him upchuck his inerds , way cool for a kid before he thinks girls arnt icky ………….. 😛

  2. Boglins were pretty creepy. But more importantly, where are the pics of multi-hair-color Davezilla?

  3. My lil brother had this monkey stuffed animal that just did not have a pleasant face. And his eyes would open when he’s upright and close when he’s laying down. It really scared the crap outta him.

    It could also have something do with me routinely beating my brother with the monkey’s hard head. But I doubt it.

    He’s also scared of his guitar-hero guitar. Again, I doubt that has anything to do with me routinely slamming him in the back with it after I play a face melting set.

  4. Mjaz

    Furby – the bug-eyed, talking, interactive, furry, gremlin THING, that was the hottest Xmas toy about 10 years ago – scared the crap out of my kid. Come to think of it, it kinda freaked me out too – it would just start “interacting” with itself at 3am.

  5. [Comment ID #201764 will be quoted here]

    One of them is in the AIM icons section of this site. Fourth row, second column. Yes, that is me at 19. 😈

  6. Char

    I have a baby doll that wears a plastic bonnet on its head. On the top of the bonnet is a ball that changes the face of the doll if you turn it. The dolls face sleeps, smiles or has chicken pox. The body is made of cloth but the limbs are rubber. It’s creepy and cute all at the same time. It took me a while to see the cute stage.

  7. Flash Gordon

    An Ann Coulter doll would scare the living crap out
    of me. :puke: :puke: :puke:
    That eyeball tattooing is nothing. I have Coulter’s
    face tattooed on the end of my schlong. Do you want
    to see it, AnnieB? :wang: :wang: :kiss: 😆

  8. Me, I never had dolls so I can’t really comment.

    Although I believe the Sultan of Cleveland had a doll that wouldn’t stop laughing. Usually it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, but his was inflatable.

  9. I don’t think I had any creepy toys as a kid. But I did have this stuffed toy dog that I carried by the neck so often that it’s head came off at least five times. Damn stitches just wouldn’t hold. :wtf:

  10. junkman

    ok. well i used to play with barbies with the girls in the neighborhood and my sister. we made real houses for them, upstairs/down stairs style. there was a heirarchy. i got a batman action figure that was disproportionate to regular barbies. he was built on a scale that was 2 or 3 times less than a barbie. he was just under the height of skipper. we took off his suit and mask. the blue rubber of the mask left a turquoise streak down his nose. his skin was all plastic pimples to hold the cloth suit in place. his hair was like a molded blob of cowshit. it seemed natural to put the little pinhead/body freak in a maid apron, naked. we named him paulatoot. he was made to perform every disgusting task that needed to be looked after in barbie town that we could dream up. jane and johnnie west made him do alot of disgusting stuff. maybe my confession is the disturbed toy?

  11. AnnieB

    [Comment ID #201778 will be quoted here]

    That’s kind of a love/hate relationship you got going there with Ms. Coulter my friend.

    So I’m guessing every time you come it’s through her mouth, huh? Yeah, I think I’d like to see that.

    You must have a very large schlong to have her big horse face tatooed on it. Ouch! You should schedule some time with Mistress Darla if you’re into pain that much.

    :boob: :boob: :wang: 😛

  12. Spud

    Like Pablo, I also never had dolls, they were called Action Figures!… 😛

  13. I am sooo scarred by GI Joe (yes, I bought one of the first ones in ’65) that I still to this day form my hands into the classic finger-pointing pistol gripping hand, and the weird four-fingers-together, thumb opposed position.

    Oddly enough, that scar I carry is on my right cheek…

  14. Driver

    I had G.I. Joes and they are all MIA [the real 1 foot tall G.I. Joes]

    Disturbed or just plain perverted.
    12 years old or younger-disterbed
    13 years old or older perverted
    and I wonder did any of this PLAY time get you anywhere with your sisters friends? 😛

  15. Flash Gordon

    AnnieB, you’re priceless, doll! Actually, I drank a
    fifth of J.W. Dant sour mash before the tattooing, so
    I barely remember it. About that love-hate thing, I
    don’t know about that–she makes my asshole want to
    sip clabber. :limp: :limp: :puke: 👿 😈

  16. Drusky

    [Comment ID #201779 will be quoted here]
    I will never say I know it all, so, I will ask…

    Who is the ‘Sultan of Cleveland’ and why does this person draw so much crap? I’ve tried to piece it together and admit I must have missed something… 😕

  17. patrick

    No creepy toys, but I had a Disney book of animals and that two page photo of a manta ray used to freak me out! It’s part bat, it’s part fish, it’s got jaws like a damned robot, what’s not to be freaked over. Yeah, I know they’re gregarious and playful and way cool to swim with-NOW.

  18. pablo

    [Comment ID #201825 will be quoted here]

    Steve Earl screams from the grave “Crikey!”

  19. pablo

    [Comment ID #201796 will be quoted here]

    The Sultan is an enigma, wrapped in a question, surrounded by really bad gas & grammar. Journey back a few days to “the old Dutch Oven” post and find out for yourself. If that isn’t enough there is more if you dare look for it. You have been warned!

  20. TimM

    My mom bought a ceramic owl night light. The light came out of holes among the feathers and the eyes lit up. The eyes also seemed to follow me around the room and stare at me in bed. So it became a knicknack in the livingroom.

  21. Talk about the stepmothers of all evil stepmothers:
    My father’s wife (notice I don’t call her My stepmother) had four ‘decoration’ clowns on the dresser and two paintings in MY room only!
    I was forced to clean/dust them every day and not allowed to remove them from their place at night when I was sent off to bed. (personally I think this is when my insomnia kicked in. they were married since I was seven and ever since I have conscious memory I know I have not been able to sleep before 2am)

    Clown#1: Friendly chubby looking clown, almost childlike, sitting in a plastic tubular compartment with a small hole on the back to allow the key to be wound. If the key is wound the clown rocks in circular motions in its sitting position (like a mental patient) singing/playing carnival music. ❓ It would activate on its own in spurts beginning about midnight.

    Clown#2 & 3: Heads of unknown material but were heavy. Their bodies were thick bendable wire covered in loose scrunched-up silk like material to make their outfits. ❓ The facial expressions painted on them had eyes that followed you and the evil grin very similar to that on caption time…whatever (I’M NOT LOOKINMG FOR IT!!) recently with the clown on the little cart. It was like they were saying “Just wait till the lights go out, we are gonna have some fun with you.” …and not in the good way.

    Clown#4: Beanbag butt and lanky, flimsy legs with heavy wooden? feet that hung from a little shelf. Flimsy arms with heavy hands and head that fell somewhat sideways but still seemed to look at you with a grin ❓ even though it’s neck was broken. If there was a breeze the feet would tap against the mirror or dressor wood.

    The paintings were those vagabond homeless sad clown paintings that look like they might just jump out begging for a hug…*shudders*

    I’ve got more…

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