Unlikely pizza toppings

  1. Sea Monkeys
  2. Papsmearoni
  3. The milk of human kindness
  4. Cactus marmalade*
  5. Contraceptive jelly
  6. The fruit of my loins*
  7. Peanut brittle
  8. Italian sausage, made from real Italians
  9. Gummi Bears*
  10. The apple of my eye

*With help from the lovely Natalie

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  1. mikeB

    Mustard Gas. Or is that what you get after eatring this pizza?

  2. Damn, did Hitler write number 8?

    For some reason, the first thing I thought of when I saw this in Bloglines was “Pikachu”.

    Oh and Dave, you forgot butter and ranch dressing. I swear I saw some guy put Ranch dressing on his pizza once. Scarred me for life.

  3. TinaMarie

    Hear, hear, Dante!

    Dipping pizza in Ranch dressing is all the rage here in Arizona, and I can’t figure it out. As a matter of fact, it seems that everything either comes with a side of Ranch dressing (for dipping) or comes in a Ranch flavored version (i.e. Pringles potato ‘chips’.)

    The next thing you know, there will be a Ranch dressing flavored ‘personal lubricant’ to enhance your sexual experience.

    Oh yeah. That’ll do the trick. (Excuse me while I retch.) πŸ˜•

  4. As a long time Arizonan here who likes her ranch dressing, I will admit to dunking my Vinny’s lunch time pizza slice in ranch. It’s tasty, so sue me. No wait, don’t.

    You should order ribs at the Brite Spot in Patagonia, TinaMarie. Those most definitely do not come with ranch, just pure deliciousness.:lol:

    I don’t think there will ever be a ranch-flavored lubricant, simply for the fact that one can almost always get a full order of it for free.:twisted:

  5. Spud

    First question – what the hell is ranch dressing? something akin to italian or thousand island salad dressings?

    Secondly, you should try vegemite and asparagus for a pizza topping, fair dinkum my wife (bless her soul) swears by it, unfortunately I have this inherent desire to empty my stomach contents whenever I smell this vile concoction.

    If you don’t know what vegemite is, it’s a yeast extract that you usually put on toast.


  6. Spud, asparagus is excellent on pizza. Vegemite? I’ll pass, thanks. Ranch is a buttermilk dressing, designed to disguise bland food by coating it in salt.

    Dante, I didn’t forget butter or ranch simply because they are more common than we’d like to admit. For a really disgusting topping list (real) look at what the Japanese put on their pizzas: squid’s ink (instead of tomato sauce), raisins, corn, mayonnaise, tuna flakes (?), eel, spaghetti, potato salad, cod roe and egg yolks.

    They simply shouldn’t be allowed to call that pizza. 😐

  7. Anna

    @ Dave: Ooooh, so the things you (in general) put on pizza’s is quite allright?
    (anna’s back … from holiday)

  8. Spud

    Welcome back Anna :thong: πŸ˜€

    I think perhaps the Japanese may have hit on the secret ingredient for the one tru pizza shit…

    Squid ink

  9. Steppenwolf

    My initial response got censored so will try again…
    From what I’ve heard about Italian women I guess hair wouldn’t be that unusual but gives new meaning to the expression ‘hairpie’ huh?

  10. Shrimp on pizza is okay. Therefore, brine shrimp on pizza should be okay. Thus, Sea Monkeys on pizza rule!

    Just don’t break your teeth on a crown.

  11. M & M

    Condoleezza Rice belongs neither on pizza nor with Chinese take-out. well, I can think of a lot of other places where she doesn’t belong, but my mother always says that if you can’t say something nice, etc…

    And for those who haven’t eaten it, squid ink is very good

  12. No-no toppings:
    Kellog’s Kockroach Flakes
    Cheese Mould Scrapings
    Finger Cakes (made from real digits)
    Smegma (dick cheese)
    Kittie Krunchies
    Chicken Beaks
    Something from an unmarked container from the back of the fridge


  13. TinaMarie

    Thanks for the heads-up Esther. I’ll be looking out for the Brite Spot the next time (first time) I’m in Patagonia. I have a friend who is a pastor down there now (Clare at the United Methodist Church, new minister this year,) so I’ll have a good reason to head down there.

    As for Ranch dressing, the only brand I like is the original–Hidden Valley–and I love it on many things (salad, wings, salad, wings, and more salad) but not on pizza. What can I say–I’m Italian and we can be kind of picky about our ‘za.

    As for hair, Steppenwolf, you have no idea how good fur can be until you’ve tried it. :wang:

  14. TinaMarie, try this: one pouch of powdered Hidden Valley ranch, 1 container of sour cream. Mix thoroughly, and chill for about an hour or two. Great with almost any kind of snack chip, and guaranteed complete addictiveness.

    I’m thinking I should be less inclined to eat lunch after reading about all these wonderful non-toppings, but it hasn’t affected my hunger one bit. Scary.:wtf:

  15. Yummy Toppings, continued:

    Rabbit Raisins
    Liver ‘n’ Onions (actually, it sounds delish!)
    Chocolate Sprinkles
    Annie Sprinkles
    Gagh (see this article)
    Unshelled Peanuts
    Uncut Penis
    Paris Hilton
    After birth
    After-burner toasted marshmallows
    Brown Blotter Acid
    Unused blog posts
    Post© Grape Nut Flakes
    Popsicle sticks
    Silica Gel
    Ground Glass
    Bat Droppings
    Windows XP cd-roms
    Mullet Cuttings
    and my personal favourite: Shredded Moosepants

  16. Steppenwolf

    TinaMarie, that’s what the expression means in my neck of the woods.
    But wolves remove the fur before eating. Nothing worse that hacking up a fur ball and having the rest of the pack think your a pussy. That can get ugly.
    Also, if the mate thinks you’ve been eating strange fur she can be a real Bitch! πŸ™‚

  17. DK

    Rocky Mountain Oysters, mmmmmπŸ™„

  18. some furry

    Uncut penis and hair are better on men than on pizza in my opinion. So where’s the uncut penis icon? ❗

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