Things Mother never said

  1. “You forgot your M-80s and gasoline.”
  2. “Be a dear and go play in the streets.”
  3. “You need a louder car stereo. I get nervous when you’re a mile away and I can barely hear you.”
  4. “I found the cutest snake in the garden today…”
  5. “I’m thinking of redecorating the kitchen in a ‘vampires and spiders’ motif.”
  6. “You’re ten years old! Don’t you think it’s time you gave up the comics and started reading porn?”
  7. “What kind of daughter did I raise? You’ve slept with four men this week? When I was your age I’d have bagged four men by lunch hour. Slacker.”
  8. “Oh, I suppose if all your friends ran out and got jobs, you’d get one too. Can’t you stay home and loaf like your father?”
  9. “Your father and I think you need a TV of your own so your sisters won’t change the Playboy Channel on you.”
  10. “I don’t care what the teacher says. No boy should start his school day without a beer.”
free viagra
buy viagra online
generic viagra
how does viagra work
cheap viagra
buy viagra
buy viagra online inurl
viagra 6 free samples
viagra online
viagra for women
viagra side effects
female viagra
natural viagra
online viagra
cheapest viagra prices
herbal viagra
alternative to viagra
buy generic viagra
purchase viagra online
free viagra without prescription
viagra attorneys
free viagra samples before buying
buy generic viagra cheap
viagra uk
generic viagra online
try viagra for free
generic viagra from india
fda approves viagra
free viagra sample
what is better viagra or levitra
discount generic viagra online
viagra cialis levitra
viagra dosage
viagra cheap
viagra on line
best price for viagra
free sample pack of viagra
viagra generic
viagra without prescription
discount viagra
gay viagra
mail order viagra
viagra inurl
generic viagra online paypal
generic viagra overnight
generic viagra online pharmacy
generic viagra uk
buy cheap viagra online uk
suppliers of viagra
how long does viagra last
viagra sex
generic viagra soft tabs
generic viagra 100mg
buy viagra onli
generic viagra online without prescription
viagra energy drink
cheapest uk supplier viagra
viagra cialis
generic viagra safe
viagra professional
viagra sales
viagra free trial pack
viagra lawyers
over the counter viagra
best price for generic viagra
viagra jokes
buying viagra
viagra samples
viagra sample
generic cialis
cheapest cialis
buy cialis online
buying generic cialis
cialis for order
what are the side effects of cialis
buy generic cialis
what is the generic name for cialis
cheap cialis
cialis online
buy cialis
cialis side effects
how long does cialis last
cialis forum
cialis lawyer ohio
cialis attorneys
cialis attorney columbus
cialis injury lawyer ohio
cialis injury attorney ohio
cialis injury lawyer columbus
prices cialis
cialis lawyers
viagra cialis levitra
cialis lawyer columbus
online generic cialis
daily cialis
cialis injury attorney columbus
cialis attorney ohio
cialis cost
cialis professional
cialis super active
how does cialis work
what does cialis look like
cialis drug
viagra cialis
cialis to buy new zealand
cialis without prescription
free cialis
cialis soft tabs
discount cialis
cialis generic
generic cialis from india
cheap cialis sale online
cialis daily
cialis reviews
cialis generico
how can i take cialis
cheap cialis si
cialis vs viagra
generic levitra
levitra attorneys
what is better viagra or levitra
viagra cialis levitra
levitra side effects
buy levitra
levitra online
levitra dangers
how does levitra work
levitra lawyers
what is the difference between levitra and viagra
levitra versus viagra
which works better viagra or levitra
buy levitra and overnight shipping
levitra vs viagra
canidan pharmacies levitra
how long does levitra last
viagra cialis levitra
levitra acheter
comprare levitra
levitra ohne rezept
levitra 20mg
levitra senza ricetta
cheapest generic levitra
levitra compra
cheap levitra
levitra overnight
levitra generika
levitra kaufen


  1. Esther

    or “Watch out for that A-1 asshat, who will break up with you in McDonald’s, and then ask why you’ve stopped eating.”
    (True story, btw)

  2. Anna

    So you’ve never met MY mother. She actually did say alot of similar things.

    The only thing she never said though was ‘go forth and do drugs’ … how uncool is THAT!!

  3. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    When I was a small boy, I would often receive “pearls of wisdom” from my grandmother.

    Whilst carrying my skateboard she would often shout out a comment like “You’ll have someone’s eye out with that!”

    I have never heard of a skateboard/eye related accident in my life, but proceeded with caution nevertheless.

    She was after all, older and wiser than me and had probably seen her fair share of skateboard impalements and missing eyes.

    Other gems included “If you fall off that wall and break your legs. DON’T come running to me!”

    Again, although impossible, I subconsciously stored it in my memory banks.
    The visual image of me stuck under the garden wall like Humpty Dumpty with no means of attracting help would give me nightmares well into my teenage years.

    “You’ll get a cold walking about like that!” was her particular favourite in mid summer or how about “If you keep pulling faces and the wind changes. Your face will stay like that”.


    Did you know that if you lie, a little goblin will come and take your tongue away to the goblin err……tongue town?

    You have been warned.


  4. ReV.JeLLYBaBY


    There was one more thing she also said on her hospital bed that has always stuck with me.

    “When I die, if you look in the sky at night, one of the stars will twinkle. That ones me looking down on you.”

    Funnily I always remember that one and somewhere in my heart, I actually think it may be true or at least.

    I hope so.

  5. “What stars are those, Mr. Scientist?”
    “Why that’s Cygnus. Oh and that’s Arcturus right next to the Grandma JeLLYBaBY Nebulae.”

  6. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    Carefull Dave,

    My grandmother said that if you look at the stars too much, goblins will take your eye out with a skateboard!


  7. Spud

    My mother always used to say “if you don’t eat your crusts you won’t get curly hair”

    I didn’t, but I did.

    However she did used to say “go play in the street”

  8. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    Mine was carrots being somehow linked to having hairs on your chest!

    I wonder what eating cucumber is supposed to do?

  9. I wonder what eating cucumber is supposed to do?
    Well, I’d tell you, but that’s a trade secret.

  10. ReV.JeLLYBaBY

    Your trade somehow being connected with cucumbers?

    Dave your not moonlighting as a greengrocer again are you?

  11. Anna

    Now I always thought of Spud as being a person with curls …. all over ~runs like hell~

  12. Steppenwolf

    “Don’t worry about wearing clean underwear. If you get in an accident they’ll be soiled anyway.”

    “Yes, that *is* an impressive booger Billy.”

  13. “Playing with that too often will make it grow longer.”

  14. Spud

    Mother also said “stop it or you’ll go blind”

    *tap tap tap*

  15. “Playing with that too often will make it grow longer.”
    Is that what caused it…

  16. Spud

    I think mother was refering to sitting too close to the Tv screen. 😉

  17. I’m sure my mother would say all of those things, if only she thought of them. For instance, a recent incident:
    She comes over to visit and brings me some pots and pans.
    I say: “But mom, I don’t need them and I don’t want to wash them.” (Hey, anything that I can say to minimize the amount of dishwashing I have to do I will do).
    Her reply: “But your knee hurts!”
    Apparently having excess pots and pans is a cure for knee pain.

Comments are closed