1. “Ohio is this year’s Florida.” [Ohio has beaches and sharks? Cool, that’s only an hour’s drive for me.]
  2. “They’re playing this game like they’re running for county sheriff.” [Actually, they’re playing it like they’re running for President]
  3. “It’s a dead-heat. Just too close to call.” [What was your first clue?]
  4. “Sure the popular vote is important, but let’s not forget that all-important electoral college.” [Yes, you reminded us before the last commercial break.]
  5. “Who’s going to win? It’s anyone’s guess.” [My guess is the winner will win. I feel pretty confident with that prediction]
  6. “Let’s not call this one just yet. We don’t want to fall into the trap we did four years ago.” [So shut up , already]
  7. “We just don’t want to blow the whistle before the play is over.“ [This is an election, not a football game. Go back to local sports coverage.]
  8. “Our exit polls show…” [Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! ]
  9. “How do we think Nader will impact New Hampshire?” [How do we think bumblebees affect computer sales?]
  10. “Kerry needs to hold this state closely.” [This is an election; not a poker game, idiot.]
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35 thoughts on “Phrases I could go the rest of my life without hearing again

  1. Hey at least you guys are from the US and it somehow concerns you but why must I see this whole bulls&#@t non stop on TV (I’m from Europe) -look Bush is going to remain president no Kery is no Bush is. F*&ck let them vote and we’ll just see :mad::!::-?

  2. One point for Christian!!!!!
    We’ve been seeing this stuff on our TV’s for the last three weeks (daily) as if it means something, as if the outcome will change the world, as if it matters if dumb or dumber runs your country. Please let this be the last piece on the elections (i’d be ever so grateful).

  3. I second that Anna and vote for no more American election updates on British T.V!

    Theres only so much hype and deception a guy can take and I was kind of under the impression that Mr. Blair was our current preferred supplier for bullshit.



  4. The American election has brought back strong feelings of deja moo though……..

    The feeling I’ve heard all this bullshit before.


  5. This is what I NEVER want to hear again:

    ‘Since you are 7 hours ahead of us, tell me who won the election’.

    Nothing like having a family full of time ‘tards in the states

  6. “Election Americano” a play by Rev.


    Kerry =:roll: “erm um…I dont know..erm”

    Bush = 😈 “Lets kill things!”

    Blair = :geek: “Make love to me Bush I so want to feel part of America inside me”

    Bin Laden =:dead: “Lets kill things!”

  7. I’d like to not hear any more automated celebrities calling my house telling me to vote. So far I’ve gotten calls from Kirsten Dunst (wtf?!), Bill Clinton, and Alfre Woodard.


    Bush has won the election!!!!! Despite the fact ALL the votes are yet to be counted!!

    Oh why won’t Mr.Kerry concede defeat? (see above)

    Just a general enquiry from a Brit about Mr. Bush….Is he on medication or does he always act like that?

  9. Young eligible gay man available for a good looking American man looking to move to Canada to get away from the USA.

    Come to Canada and enjoy our gay marriages and bush free environment. (hmmm that works on so many levels)


    Anyway, looks like we will have to wait and see what happens.

  10. Yes Nikki,

    That stare is quite something…

    It must of taken years of practice to look that vacant even for a man thats quite clearly, not the sharpest tool in the box.

    Back home we call it “The lights are on, but nobodys home” technique.


  11. I love how the loser concedes, rather than waiting for the votes to be counted. Nobody’s vote counts! What actually affects the election are the exit polls!

  12. Paul,

    You make me sad.

    I thought most people (well those with a clue) actually realised that the Queen has no political duties whatsoever.
    In fact we basically keep her around to bring in tourists now.

    We do however vote for a Prime Minister.

    Just so you know for future sarcasm.


  13. Hey Paul ….. don’t you touch my queen!! I pay f*cking taxes so she can be our businesscard to the rest of the world 😈 (which we really need, cuz no one knows us – coffeeshops, free drugs for junks, gay marriage, no death penalty, limited access to guns etc etc).
    Luckily we have like 30 (okay, I exagerate, it’s 15) political parties to choose from at election time.

    Jeez I just read that again and I realize I don’t mind living here (even if it’s with some queen).

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