Names that damn children

Let’s face it. Some names damn children to a life of teasing. For instance:

  1. Jasper [M] = “Please don’t beat me up. Again.”
  2. Dawn [F] = “After I make the cheerleading squad, I’m joining Up with People.”
  3. Wilbur [M] = “Earn extra money doing cartoon voices. Hmm.”
  4. Cheyenne [F] = “Mom? Guess what? I just starred in my first porno flick.”
  5. Remington [M] = “Daddykins? Mummsy says I can be on the sculling team.”
  6. Kayla [F] = “I blew my teacher for an A.”
  7. Justin [M] = “Can I hang out with you guys? Huh? Can I? Can I?”
  8. Cassandra [F] = “I sell my panties on my LiveJournal.”
  9. Skye [M] = “So I carry a purse and date men. That doesn’t make me gay.”
  10. Chloe [F] = “Does God have like, planets that he can destroy?”
Show 46 Comments


  1. Spud

    Russell [M] = Who the hell’s in my garden!
    Doug [M] = Hey mate, can I borrow your shovel
    Bob [M] = Get out of the bloody pool!
    Matt [M] = Oh, sorry about that dude


  2. Chad [M] = I surf and hang out with beach babes ALL day, dude.

  3. Brian[M]= About as original as a pancake.

  4. GrumpySimon

    Dave [M] – (who’s brave enough :twisted:)

  5. Spud

    Neil [M] = “hey can I get up now?”

  6. Spud brings up a good point. Children who are named after verbs:
    Bob, Doug, Mary, Neil, Chip…

    Minnie, I work with a Chad and he is a total surf/skaterat. Good call.

  7. Spud

    Fanny [F] = “does this look right to you?”

  8. Mandy

    Fanny [F] = “Does this make my butt look big?” :thong:

  9. Spud

    Warren [M] = “I’m feeling a bit holy”

    Buzz [M] = “trust me, I know what I’m doing…”

    Bernie [M] = “keep away from flames”

    Skip [M] = “hey, catch this…”

    Eileen [F] = “hey babe, get off me”

    Bud [M] = “pssst hey you, want some gunga?”

  10. Kayla [F] and Remington [M] get married and have Dawn [F].

  11. Tiffiny (F) – “Like I’m totally going to be a psychology major.”

    Waldo (M) – Parents make him wear a bowtie.

    Earl (M) – Only seven-year old at the party wearing a wife beater and a mullet.

    Montana, Alaska, Dakota, Nevada – Parents are wannabe outdoor types.
    (with the exception of Washington, where parents are progressive African-Americans)

  12. Icairus

    Dave [M] – I’ve got writer’s block and can’t come up with something to post on my blog, so I’ll mock names!

  13. These wacko names, they crack me up. Now, my ex-girlfriend and some-time-lover had a kid three years ago (hey she got married) and named him Ilian — and pronounces it Eel-i-ANN. I dunno. Poor kid, he has to grow up in a Latin american country with a very strange name. Well, she could have named him Nelson.

  14. Sunshinegrl

    I just hope your ex-girlfriend likes attending gay weddings, Rust.

    Unless she did a fairy.

  15. cbatdux

    Sadie – “Want to go to a dance with me after I whip you with this chain?”

  16. jay

    Rusty[M]-“Boy, this is gonna hurt!!”
    “Thanks for the mullet mom”

  17. Anonymous

    Icairus [?] – Big fat nerd sitting behind a computer with nothing better to do than make pathetic attempts to criticize blog posts with his own lame comments.

  18. God

    Icairus? You are the reason I feel compelled to kill kittens. :dead:

  19. Dirk [M} – After getting expelled from school will work at many gas stations.

  20. Samantha

    Oh man … My name is Samantha. I wonder what horrible comment could be made about THAT one!:roll:

  21. All men named Dave are funny and witty. To wit: Barry, Sedaris, Linabury…

  22. Oh, that crazy Nick Cage. He and his wife just had a baby. According to CNN, they’ve named the newborn Kal-El

  23. Stephanie

    Jen- Every guy’s girlfriend or ex-girlfriend is named Jen. I’s easy to remember when you are trying to blow someone off: “I’m still not over my ex-gf. Her name was Jen.” Ha! (but hey, when I’m lonely I will drunk dial and beg to come over ’cause I’m “lonely”):wtf:

  24. Santana

    Bob… Starts with a B ends with a B

  25. I always thought Jasper was one of those made-up, good-for-stories names. Until my boss seriously called his kid that. Poor thing.

    Every Dave I know is cool like that, too. Thx for not letting me down, Dave.

  26. frisko

    John Ignacious Anglin V

    AKA “JJ” to his Auntie Frisko

    running to purchase nappies.

  27. Xavier [M] = “I’m the second coming.”

    Evan [M] = “What’s going on down there?”

    Elle [F] = 😈

    Isabel [F] = “What’s that ringing in my ears?”

    Paige [F] = “Read any good books lately?”

    Woody [M] = :wang:

    Willie [M] = :limp:

    Nick [M] = “I cut myself shaving.”

    Alexis [F] = “Wanna go for a ride?”

    Rich [M] = “Sure. I’ll drive.”

  28. SqrNtZpr

    Hmm… my girlfriend’s name is Kayla! :wtf:

  29. Jera

    You people are so lame!!!!!!:roll:

  30. Samantha

    Otto and Bob: Two names that can be spelled forward or backwards.
    P.S. I teased my son his entire childhood I considered naming him Otto for that very reason. When he was little he’d cry! *lol*:evil:

  31. DaBull !!!

    I must object!!!
    I have only two daughters, and they are named Cheyenne and Chloe!
    Although that Chloe listing seems pretty right-on. lol

  32. em

    My mum took my brother to the registry office, determined to call him Dylan Kim. Luckily my dad must have intercepted her as he brough him home as Jack Daniel.

    Shame my mum later dropped his surname and made him adopt Daniel as his surname… named after bourbon, poor boy.

  33. garth

    Samantha……..making your son cry when he was little by name calling and getting enjoyment out of it means that your name should be “Prick” :limp: but as you are female we’ll leave the imagination to consider the alternatives

  34. Ms. Z

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the water BOB

    What do you call a man with no arms or legs in your mailbox BILL

    what do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on the wall ART

  35. Spud

    What do you call his arms & legs?
    “Pieces of art”

    What if he has no tounge?
    “Tasteless art”


  36. darlin

    :grin:you people make me laugh…..keep it up roflmao

  37. Coley

    I always thought it was strange that people named there children Faith, Christian, or Jesus. That’s a high expectation to live up to. I knew an awful lot of “catholic school girls” named Faith and Grace, who had anything but. 😳

  38. Mandy

    Does that mean girls named Charity always give it away? :undies:

  39. Coley

    Pretty much….ever known a girl named Chastity??

  40. Paige Dalton

    Kel-El-(m) My dad and mom are Hollywood freaks who couldnt give me a normal name, like Alphonse of Euripides.:wtf:

  41. Coley

    Or Apple, or Maddox


  42. operaticbacon

    Shouldn’t the guy named Jack Daniel have been a ‘pour’ boy?

  43. Goodwin

    Chasity – Yes they spelled it wrong.

  44. roger

    Here’s one that makes you go WTF:

    Philippa was born Friday night at Hometown hospital, weighing in at 9lb, 4oz and 21 inches long.

    Mum and ‘Pippa’ doing well. Be home Tuesday.

    As in Pippa Longstocking? OK, it’s not pippy, but damn close.

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