1. Draining his pasta
  2. Cleaning her lint trap
  3. Rearranging her bookshelves
  4. Checking her fluid levels
  5. Soaking the dentures
  6. Uncorked her champagne
  7. Filing her taxes
  8. Grinding the beans
  9. Polishing the boots
  10. Licking her stamp collection
  11. Winding her clock
  12. Counting her rosary beads
  13. Sending out the invitations
  14. Flipping her hotcakes
  15. Burning his CD
  16. Waxing her hood
  17. Blowing out the candle
  18. Carving the pumpkin
  19. Booking her tickets
  20. Refinish her end table

40 thoughts on “More things that sound dirty, but aren’t

  1. Things that sound clean but aren’t:

    “Splitting the melon”, an asian (I think Chinese) euphemism for the ‘opening’ of the vagina for sex (or even for penetration.)

    Think about that the next time you split open a melon and start to clean it, you nasty little sex pig, you! 😳

  2. Strapping on her seatbelt :thong:

    Peeling his banana (ok too obvious) :wang:

    I like polishing the hood too, Spud. I think all women do :grin::lol:

  3. Parking in the rear.
    Fresh squeezed lemons.
    Beach thongs.
    For those familiar with the menu at IHOP: “Moons over my hammy”

  4. She said to me she ate 3 hot dogs today she doesn’t think she can take another, and that she is stuffed full of thoose wieners she doesn’t kno wwhere she would put that 4th one i cooked up for her.

  5. Has anyone seen my girlfriend? she said she was just going to go get some hard salami from the butcher some long Squash from the green grocer, and maybe a rocket pop from the ice cream man, She even promised to bring me back a snowball from the ice cream man, but i havent seen her in 2 days

  6. Family vacation in the minivan
    Little Sussy : MOMMY! Johny keeps poking me with his spoon and trying to balance his cheerios on my chin and forehead while im trying to sleep,
    Mom : dont worry Sussy, he’s just like his father, he’ll be done in a minute and be sound asleep

  7. :wang::???::limp::thong::undies::boxers::wtf::sad::mad::eek::???::wang::roll::razz::oops::kiss::java::idea::grin::geek::evil::dead::cool::smile::boobs::twisted::neutral::mrgreen::-(:-?:!::wtf:

  8. Blowing his Horn?
    Lubing the Tuba?
    Plucking the G-String?
    Tooting the Flute?
    Playing the Organ?
    Beating her Bongos?
    Orchestrating a Movement?
    Sounds like music to my ears!

  9. Peeling chiles
    Applying her lip gloss
    Eat at the “Y”
    Stirring her brownies
    Pushing in her stool

    and of course, the ever popular,
    “Stick your penis in her butt and move it around a bit.”

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