More things that sound dirty, but aren’t

  1. Draining his pasta
  2. Cleaning her lint trap
  3. Rearranging her bookshelves
  4. Checking her fluid levels
  5. Soaking the dentures
  6. Uncorked her champagne
  7. Filing her taxes
  8. Grinding the beans
  9. Polishing the boots
  10. Licking her stamp collection
  11. Winding her clock
  12. Counting her rosary beads
  13. Sending out the invitations
  14. Flipping her hotcakes
  15. Burning his CD
  16. Waxing her hood
  17. Blowing out the candle
  18. Carving the pumpkin
  19. Booking her tickets
  20. Refinish her end table
Show 40 Comments


  1. tinamarie

    Things that sound clean but aren’t:

    “Splitting the melon”, an asian (I think Chinese) euphemism for the ‘opening’ of the vagina for sex (or even for penetration.)

    Think about that the next time you split open a melon and start to clean it, you nasty little sex pig, you! 😳

  2. “Clean her uvula*”

    Argh, I’m tired. I have nothing.

    (*Not to be confused with the vulva, of course!)

  3. Spud

    My wife likes to polish the hood.

  4. tinamarie

    ooooh, spud, talk dirty to me :wang:

  5. Tenderizing the meat.
    Tooting the horn.
    Trimming the wick.
    Shampooing the carpet.

  6. Spud

    My wife also mows the lawn

  7. Mandy

    Strapping on her seatbelt :thong:

    Peeling his banana (ok too obvious) :wang:

    I like polishing the hood too, Spud. I think all women do :grin::lol:

  8. jackson

    Parking in the rear.
    Fresh squeezed lemons.
    Beach thongs.
    For those familiar with the menu at IHOP: “Moons over my hammy”

  9. Mike

    Always be careful with your hardrive, you don’t want to start out with a floppy disc.:limp: tinamarie sounds fun

  10. He checked under the hood.
    Her carpet matches the drapes.

    He gave her a chili dog. :dead:

    She likes her sandwhich with extra mayo.

  11. DaBull !!!

    Waxing her Volvo
    Licking it dry
    Kissing his balls for good luck
    Splitting hairs
    Eradicating his spam

  12. Arrrr, shiver me timbers right up ‘er port-hole ’cause I’m ready to come about.

    Friggin’ in the riggin’, anyone?

  13. I swear I read it as “winding her cock.” 😳

  14. How come no one thought of “screwing the bolts”? 😀

    Also: “Kneading the dough balls.”

  15. One more!

    “I have a zoo. I feed the beavers daily.”

    Nikki and Dave, you have created a monster. 😈

  16. reed man

    blowing the horn.
    wetting the reed.
    vamp! (to do it over and over again)

  17. ruthy

    “Buttering his muffin”

  18. Paula

    My husband’s favorite,

    Poker in the front and liquor in the rear.



  19. Paula

    Ok. . said it backwards. .it should be

    Liquor in the front and poker in the rear.


  20. :java:
    Weeding her azaleas
    Posting his blog
    Mopping her milk
    Pumping his brakes

  21. Karl

    Polishing the knob

  22. WhoYaTesin

    Cut her cake with my knife.

    Love your peaches want to shake your tree.

  23. steve

    eating a spicy taco,

  24. steve

    putt the hot dog on the bun , and add a little mustard

  25. steve

    she likes to lick the cream out of the canoli before she eats it

  26. steve

    come sit on santas lap

  27. steve

    She said to me she ate 3 hot dogs today she doesn’t think she can take another, and that she is stuffed full of thoose wieners she doesn’t kno wwhere she would put that 4th one i cooked up for her.

  28. steve

    Has anyone seen my girlfriend? she said she was just going to go get some hard salami from the butcher some long Squash from the green grocer, and maybe a rocket pop from the ice cream man, She even promised to bring me back a snowball from the ice cream man, but i havent seen her in 2 days

  29. steve

    When you kill a rooster and eat it for dinner, why isn’t it called eating cock?

  30. steve

    Family vacation in the minivan
    Little Sussy : MOMMY! Johny keeps poking me with his spoon and trying to balance his cheerios on my chin and forehead while im trying to sleep,
    Mom : dont worry Sussy, he’s just like his father, he’ll be done in a minute and be sound asleep

  31. Anonymous


  32. H. R. Gerrard

    Blowing his Horn?
    Lubing the Tuba?
    Plucking the G-String?
    Tooting the Flute?
    Playing the Organ?
    Beating her Bongos?
    Orchestrating a Movement?
    Sounds like music to my ears!

  33. wendy

    I don’t like ketchup on my hot dog

  34. Tuning his instrument.
    Boning her fish.

  35. Anonymous


  36. Peeling chiles
    Applying her lip gloss
    Eat at the “Y”
    Stirring her brownies
    Pushing in her stool

    and of course, the ever popular,
    “Stick your penis in her butt and move it around a bit.”

  37. Beckie

    Riding the bolonie pony
    eating tube steak smothered in underwear

  38. Leah

    It really creams my Twinkie
    When we visit Felicia

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