Guide to Artists’ Models No. 1: The Earth Mother

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 1: The Earth Mother
Nude Model No1., The Earth Mother

The Earth Mother is probably the most common of artists’ models. A vast expanse of doughy flesh topped with a mop of unshorn hair, she is happiest walking aboutau naturale in the presence of young men. The Earth Mother feels it is her duty on earth to inform budding artists of the benefits of an all-tofu diet, something she is clearly not adhering to, given her ponderous girth.


  1. “Maybe the men in the class would be more comfortable with my body if they explored it physically. Y’know, just to get a feel for the curves and textures.”
  2. “I made a tofu-loaf, if anyone is hungry.”
  3. “I’m saving my menstrual blood in a jar. Someday I may need it.”
  4. “I have seven lovers right now, all between the ages of 17 and 24. I’m trying to make them explore their feminine side, but they keep refusing to wear the mumus I made for them.”
  5. My youngest son and I often bathe together. He’s graduating medical school next month.”
Show 52 Comments


  1. Stephanie

    :razz:6. My breasts can be used as flotation devices in case of an emergency landing.

  2. 7. I finally decided to get into shape. The shape I chose was a sphere. 🙄

  3. Ian

    Clearly, that illustration is John Goodman in a Linda Tripp birthday suit! Who did you commission for THAT?

  4. JFLY

    C’mon Dave,

    I really don’t think this is what Pagans have in mind when they picture an “Earth Mother”. How about a cheap shot at “Mother Mary”?

    Wait…maybe that’s her?

  5. Ian, Dave is an accomplished illustrator and caricaturist. IMHO, this is one of his best caricatures yet… portrays the character *very* accurately. 😎

  6. 8. “I like to live like nature intended. I don’t shave… anywhere and don’t even ask me to consider underarm deodarants.”

  7. Anna

    9. So what if I smell … that’s all natural.

    10. Manolo Blanick? I wear homemade, straw sandals.

  8. Marcus

    It’s Gorge Bush in a fat lady suit. It’s the only way he won’t be noticed as long as he doesn’t speak.

  9. Jeez, I must be having a really bad “spell.”

    That SHOULD have read “HAVE my Cuke, and eat it, too”

    G’night all…

  10. Steve

    So the Earth Mother is a cougar???

  11. If I had a nickel for every time I saw her at Disneyworld last week…

  12. frisko

    Here boobs are coming out of her neck. eeew. I thought you were done with art class Dave.

  13. mikeB

    Cant’… stop … staring … at … :boobs::boobs: … of … doom.

  14. Mandy

    Dave, I just want to thank you. :kiss:

    Not for sharing your art school horrors with us.

    For not drawing her hairy pussy. I would not recover from seeing her junk.

  15. mikeB

    Thanks for the visual, Mandy. 😐

  16. Nina


    Wow how many of you men went :limp:?

  17. Nicholle

    Why is one behemoth breast so much bigger than the other, and why are they coming out of her neck?! :wtf:

  18. Nina: I think that’s the point of hiring women like that. Men will actually draw and not stare. Although, as you will see in later part sof this series, that doesn’t always happen.

    Nicholle: Yes, the breasts seem to be a natural bib, growing from one of her 37 chins.

  19. MIKE

    Is she the type you cover with flour and hunt for the bisquit?:sad:

  20. It’s Henry Kissinger’s head on Kirstie Allie’s body. She’s hot! 😈

  21. 😕

    Why is there not a vomit icon?

  22. Bella

    i have one thing to say to u dave….
    ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

  23. Dave, this is really like a train wreck. I know I shouldn’t have looked, but damn. And Nina, no, actually it dropped off.

  24. Craig

    Maybe her soon to be doctor of a son should tell her (while there in the tub of course) that carrying around those 55 gallon drums that she calls tits Might not be the best thing for her back. :wtf:

  25. Bubbles

    *barf* okay, I feel better, although I’m never eating again.

  26. “My mother-in-law went to the doctor with a pain under her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.” -Phyllis Diller


  27. misskitty


  28. Marcus

    :idea:It looks like she wrapped a bolster pillow around her neck. Or it is a new kinda scarf for those cold days. Maybe she didn’t eat the tofu, but made it into breast implants. tofu breast implants. LOL:twisted:

  29. Spud

    Bloody funny picture Dave.


  30. mitch smith

    :boobs::boobs::limp: Don’t know why but the term: “mood-killer” came to mind. But with enough alcohol and bad lighting..who knows?

  31. Time to rinse the retinas in some lemon-scented Clorox!:dead:

  32. As a person of some size, who is also a vegetarian (two years now), I must say, I prefer humor that is not poking fun at a person’s size.

    BTW: Tofu can be very high-fat, I seriously restrict the amount in my diet.

  33. Check out my Freakwatchers site. I make fun of all weights and builds. No one is safe. 😈

  34. dougieace

    we all have our crosses to bear, hers just happens to be made of deep fried its time to surf for i can see if ive been left permanently impotent.thanks dave, you bastard.

  35. hmm… she looks very much like one of our figure drawing models back here in the Kansas City Art Institute, who unfortunately urinated on herself at the platform she was standing on during a 30 minute session…

    Guess she should have skipped the grande latte.

  36. That’s is exactly what I’m referring to, Cherish. Artists’ models are an “interesting” lot.

  37. jamie

    :wtf: I thought I had big boobs!!!

  38. H. R. Gerrard

    Aye there, Dave!
    Las’ time I saw a creature ‘at size, she sunk
    3 longboats!
    ‘At’s what thye make Harpoons fer!
    Sights like ‘at can turn a mizzen mast
    into a toothpick!
    Which is why I live in Colorader now!
    Yer a SICK lubber, ‘at’s all I can say!!!

  39. Sorry, Bella. I had to break your “Ewwwww” into a several lines. It was borking my comments.

  40. Rand

    I thought Ted Kennedy ‘quit’ drinking…as much

  41. Christall

    Oh my–she’s quit the beauty.. I wonder what’s under her hair. looks like her son doesn’t help her comb it after their evening bath. and by the way that whole seniaro is just all wrong.

  42. logan

    got milk:grin:

  43. Mandy

    lol @ logan 😀

  44. Mandy

    Oh my–she’s quit the beauty
    You’re right, Christall. She HAS quit beauty! 😛

  45. Cheryl

    :boobs::boobs: Holy **** lol, :boobs::boobs:

  46. GentleRose

    😐 how many of you with just a lil weight on you went on a diet becuz of that picture??:???:

  47. Marcus

    Got milk? lol@logan. More like soy milk from the tofu. lol:eek:

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