Greek Myths in Five Words, Part I

  1. Medusa: Snakes on a Face
  2. Perseus took that bitch’s head
  3. Narcissus liked what he saw
  4. Zeus was a playa hater
  5. Oedipus liked him some MILF
  6. Pan was a sex machine
  7. Leda got laid by swans
  8. Jason had a fleece pullover
  9. Cyclops wore one contact lens
  10. Sisyphus pushed rocks all day
  11. Dædalus was one smart beyotch
  12. Dryope’s boobs turned into branches
  13. Theseus said, “No more bullshit!”
  14. Sphynx rapped some heavy rhymes
  15. Helen was a little hottie
  16. Bellerophon kicked some Chimera butt
  17. Vulcan was not a Vulcan
  18. Briareus had a hundred arms
  19. Hercules could kill Chuck Norris
  20. Pegasus flew; poop from above

With help from the lovely Natalie

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  1. Spud

    Nicely done Dave, very bloody clever indeed, a full 20 pts for this post.

    I I may…

    21. Why Cassandra got the chop
    22. How Dionysus got roaring drunk (again – with subtext)
    23. Poseidon went goes swimming nude (abridged version)
    24. Artemis gets stoned – breaking news


  2. Timm

    Damocles was given an edge.

  3. 25. Tantalus: He can’t get no satisfaction.
    26. Agamemnon: Needed a marriage guidance councilor.
    26. Icarus: Chuck Jaeger of his day. (but had the wrong stuff)
    27. Apollo: The first metrosexual in history.
    28. The Amazons: Girls gone wild, sort of.
    29. The Hydra: Bad hangover in animal form.

  4. Corinne

    Um…Chuck Norris cannot be killed. By anyone. Ever.

  5. Spud

    Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Zeus so hard he became a woman.

    Never dis Chuck Norris, he sees everything.


  6. bhamm

    Woohoo! I love Greek Mythos:

    – Chimera couldn’t decide it’s form
    – The Minotaur was mostly bull
    – Oedipus had some major issues
    – Trojan War wasn’t about condoms
    – Trojan horse had surprise inside
    – Never listen to Siren’s song
    – Hades enjoyed him some necrophilia
    – Styx is river, not band

    Last one:
    – Disney ain’t got no idea

  7. [Comment ID #74057 will be quoted here]

    Oh Lung, you cheated. However, being as how you are one of the funniest commenters ever, you have a chance to redeem yourself. Five words must include the name. :geek:

  8. Spud

    Yeah, count the words an all lung the other. 😛


    It’s kinda like a new form of haiku.


  9. plopsie

    amazons were one tit wonders
    Pandora had one nasty box
    Leda: literally given the bird
    Persephone was Hades’ old lady

  10. MrDoug

    Thor: Liked to go Boom
    Hercules was a big baller
    Oedipus sniffed the mommy pot
    Sphinx riddle me this batman

  11. helen of troy: not skinny
    prometheus: stole fire, got burned
    golden fleece was pimp suit
    cyclops was really big brother (all-seeing eye, see brother?)
    hades did it extra hot
    persephone liked things in mouth
    icarus should’ve flown west jet
    odysseus wasn’t ‘lost’ at sea
    circe: misunderstood black magic hippy
    achilles should’ve worn high tops
    river lethe? alcoholic water course
    a hippogriff? horse, of course…
    aphrodite really liked every body

    dangitall, i could go on forever

  12. Drusky

    Jason fleeced them like sheep
    Homer’s Odyssey wasn’t a Honda
    Pegasus was not a Horsefly
    Would Pegasus leave ‘sky’ apples?
    Icarus hated his hot waxing
    Poseidon didn’t sink rolled over
    Pan was first with groupies
    Satyrs spoke with pointed tails

  13. cbatdux

    Minotaur Lost – story at 11.

  14. mikeB

    Genius, Dave. Glad to see you back to the posts you used to do. I for one, like your written work better than the photos. 🙂

  15. Europa, first for interspecies relationships.

  16. Steve-O

    Story of Perseus, Five words.

    Dictys fishes up child support.
    Mother and son, nice catch!
    Was Danae a Hotty? Hrmm…
    Polydectes seemed to think so.
    Too bad Perseus is gansgta.
    Medusa’s head as wedding gift?
    That’s cool, Perseus is game.
    Athena hated that bitch, too.
    Perseus went looking for nymphs…
    Ended up ganking an eyeball.
    Nymphs “hooked Perseus up”, hot.
    Medusa’s Lair: Everyone is stoned.
    Sleeping? How easy is that?
    Medusa’s head in Perseus’ Sack..
    Nikes free Perseus from Pegasus.
    Hotty on a rock spotted!
    Andromeda’s hot, Mom is hotter.
    Perseus kills Nessy, marries Andromeda.
    Phineus pissed, can’t bang Andromeda.
    Shit gets bad from there.
    Phineus and his crew: Stoned.
    Polydectes, want to see it?
    No need for viagra now.
    Perseus hits up athletic contest.
    Nice throw, douche: Grandpa’s dead.
    It’s cool, that’s the prophecy.
    Athena still thinks you’re badass.

Comments are closed