Astral Body Workout

I was IMing with my friend Jim S. when we got on one of those odd topics. I know. Moi? Talk about something weird? So we’re talking about astral bodies, something I find both fascinating and well … highly improbable.

I just don’t buy into it. Not the fact that it’s, you know, bullshit. I’ve heard worse. Like that Ark story. I’m talking about the inconvenience of having an astral body. I mean, I can barely take care of this one, and now I have to take care of an invisible body, too? That just doesn’t seem fair. I’m far too busy to fit one more exercise regimen into my schedule.

What’s its jacket size? Does it find that Lycra chafes? Is it also averse to synthetic blends? These are the things I need to know. Help me here.

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comment 50 comments
  • Fellow Eskimo

    That whole post would probably make much more sense if I actually had the intelligence to know what an astral body was…maybe that body has my brain. 😕

  • Spud

    Well of course you have an astral body, who do you think it is whispering in your ear as you’re about to have that last slice of pizza?

    Respect!

    Oh yeah, astral body exercise consists of the following :-

    Should I
    Shouldn’t I
    Should I
    Shouldn’t I?

    :geek:

  • Ace

    One of my resolutions this year was to work on my astral body, you know, to keep it from expanding cause at the rate its going now everyone is going to be able to see my astral body project! I don’t think they make clothes big enough for my astral body.
    Lame, I know.

  • family jules

    When I got off the astral plane, my astral body was rerouted along with my luggage. I am still waiting for it to get its astral self back to my house.

  • Anna

    My astral body does all the things I’m too chicken, lazy or fat to try.
    – It walks around naked (outside) – no clothes neccesary.
    – It is model-thin. It doesn’t eat – no food allergies.
    – It runs marathons – is therefore in good shape.
    – Went to college – is the intelligent one of us.
    You should train/bribe yours likewise.

  • Becky

    Hmmm the only thing I understood is that it’s National Potato chip day! 😛

  • justjim

    I have found after years of exhausting research that it is simply much easier if you let your astral body do all of the dirty work you know you never want to do… now who in their right mind really wants to have to scrub out a toilet?
    And this wonderful astral body is the perfect scapegoat… Try this the next time you have to fight a traffic ticket in court. Question the police officer with these words. I couldn’t have been speeding officer. You see, I wasn’t even there, I was hard at work, perhaps it was my astral body you saw behind the whell at the time of the offence. It sure works for me 🙄

  • mitch

    My astral body is still recovering from that hunting trip with a drunk Dick Cheney. Who knew that bastard could shoot that well when he was soused. I mean my astral body is smaller than a rich lawyer. But I expect it to recover completely.
    I love Fran.

  • Nikki

    When you leave an astral plane, do you have jet lag?

  • bhamm

    I wouldn’t know… even my astral body is ashamed to hang out with me.

  • Anita Mann-Badley

    I have an astral body that travels with me?!? Oh, what a relief. Apparently, mine isn’t too smart since people look our way and murmur, “Can you believe what a total dumb astral she is?”

  • cbatdux

    Does Mitch’s astral body love Fran’s astral body?

  • Paige

    My astral body is kinda fat from the winter. I thin I need an astral workout!!! :wtf:

  • mitch smith

    [Comment ID #29423 will be quoted here]
    You betcha!!!! Astrally

  • mikeB

    [Comment ID #29304 will be quoted here]

    LOL! Spewed my :java: allover my :wang:

  • Mandy

    [Comment ID #29390 will be quoted here]

    too funny! :kiss:

  • Bjorn Freeh

    My astral body would like to meet Anna’s. Anna, here’s a picture of him:

    He says the unibrow is really just a trick of the light. For the record, he’s an SCM (single clear male); Aquarius; likes shadow dancing and long walks at night; only drinks water; fully employed as a quality inspector at the Saran Wrap factory.

  • Bjorn Freeh

    Mandy, if you ever need a new avatar photographer, my astral body would like to apply…

  • Other April

    I just wanted to say Mandy’s thong needs more fur.

  • Beaner

    wow, and i thought i had ant problems now! i can’t even imagine how crazy i would get if i had an infestation with those little buggers!

  • Esther

    Me and my astral body had lunch together, but she couldn’t finish her taco salad.

    Mandy, if that’s your ass, well, damn!

  • Becky

    [Comment ID #29492 will be quoted here]

    Yikes is that butt real?……sigh
    :dead:

  • tenderflower

    frisbeetarianism – the belief that when one dies, their astral body flies up onto ones roof and gets stuck there.

  • Jeffro

    [Comment ID #29492 will be quoted here]

    I think she would have to wear it backwards for that.

  • tabbie

    My astral body is trying to catch up with my “ass and body” since it is spring break here and i have 4 kids aged from 3months to 11yrs anyone see either of them catch em and hold on til I can get back to you!!! 😛

  • Other April

    [Comment ID #29502 will be quoted here]

    I, too, was debating whether or not to turn that around (pun intended) into an 80s Hustler bush joke.

    Thanks for being there, Jeffro.

  • family jules

    My astral self just showed up in a limo smoking a Cuban cigar, wearing Dutch wooden shoes, a dashiki and a Panama hat. She gave me a package of peanuts and went into the living room and crashed, so Nikki, its either jet lag or the Jamaican rum . She always has better vacations than I do! 🙁

    By the way, my luggage is being held hostage in Syria. Apparently they thought my astral self was a spy.

  • dougieace

    you guys are talking about asstrals,huhu thats cool

  • Spud

    Mandy likes to tease us…

    I could post a picture of my arse in a thong, but well, um hemaroids, arse hair and pimples probably won’t cut it as an avatar.

    I dunno, what say you?

    :geek:

  • laceylegacey

    [Comment ID #29313 will be quoted here]
    you are not alone
    :wtf:

  • starhealer

    spud i beg of you leve you pants on!!!! no one needs to see that :limp: my astrele body moved out a month ago she and i don’t get on verry well :wtf:

  • Jules

    The problem I have is getting my astral out of bed every morning to face the day with too many other astrals out there. I think I’ll have go out and buy a bag of potato chips today and eat the whole thing just to be able to recover.

  • Mandy

    [Comment ID #29488 will be quoted here]

    Mine’s alright, but that’s NOT my ass! I wish. :thong:

  • mikeB

    Does your astral body conflict with your body of knowledge? :wtf:

    Does your astral body get a makeover? :wtf:

    Does anyone have a hotter avatar than Mandy? :wang:

    BTW Mandy, we need visual proof that your avatar is not your ass.

  • Mandy

    Nice try, mike. 😛

  • Marcus

    [Comment ID #29513 will be quoted here]

    I think my astral self was hanging out with yours. He just showed up wearing saffron robes and no shoes. He had a bottle of Tequila in one had and a joint in the other. He had also mentioned the ganga was from Jamaica. What were they up to? If your astral self starts chanting, I think they went to Tibet, too. Sorry about your luggage.

  • humpty

    intresting… very intresting :wtf:

  • Spud

    Keep trying mike! we’re right beside ya.

    Although I do wonder who would take the picture, if Mandy so graciously consented a small gathering of davezilla readers to authenticate which arse is which.

    😈

  • Mandy

    If you can fly up here to see me, Spud, I will gladly drop trou for your camera. :thong:

  • Spud

    Good god, I think I just had a mild heart attack!

    :wtf:

    List of things to do:-
    1. Buy plane ticket
    2. Get passport
    3. Pack extra thong
    4. Pack camera
    5. Run

  • Davezilla

    [Comment ID #29613 will be quoted here]

    Damn, Spud. I never thought that line would work! Good going, man. :java:

  • Master Solace

    [Comment ID #29615 will be quoted here]

    ?Mild Heart Attack? Are you absolutely sure about that, Spud? I think I’d have a MASSIVE heat attack…or something else massive that starts with an H… :wang: :thong: 😈

  • Master Solace

    oops supposed to be MASSIVE heart attack…got distracted by Mandy’s avatar…visual proof would be great to have Mandy…and if it is true that the ass pic is not really your ass, I don’t think any of us would have a problem with you replacing with yours…I mean come on, looking at your old avatar, with a face like yours, there has to be a great body to go with it :wang:

  • Driver

    Spud I’m not sure I’m worthy of being in your cyber presence, your a man amung men. Oh and dont forget to pack your nitro pills.

  • Ace

    Mandy has a nice astral body.

  • Timmmy

    My astral body likes to cuddle, is really “into” decorating, furniture arranging, and designer clothes, and wants me to go to a nightclub called Phallicity?….. I’m kinda worried about my astal body.

  • Tara Alton

    Will my astral body still have tattoos like my real body?

  • Davezilla

    [Comment ID #29742 will be quoted here]

    Does your astral body read your naughty stories when you’re sleeping, Tara?

  • Master Solace

    [Comment ID #29629 will be quoted here]

    Couldn’t have said it any better myself!!!

  • Paige

    I think my astral body needs to do some Pilates. Too much cold weather and too many Krispy Cremes :puke:

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