Anagram Interview with Tom Cruise

DISCLAIMER: Before you scratch your head or send me hate mail, please note that this is a fake interview. It’s not real. OK? The answers were created by rearranging the letters in Tom Cruise [anagramming]. No disrespect is meant. I’m sure he’s a fine person.

Davezilla: So Tom. I hear you’ve been sending rodents to the outer galaxies to find Xenu?
Tom Cruise: Mice tours!

Davezilla: Fascinating. I notice you’re scratching. Did you get kicked in the nuts?
Tom Cruise: (ie. scrotum)

Davezilla: What’s causing your pain, if you don’t mind my asking?
Tom Cruise: Ice tumors.

Davezilla: How do you get rid of those?
Tom Cruise: I cure most. Moist cure.

Davezilla: Now that you’ve been compared to Jesus, how do you plan on ensuring your immortality?
Tom Cruise: I store cum.

Davezilla: The press is always trying to out you.
Tom Cruise: Crime to us.

Davezilla: I won’t do that, but is it true that you have been known to poke the one-eyed sailor?
Tom Cruise: Rectum? … So?

Davezilla: Just sayin’. So if you were gay, what type of men would you go for?
Tom Cruise: Semi or cut.

Davezilla: As the new Scientology Messiah, how will you protect mankind?
Tom Cruise: Omit curse! I smote cur!

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  1. mikeB

    You goddamned genius, Dave. Oh and happy 60th or however old you are. 😈

  2. pablo

    Total brain fart on this one. How long did it take you to come up with this one? :wtf:

  3. chinabear

    me rut si ?? :wang:

  4. Spud

    I’m so cuter


  5. [Comment ID #84999 will be quoted here]

    About an hour. Not many letters to work with. :geek:

  6. StevieC

    Hate mail for making fun of Tom? I think fan mail would be the more likely reaction. As for the Link of the Day, is that what goes on inside my computer when I google naughty stuff?

  7. [Comment ID #85062 will be quoted here]

    Every time I post one of these, I get inundated with hate mail from fans of that celebrity who seem to think the interviews are real. :dead:

  8. Ms Puppet Launcher

    I suck at Scrabble. I could never do these.

  9. Ms Puppet Launcher

    I said suck. :wtf:

  10. Bigwavdave

    60? Gee, you don’t look it. Besides, 60 is the new ah, 30, right? :wtf:

  11. sledge

    Another reason to hate Tom Cruise.Awsome Dave.Happy happy to you

  12. Bigwavdave

    Oh, and btw – Why don’t you pick on somebody your own size?

  13. Bigwavdave

    Oh, and one more thing…Nicole said, after leaving TC, “I can start wearing high heels again.” :wang:

  14. Mitch

    I store cum.

    F__King brilliant.

    That explains the Ice Tumors. Cryo-Nut-Cruise.

  15. Brilliant.

    Happy 43rd, Mr. Linabury. :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: Let the spanking commence.

  16. tander

    I wondered where you’d take our Cruise-as-Messiah conversation yesterday. Brilliant stuff. And Happy Birthday! 😀

  17. junkman

    what food would you compare yourself to tom? crumpet
    how would you describe your acting ability? cutsie
    when it comes to charitable donations? miser
    how about gay bars? customer
    how are you when you leave the bars? crustie
    who do you really believe in? criste
    when people say you’re insane? truism
    how is katie holmes during sex? mut cries


  18. Atryd

    Feliz CumpleAnos A ti!
    Ten un cumpleAnos fEliz!
    Feliz cumpleAnos Davezilla,
    Feliz cumpleAnos a TI!

    Sapo verde eres tu!
    Sapo verde eres tu!
    Sapo verde Davezilla!
    Sapo verde eres tu!

    Two versions just for you on your birthday!
    May you be blessed with many many more!

  19. 60 – he means your wisdom, not age and I agree. Happy birthday Dave. My father is 70 today also.

  20. Bjorn Freeh

    Geez, Dave. Your birthday is a day before mine… and here I thought I was the older of the two of us.

    Hippo birdy.

  21. Mr Doug

    Another year older? Well let’s all hope the :wang: still works.

    I wonder how much you have to give to the Cult of Scientology to get the title of Jesus? So what does that make Katie and the kid?

  22. Atryd

    [Comment ID #85131 will be quoted here]

    Ha! Just reminded me of my son when he was just learning to talk, instead of Doggy Pile he would leap off the sofa onto unsuspecting victims screaming at the top of his lungs—DUCKY POLLO!!!!

    just sharing

  23. Atryd

    Dave, Have you had your spanking today? 😛

    *spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank* 😳

    and an extra one for good luck *spank* 😈

  24. Spud

    I never remember birthdays and such, belated greetings on the birth of your day Mr Linabury. 😀

  25. Drusky

    [Comment ID #85094 will be quoted here]

    Dave, you lucky duck… 😆
    Have a happy day!

  26. [Comment ID #85143 will be quoted here]

    Thank you! 😈

  27. Atryd

    My pleasure!

  28. Mandy

    [Comment ID #85166 will be quoted here]

    I hope you got him bare-bottomed!

  29. Atryd

    It’s the only way to do it!

  30. Atryd

    Anyone else up for a spanking? That’s willing to return the favor…
    😈 😳 :thong: :wang: 😈

  31. Mikeme

    How about that! Dave went on a CRUISE for his birthday. Jump on a couch for Dave day! 😛 😀 :wtf:

  32. Bjorn Freeh

    [Comment ID #85135 will be quoted here]

    And I’m only 50 (today).

  33. The cat-washing video is the worst case of cruelty I’ve seen in a long time.

    I’m very upset.

  34. [Comment ID #85175 will be quoted here]

    Sitting down after that could be tricky.

  35. [Comment ID #85189 will be quoted here]

    I’ll take my chances. Anyone else offering? 😈

    [Comment ID #85186 will be quoted here]

    The Big 5-0. Happy Birthday

  36. Stevie C

    It’s funny – I saw Atryd’s spanking and the first thought that came in to my head was “There’s a spanking going on; Mandy must be nearby” and a couple of comments later, there she was. Between that and the silicone sex, I’ve had some pretty good laughs today. Thanks Dave and Happy Birthday! Have a :java:, on me.

  37. [Comment ID #85067 will be quoted here]

    There’s programs that generate anagrams. They’re not even all that difficult to write: have an algorithm that loops through all possible combinations of the letters and looks each result up in a dictionary file looking for real-world matches.

    Of course, the *art* of turning the results into humor is what sets the ‘Zilla apart from the rest of us nerds.

  38. [Comment ID #85133 will be quoted here]

    When I heard about the Scientologists declaring his Jesus, my first thought was “Crucifixion? Line on the left; one cross each.” Get out while you still can, Tom!

  39. Mike

    I would like to give Mandy a spanking!

  40. Peaches

    Absolutly brilliant….still scratching my head, wondering how you come up with these things.

    Happy Birthday Dave!!

    Here is 43 hugs and kisses, since you have already been spanked.


  41. Happy Birthday Dave! I hope you’re not too sore from all those spankings. I know I’m gonna get some when I have my birthday in two weeks. Finally, I’ll be 25 and I can rent a car!

  42. Joe-the-ragman

    No poking the “ONE-EYED-SAILOR” NO NO NO. 8)

    Jest sos ye understands eyze aint the types jest cuz eyze got one glazz eye! ! ! 😮

  43. [Comment ID #85264 will be quoted here]

    Bah! I do mine in my head. Not impressed. :dead:

  44. Raz

    Awwww! I missed all the fun birthday times!
    Stoopid stooopid broken compy.

    Well Happy Birthday!!! 😆

  45. Spud

    [Comment ID #85264 will be quoted here]

    Ssshhhh, the natives will hear you…

Comments are closed