Iron Chef Challenge

Let’s see that bastard cook with these secret ingredients:

  1. Tears of a Clown
  2. Cream Rinse Shampoo
  3. Food for thought
  4. A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido
  5. Snake Oil
  6. Gum Arabic
  7. Hen’s Teeth
  8. Primordial Soup
  9. Mystery meat
  10. Any others? Anyone? Bueller?
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57 Replies to “Iron Chef Challenge”

  1. Don’t forget to add eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog.

    and for this crowd, a pinch of :boob: and a jigger of :wang:

  2. Tears of a Clown – like kitchen bouquet, gives it that Smokey (Robinson) flavor
    Cream Rinse Shampoo – good for pasta, cook, rinse, repeat if necesary
    Food for thought – Dosen’t always go down easy and almost always repeats on you
    A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido – Something like Creamora, not cream but a lightener?
    Snake Oil – it cost a whole lot more but you believe it is worth it
    Gum Arabic – Allah says no chewing in class
    Hen’s Teeth – you can substitute lips as well
    Primordial Soup – basic ingredient in all good recipes
    Mystery meat – Hotdogs, baloney, fast food taco fill, chicken nuggets, ???????

  3. A few more:

    Dry Heaves
    Used Tampons
    Toe Cheese

    Any coincidence that a coyote is the same size as a little boy Jaco? I have a feeling that is not all it will be hunting.

  4. “A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido”

    I guess Natalie can look forward to yet another “limp noodle alfredo” tonight.

    Careful Anna … you’re usurping Mandy’s territory. But then again, the guys always like “strange” (new-didn’t want that to be misconstrued). lol Maybe you could add those to Dave’s “part” search. We’d all like to see them … lol

    I’m curious Dave … is this “project” going to be anatomically correct and if so, is it male or female?

    Pablo … you should have your own humor blog! I always look forward to your posts. Just for the record … the best, funniest friend I ever had in the world was a used car salesman. Okay, he owned the place and he was Russian but you get my drift I hope.

    Hey guys … don’t forget to vote for Dave on the blogger’s choice site … I did!

  5. The lazers are only to stun the prey. He will be cryogenically frozen in the belly of the robot with a timer to defrost in the December 1st, 3029. Meanwhile the robot will prowl the “desert” (NM, CA, NV, AZ, etc) collecting little boys and freezing their bodies as well. Their timers will be set in biweekly intervals beginning Dec 2nd, 3029.
    What he will do with the thawed boys bodies is still unknown but there are speculations.

  6. In celebration of Anti-Non Rejection Day I refuse to comment on todays topic, Iron Chef Challenge…But everything else is still fair game! 😈

  7. [Comment ID #174022 will be quoted here]

    Goodness Astrid. The last time I visited your website (last week) you were 16 and now you’re 24 … and committed! How time flies and congrats to the lucky guy/girl.

  8. :wtf: WHAT THE FUCK?!?! (emphasis required)
    I haven’t checked it in a while. I only check it when I get a message, but I’ll make sure it’s correct.
    I’ll be 25 years old April 30th and I haven’t been 16 for almost 9 years now. At least not that I (nor my mother) have been aware of.
    I have a boyfriend to whom I’m very devoted to but doesn’t committed mean I’m not allowed to leave the funny farm?

  9. warning: rude ingredient ahead
    a willnot compote
    swan vomit coulis
    arsehole of brown dwarf
    brussel sprouts (sure they can but i’m not eating them)
    preparation h dingle berry reduction
    stick of nose butter
    prairie oyster’s malpeque
    miracle whip
    vaginal blood fart slurry
    black ass truffle (the truffle is black)
    tainted poon-tang flavor crystals
    dried kumquat flakes
    volcanic seamen salt
    goat milk duds
    lemon pepper puke pips
    buggernut paste
    -hey don’t blame me if you’re offended by miracle whip. i warned you.

  10. By tweaking Daves list just a tad, you have my specialty! I will share it with you now.
    Anti-Terrorist Surprise

    1. Tracks of my tears
    2. Cream rinse shampoo? No, no, no. “Cawndishnah ease betta, oh really fool? Really…pwah! pwah! pwah!………Stop looking at me SWAN!”
    3. Yellow snow
    4. Maria Chiquita Juanita Bonita
    5. Trouser snake…uh, yeah. :limp: :java:
    6. One eyed, one horned flying purple people eater (diced)
    7. Scorpion breath
    8. Mincemeat.
    9. C4 (grated)

    Mix 1-5 together in a large casserole dish. Stir in next 3 ingredients. Bake in a 425 degree oven for 1 hour. Let cool 10 min. Sprinkle generously with C4. Serve immediately.
    Voila!

  11. rose’s hips ,clinkers, great swaying breasts, little tiny pee-pee’s, a bacon fat slurpee, and a partrige in a pear tree

  12. The Cream of Sum Yung Guy
    Vick’s Vapo Rub
    Shards of broken glass covered with wasabi
    Previously-chewed gum found stuck to the underside of a desk
    Cocaine
    Soiled diapers
    Britney Spears’ hair
    Soggy socks
    His own liver

  13. [Comment ID #174026 will be quoted here]

    I was just confused when I saw it for the first time last week and then went back today (and you had aged … lol). Didn’t mean to offend you hon.

    I guess since you haven’t posted recently you haven’t found new digs. Hope you get settled soon so we can hear from you every day.

  14. sorry, i forgot some:
    guardian angel hair pasta
    creamed cornhole niblets
    phlegmish stew stock
    s & m dungeoness crabcake frappe
    betty crocker’s double banana creampie filling
    moleskin cookie dough
    fluff marshmallow spread (yep. this is the rude one)
    nutella’s transgenderfat
    paul newman’s “un-dressing”
    limp weiner mash
    open faced reuben kinkaid with partridge puree
    pork lard panfried fugs
    ali-babba greasy rum balls
    split-tail crackers
    mr. gonad’s kidney bean’s
    jaundice meringue
    cramp juice
    -i’ll stop now this is too fun.

  15. [Comment ID #174040 will be quoted here]

    Well that’s just sickening. Give me more baby and we’ll just go and fuck our preverted brains out. Assuming we have one left between us. lol

  16. [Comment ID #174026 will be quoted here]

    Sorry I didn’t address this in my first reply. “Committed” is not in my vocabulary but you had this in your profile: Sex/Age/Status: Female/24/Committed.

    You must not get many messages because when I looked at it last week you said you were 16 and I thought to myself … no way! Just wanted to clear up why I said what I did.

  17. No, not offended 😛 Was a little confused, it would have been really wierd being a 16yo with an 8 yo son! But excited my b-day is coming up!
    Very hard to offend me though, just don’t call me a chicana 👿 …I’m Mexican/American, my parents were true wetbacks (anyone have an immediate pop-up of Cheech and Chong?) Appearently I didn’t quite make it to full blown American. 😈

    I don’t know what may have happened on the site but whatever it was is cleared thanks for visiting. I feel special (the good kid of special). Shows you care… 😳

    No digs yet but I’ll try to update as soon as possible. 😀

  18. [Comment ID #174048 will be quoted here]

    “I have a boyfriend to whom I’m very devoted to but doesn’t committed mean I’m not allowed to leave the funny farm?”

    Commited seemed to fit better. They don’t have divorced as an option. Only, Single, Commited, Married, Open Relationship and, I’ll tell you later. Not sure what Open Relationship means but if it has to do with swingers, my Honeybear (AWW 😳 ) wouldn’t like me claiming it! 😛

  19. [Comment ID #174020 will be quoted here]

    Wouldn’t dream of usurping Mandy’s spot … (hers are perky, mine are round and sunburned.) And she is Zilla girl number one in the upcoming movie, who can top thát.

    Plus I ain’t eating at anybodies house! :puke: Ever!

  20. [Comment ID #174042 will be quoted here]
    overheard later that day at the iron chef sicko deli counter: “since you bastards can’t seem to use it…gimme that thick slab of fucked-out, perverted, brain salad sandwich mystery meat pate. i’ll be eating out at annieb’s tonight but i’ll slather it on some buns and put it in her lunchbox tomorrow.” 😈

  21. One pint of drunkards’puke
    Handful of dingleberries
    three limp pork dicks
    6 large mountain oysters
    half-pint Old Panther Piss
    one-half cup blue-bottle maggots
    Servc pureed au gratin. :puke: :puke: :puke:

  22. [Comment ID #174026 will be quoted here]

    Tell the truth Astryd, when you see a really hot guy, you’re 16 again for just a few moments.

    :kiss:

  23. Dave, you can’t leave out Murphy’s Oil Soap. You can do almost anything with that stuff.

  24. Rabbid dog slobber
    Troll nutsack sweat
    Beaver teeth [crushed into chips]
    Bull snot [aged 12 years]

    Astryd
    Now that the blood has returned to my head [the one on my shoulders] I must say I dont know what you do for a living but I’m sure if you applied yourself you could make a fortune in the porn novel industry.

    Please let us know when your first publishing is released. Here is a possible title, ZILLA GIRLS {nothing is taboo to them}. Anyone have any other titles.

    Remember to change the names to protect the [LOL] inocent or get singed release forms.

  25. Rabbid dog slobber
    Troll nutsack sweat
    Beaver teeth [crushed into chips]
    Bull snot [aged 12 years

    Astryd
    Now that the blood has returned to my head [the one on my shoulders] I must say I dont know what you do for a living but If you applied yourself you could make a fortune in the porn novel industry. Please let us know when your first publishing is released, heres a possible title ZILLA GIRLS {nothing is taboo}. Anyone have any other title ideas.
    Remember to change the names to protect the [LOL] inocent or get singed release forms.
    Sorry if this is a double post the first one did’nt seem to go through.

  26. It all reminds me of mom’s specials:

    Buzzard Elbows & Chitlin’s A La King
    Baked BBQ’d Gorilla Ribs
    Monkey Toes & String Beans
    Steamed Hot Alligator Foots & Dumplings
    Roast Baboon Salad with Bubble Gum
    Cow Fingers and Mosquito Pie

  27. This is my third attempt at this post maybe changing a key word or two will help.

    Astryd
    Now that the blood has returned to my head [the one on my shoulders] I must say I dont know what you do for a living but if you applied yourself I’m sure you could make a fortune in the {mature} novel industry. Please let us know when your first book is released, a possible title- ZILLA GIRLS [nothing is out of the question]. Anyone have any other title ideas.

    Oh yeah
    Rabbid dog slobber
    Troll nutsack sweat
    Beaver teeth [crushed into chips]
    Bull snot [aged 12 years]

  28. [Comment ID #174068 will be quoted here]

    Thanks baby … Mmmm, wish you were here to reap the rewards of your poetic musings. 😈

  29. A 50ft. Jacko robot prowling Nevada’s deserts? Believe it or not, even that wouldn’t faze us Nevadans! We would most likely just roll our eyes and think “Well, looks like someone forgot to check the lock on the side gate at Area 51 again!”. This robot would have to be like a Transformer and have a nose that can change into different shapes. You’d more likely find it at Target or Mervyn’s where all little boy’s pants are 1/2 off… 😈

  30. Driver dear, I am DWI Compliance Officer/Bench Warrant Clerk at a Magistrate court.

    I’ve always loved to write/tell stories and my friends tell me I’m too horny for my own good. I’d love to finish this one but…how long is a novel? …I think I’ll start with a short story. That way it also allows for a quick…release afterward. Or during without missing out on too much. 😈

    The problem I’ve had is I can’t write without HAVING to stop for a break cuz I get myself all flustered that my characters aren’t the only ones with wet panties, heavy panting and throbbing…well, you get the picture. I’m still very pleased that you are enjoying it.

    There is another site that I saw recently with erotica but I can’t remember where. I read the story, hotels, sex with strangers, love triangles, puking 😆 (strange way to remember erotica) … Something about a kitty, not in the story but the site… If you know who you are, I like your material and I hope you write more. …maybe flirty kitty..something?

    When I get my place and other main things in order maybe I’ll start posting it in my journal in my hi5 site…yeah that sounds like a plan. I’ll let you all know when I begin.

  31. [Comment ID #174091 will be quoted here]
    Well it’s lunchtime here south of the border, so, no actually. 😛

    And I’d like to see the Iron Chef cook with a heaping helping of Reality Check.

  32. [Comment ID #174088 will be quoted here]
    as my old english prof used to say to us “that’s not news, that’s REALITY!” he screwed one of his students (friend of mine in my class. 15 years his junior) and his wife divorced him as a result. we never came up with a saying to smartly negate that shit away for him. CHECK please! would have worked just fine.

  33. [Comment ID #174105 will be quoted here]

    Sorry Spud. I couldn’t see the relevance to Dave’s post. Now I do thanks to JM.

    Hey JM was this dalliance with a guy or a gal? Sad to say I’m not up on the skinny regarding these matters. (Thank God)

    What is everyone doing at just this second? I’m reminiscing about what a great life I’ve had and how many fantastic memories I have. And then I think … is that fucking all there is? I’m ok but then I listen to the fucking news and JFC, I’m just sick with what’s happening in this world. Okay Dave … time for that “priestly” thing you’ve been working on. Show us what you’ve got.

  34. Okay my friends … I think I owe you an explanation. I’ve always been a smartass (I’m 30 in July) but then I met the love of my life. The years I spoke of earlier referred to him. Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death and I am getting hammered tonight. See, I reverted back to my old ways after his death, (Hence why I’m such a jerk here.) His song to me was Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton. He made me feel wonderful with every breath I took. Why I haven’t slit my throat is a mystery to me. I guess the “survival instinct” takes over. Well, good night and hope to see you tomorrow.

  35. AnnieB

    You owe us nothing – you are who you are and we love you for it. You’re a pleasure to have around and you fit right in with this crowd. Scary thought, isn’t it?

    I’m sorry to hear about your loss; I had the same thing happen to me almost 2 years ago. I still remember getting that phone call and I still break down when I think about it – like right now. Hold on to your memories and cherish them, but try to remember that there is still an absolutely amazing world out there that you’ve got to take part in and make the most of.

    Turning 30 will be fantastic. Since I’ve turned 30, I’ve graduated from university, met my natural mother, started my own part-time business, met and lost the love of my life, and so much more – good and bad.

    AnnieB, it can drive you crazy trying to make sense of this world and trying to apply reason to unreasonable acts. You’ve experienced the highs and lows that life has to offer and you also know the impact that those moments have on others. Aim for the highs but acknowledge and come to terms with the lows as well.

    Celebrate your birthday and celebrate your life. We love you lots and are sending big hugs your way.

  36. [Comment ID #174145 will be quoted here]

    I’m so sorry to hear about that. I can’t say that I’ve ever had to deal with that, but I’m sure it must be hard. Bad things can happen, but so can love. I just finished writing a play about trying to find love and not finding it right away and I’m reminded of this line: “Have hope. And make no regrets.”
    If you stick through it, you’ll be okay. Live on and love, girl!

  37. It used to be on the bottom of the page listed under random links but I haven’t seen it there recently. It’s not flirtykitty.com though, I checked. Flirtykitty.com is a lingerie boutique…

    AnnieB hang in there girl. Things all have a way to come around. We all love you and do enjoy having you here with us. BTW how is your ?sister?

  38. [Comment ID #174203 will be quoted here]

    Hey Meagan, you’ll definitely want to check out the second link that Astryd provided. The OE Nymph gives great blog. I like the new avatar by the way, but don’t you think the camera was aimed a little high for this crowd?

  39. [Comment ID #174145 will be quoted here]

    Who and what we are is shaped by our experiences, both wonderfull and terrible, and how we react to them. The fact you survived such an awful experience and are still around says alot about you. Hang in there, kid. Having you around here makes this site ust that much more enjoyable…

    That being said, I’ll end this post with “Smartasses of the world, UNITE! There’s safety in numbers!” 8)

  40. [Comment ID #174251 will be quoted here]

    Hey Dave,

    Can I put in a special request??? Puh-leeeezzze!!

Comments are closed.