Imponderables

How come olive oil can be extra virgin, but people can’t? Follow my logic here. There’s your garden variety virgins, people who simply have not had sex.

Then there would be the extra virgins, those who willfully avoid it, or are so repugnant that no one will be caught dead sleeping with them. Carrot Top, for example.

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19 Replies to “Imponderables”

  1. Only two types? What about the horny virgins who want to lose it but haven’t gotten any yet? And don’t forget those people who haven’t had it in so long that they’re getting their virginity back.

  2. I’ve been looking for the extra virgins. What isle are they on? Are they anywhere near the Double stuffed Oreos? Sausage section? Are they allowed to eat a peach? At check out should I be double bagged?

  3. [Comment ID #84827 will be quoted here]

    They are located in between the head cheese and the ladyfingers.

  4. I do believe that the caption dude from the previous post would definitely fall under the extra virgin category.

  5. okay–just for the record–that bride scares the sh-t out of me! I had a friend who freaked out the hour prior to her wedding and was screaming and crying about how crappy her hair looked, but she let me redo it for her (thank god) and the disaster was averted.

    Now for another question: who is the poor bastard that is married to the screaming harpy in that video? Pray for his soul!

  6. Maybe, if God has a sense of humor (and He must — just look at me), suicide bombers end up in heaven with 14 bottles of olive oil (not Olive Oyl, who was also virginal).

    😈

  7. OK, now I’m not sure I’m getting the difference between those who “…simply have not had sex.” and “…those who willfully avoid it.” Assuming one is not Carrot Top, and one is “of age”, I wonder how one could “simply not have had sex” without willfully avoiding it.

    Mandy, Nikki – Help me out here.

  8. One would suppose that the difference between a virgin and an extra virgin is that, although neither of them has ever gone all the way, the extra virgin has never even had her olives pressed. (not even at her high school prom)

  9. Regarding the pre-wedding “jitters” video, I’m NEVER voting for a woman for president. EVER.

  10. Oh, why not, Big WAve Dave? Life might be mor
    interesting with Hillary sitting in the Oval
    Orifice. 🙄 😕 👿 💡 :wtf:

  11. I think the extra virgins are the people that have a heart attack when the see a PG movie that shows boys with only pants on or girls going swimming.

  12. More food for thought (definitions courtesy wikipedia)

    Extra-virgin olive oil comes from the first pressing of the olives, and is judged to have a superior taste.

    Virgin olive oil is judged to have a good taste.

    Olive oil is a blend of virgin oil and refined virgin oil. It commonly lacks a strong flavor.

    :wtf:

  13. I can’t believe no one commented on the bizarre royal blue deviled eggs with the hot pink filling.

    You really have to TRY to freak someone out by serving something like that. My next bring-a-dish “pot luck” is going to be frightening, methinks.

    😈 :wtf:

  14. If ‘virgin’ in ‘extra virgin olive oil’, or EVO, as Rachel Ray puts it, means ‘pure’ or contains the ‘unsullied essence’, then using ‘virgin’ to describe states of chastity might go:
    o Virgin – never had intercourse or other sexual contact (no possible exposure to pregnancy *or* STDs).
    o Extra Virgin – never exposed to, nor interested in, any depiction or description of sexual relations, nor any sexual organs in use or revealed. As told by her father.
    o Weasel – Ploy of avoiding actual heterosexual reproductive intercourse, or at least no measurable penetration. Ploy is meant to carry out sexual relations whilst dancing on technicalities of avoidance. Note this ploy is only marginally successful in maintaining primary relationships, or avoiding unwanted pregnancy or STD’s. Ask Bill and Hillary about this, or Ted Kennedy or their dates.
    o chaste – no plans of sexual relations in the foreseable future, and none within recent memory (greater than 47 hours).

    Note that a virgin is likely aware of hormone surges (physical manifestations of ‘desire’), extra-virgin is either not aware of what the surges mean, or never aware of them. The Weasel experiences a lively sexual lifestyle.

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