Davezilla’s Dictionary #528

Apecurious: [APE-ih-KYUR-ee-us] Noun
One who considers himself a gourmand, but is in fact utterly devoid of basic table etiquette.

Bistrough: [BEESE-troff] Noun
An overpriced, overrated, trendy restaurant with food not suitable for most scavenging mammals.

Dipster:* [DIP-stir] Noun
A poseur hipster.

Faute Cuisine:* [FOTE-kwee-zine] Noun
The food served at a Bistrough; beautifully presented, yet completely inedible.

Lipster: [LIP-stir] Noun
One who talks the hipster talk, yet remains unproven to his colleagues.

New Yorkies: [NU York-eez] Noun
Wealthy New York apartment widows possessing one or more pint-sized yippy dogs.

Queue Vulture: [Q-VUHL-chur] Noun
Any of a number of predatory scavengers that patrol subways, parking lots and ticket lines looking for the opportune moment to strike upon unwitting victims (i.e., the elderly or handicapped) in an effort to secure their rightful place at the forefront of the line.

Sherection:* [SHE-rek-shun] Noun
Female erection or arousal; a juicy; the thigh sweats.

Skanktacular:* [SKANK-tack-YOO-luhr] Adjective
An über-ho; tackier than the normal ho by nature of her inability to accessorize. One that inspires laughter rather than lust.

Slutffet: [SLUH-fay] Noun
A bar brimming with skanktacular women, many of whom have full-on sherections.

Tramputante: [TRAMP-yoo-tahnt] Noun
An aging debutante trying desperately to feel young by injection; i.e., by sleeping with her tennis pro.

14 Replies to “Davezilla’s Dictionary #528”

  1. A painfully shy and awkward teenager, David Tidmarsh blushed during the final round of the National Spelling Bee competition, as he politely asked “Skanktacular. Could you use that in a sentence please?”

  2. The judge was nonpulsed, as he calmly replied:

    “After barely picking at the faute cuisine served for lunch at the bistrough du jour favored by her New Yorkie friends,
    and dealing with the drama of the snide remarks from the dipster maitre de and the lipster waiter, who were both commenting on the apecurian behavior of her lunch companion (her 24-year old tennis pro named Biff),
    the tramputante decided that late afternoon cocktails were in order, and suddenly became a harpish queue vulture, as she bitched about and then snatched a spot in line for happy hour at one of her old favorite watering holes,
    which unbeknownst to her, had taked a turn for the worse, and was now attempting to turn a profit as a slutffet, serving half-priced
    cosmopolitans to the skanktacular crowd, who arrived early, to enjoy 2 for 1 libations and wallow in their alcohol induced sherections,
    before the male strip review took center stage, later in the evening.”

  3. Still stalling for time, and trying not faint again, David wiped his brow and shuffled his feet before he asked:

    “Can you please provide the etymology for the word … SKANK – tack – YOO – luhr?”

    He articulated each syllable knowingly, thus dismaying his opponents, who knew that David was merely toying with them and prolonging their agony instead of spelling the word and moving on.

  4. Attempting to hide his impatience, the judge calmy replied:

    “Derived from the Latin phrase: spectaculum semeninis skanktaculurum.”

  5. The crowd was whispering with baited excitement, as the timer clock ticked down to the final seconds. David then smiled with pride as he firmly stated:

    “Skanktacular.
    S-k-a-n-k-t-a-c-u-l-a-r.
    Skanktacular.”

    The audience erupted with a loud ovation, David bowed slightly, ackowledging their approval, and then headed back to his seat.

  6. The world would be a better place if only Scripps used Davezilla’s Dictionary for the National Spelling Bee championship.

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