Why I hate local news coverage, II

To call a local news anchor a skilled reporter is like calling a Pekinese one of the World’s deadliest predators. Here are some of the statements that made me want to take an acetylene torch to my television.

We have everything you need for the Olympics
Aside from providing a channel, what are you giving me? Free tickets to Italy? A training coach? A weeks’ worth of beer and pretzels?

There could be another terrorist attack on US soil
As if the terrorists hate our dirt.

This medal ends a 30-year curse on the American team
Curse? What curse? Have witches been in the locker rooms at night, furiously rubbing skates with henbane and baby fat? I prefer the term, “poor athleticism”, but I’m picky that way.

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  1. Sounds about as good as ours here in San Antonio.

    With regards to the big yearly rodeo here, the news feels the need to report on the dirt they cover the floor with. As they’re closing, the reporter sticks this gem in: “It’s the same dirt from last year. Workers picked up the dirt and cared for it all year.”

    I’m wondering now, just how hard is it to care for dirt all year, and is it in such demand that we really need to recycle it?


  2. See I told you that white rappers are gay…look what happened to eminem’s cousin..Marty.

  3. I truely dont see why everyone must try to be somthing they are not and will never be… heck he probably lives in Mississippi or kentucky :wtf:

  4. Master Solace

    :wtf: Where in the hell do you find these fucking rejects!?! And I’m pretty sure that, no matter what, those bitches still don’t wanna know about his dick!!!

    And as for local news reports, here in Indiana, they fare better than the meteorologists. Right now the extended forecast in my city has a better chance of staying at level than Joan Rivers has for laying off the drugs.

  5. Master Solace

    or a Pekinese has for becoming the World’s Deadliest Predator…or Michael Moore being anything more than just a geek with a video camera…or Martha Stewart making THE DONALD flinch…or The Price is Right not to be rigged(oopsy, that was a little low)…or Spongebob to quit drinking heavily and forgetting to “wet”himself before going out…or great director Kevin Smith getting an Oscar for Best Actor…or for Paris Hilton to realize that The Ho Jo is not a sublet of her future inheritance(Ho Jo=Howard Johnson for those who don’t know)…or for President Dubya to ever do anything intelligent, anything at all…or for Dick Cheney to take his BUDDY George out hunting(I’m huntin’ for assholes, huhuhuhuh)…or for the Drive-thru clerk to grab one of the cooks to translate the foreign language that is coming out of my mouth…

    (Side Note: Why is it that when you go to a McDonald’s, all(or almost all) of the cooks are Hispanic, but when you go to a Taco Bell, not a single one of those fuckers is Mexican? Their old slogan used to be “Go South of the Border”, should you have someone who knows how to get there on your staff? Just wondering. πŸ˜€ )

    …or….or…..or……or…….or……..I think I may have run out of them, sad end I must say…maybe later!!!

  6. Master Solace

    And by staff, I mean Payroll.

  7. mitch

    If I hear one more time “We’re covering the news you want to hear!”….no you’re not. I want to hear news of Paris Hilton’s new nude cheeseburger ad, or of the impeachment of George Bush, or of the legalization of marijuana. That’s the news I want to hear, not what some prick on city council had to say about dogs shitting in the new park.

  8. Aevyta

    Not really news coverage, but our local anchorwoman has a serious speech impediment. Not in a “oh, she’s special, isn’t it great that she’s trying” way- more of “What an idiot, if she messes up saying her own name one more time….” I thought anchorpeople went to school to learn how to speak clearly and enunciate their words with “non regional diction.” Dammit! I hate living out in the boondocks ❓

  9. Bjorn Freeh

    What’s a news anchor? I get all the news I need from Davezilla.

  10. MandyLocke

    I’m getting :puke: of announcers saying “if you don’t want to hear the results, turn your head”. Then what? Cough? :limp:

  11. subgypsy

    [Comment ID #25229 will be quoted here]

    OMG…Master Solace is in Indiana…..giggle….me too…..giggle……

    LOL at the weatherman…my local news yesterday AM indicating a HUGE story at the end of the broadcast, and I waited and waited, only to find out the friggin weatherman impregnated his wife…..I can’t believe I had to speed to work b/c I had to know THAT…. :puke:

    mmmmmmIndiana Master Solace………. 😈

  12. |nsan|ty

    😐 The media is the real government, cant you see the resemblance? Cuz you can bet your ass, had I or any one of you shot that lawyer while ‘bird hunting’ on a private ranch, our asses would STILL be sitting in jail. And the ‘bitches dont know bout his dick, cuz he probably doesnt have one :wtf: :limp:

  13. laceylegacey

    First of all Solace you are my hero
    second people like that stupid idiot should be beaten repeatedly. πŸ‘Ώ

  14. Peaches

    Master Solace……….you’re still the master!!

    Happy Tortilla Day all you McDonalds staff!!!

  15. Ron

    MAster Solaces comment about Taco Bell reminded me of a joke. Why does Mexico not have a summer Olympic team? Because all the ones that can run, jump, or swim are already over here. πŸ˜†

  16. Ron

    The only reason I watch the local news is because the anchorwoman has a great set of :boob: :boob:

  17. oh, that’s nothing. I was watching the Olympics the other night and someone said: “They shouldn’t feel bad. They weren’t beat bad by [insert country name here].”

  18. tenderflower

    Bitches don’t know about my dick because I’m a dork.

    OUR local news achor is partially deaf. How far into the boondocks does that put me?

  19. Burnsy

    Im from the southernmost tip of Indiana. . . so im not even going to get started on our newsteam. . .

    And the “Bitches don’t know about my dick” guy, I just cant believe he is single. What lovely lady would pass on the chance to snatch that fine ass up. And yes that was dripping with sarcasm. . .

    I bet he designed that shirt himself. . .

  20. Esther

    Our “local” newscasters are actually surgically-enhanced pod people. I’m just waiting for the day where one of them bursts out of its human shell, and starts complaining about the food.

  21. Bubbles

    God forbid it actually rain once in awhile here in san Diego… The news anchors turn to the meterologist and say, “Gee, when are we gonna get some relief from this rain?” Or even, “When do we get to see some sun?” The answer is and will always be “In a few minutes.”

  22. starbugmama

    He’s right the bitches really don’t know about his dick because they don’t want to know. Notice he took the pic of himself in the mirror and didn’t even bother trying to hide the camera. I bet he signs on under different screen names to leave commets on his own page!

  23. Peaches

    I still like the one about the weather man that had missed a forcast of snow, and the anchor woman said to him, “So, wheres the 8 inches you promised me last night?’

  24. Logan

    [Comment ID #25236 will be quoted here]

    a news reporter is someone whotels every on what is going on in their part of the world like news chanell 10 in texas unless you have cable then its on channel 12 but texas sucks different subject so nikky you single 😈

  25. Tara

    Has “Freeeeeeeeelance”‘s balls even dropped yet? Look at that baby face! Holy Prime Maryland Virgin, Batman! :wtf:

  26. family jules

    I love the local weatherman yesterday who predicted partly cloudy with a 50% chance of precipitation…….meaning that pretty much anything can happen! Did he use the Magic 8 ball or something? I coulda done THAT! They go to school for this? πŸ™„

    But the best was when our local anchor had to hold a dog to promote shelter adoptions, and he looked like he hated animals and wanted a pair of tongs to hold him with! Poor pooch is probably still at the shelter, waiting for someone to overlook the pained face of the anchor and give him a chance! ❓

  27. Steppenwolf

    It’s a small world after all. I live in southern Indiana too…only a few blocks from the Ohio River.
    I have to admit I like our local anchor people pretty much. I’m a loser baby so why don’t you shoot me? :dead:

  28. Master Solace

    [Comment ID #25238 will be quoted here]

    what part of Indiana are you, my gypsy lady!?! Just curious! 😈

  29. Master Solace

    [Comment ID #25240 will be quoted here]

    Damn, now I got the sniffles…I’ve never been anyone’s hero…well outside the Pro-Wrestling ring anyway

  30. Darrell

    Someone please please please tell Freeeeeeeeelance NOT to have children “someday.”

  31. Marcus

    We all know that weathermen are dumb as toast so are sportcasters. Here are some examples.

    The car in front is definitely in the lead.
    With half the race gone there is still half to go.
    We are now on the 73rd lap and the next one will be the 74th.
    The lead car is absolutely unique except for the car behind it, which is identical.

    Read the next one carefully.

    Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off. It’s rolling all the way back to second base! This is a terrible thing for the Padres!

    All of these quotes come from a book that I purchased quickly because everyone was staring at me laughing so hard. “Lexicon of Stupidity” is the book.

    Whiggers annoy me, and I have known so many. Now why don’t you just take out your fucking dick , show every woman on the street how tiny it is, get arrested for indecent exposure, and burn the fucking shirt. πŸ‘Ώ

  32. Master Solace

    and talking about news anchors…I do watch the WISH-TV CBS local news from Indianapolis(As local to Columbus as I can get), and I think I may know where they get term News Anchor. Since for as long as I can remember, the top news guy was Mike Ahern…we will call him the captain. The Captain was very good at his news delivering abilities. I actually believed must of the stuff that came out of his mouth. The last year he decided to retire. After that, the ship(WISH-TV) started to sink because of all of the NEWS ANCHORS weighing it down…get news ANCHORs…lame I know, but when it’s true than it can’t be fabricated…wait…that’s how we get the news, isn’t it…

    please don’t hate me because of the lameness of the “play of words” joke found in this post, I have yet to fully weed through the fact that one of the members of my following lives in the SAME state as I do…please forgive me, my adoring fans

  33. laceylegacey

    [Comment ID #25322 will be quoted here]Just so you know Solace my husband is getting jealous of you. First because I laugh so hard at your comments and two because his screen name and gamer tag is Solace. You worry him, so you may have to break out the wrestling costume soon.

    😈 😳

  34. laceylegacey

    [Comment ID #25322 will be quoted here]Just so you know Solace my husband is getting jealous of you. First because I laugh so hard at your comments and two because his screen name and gamer tag is Solace. You worry him, so you may have to break out the wrestling costume soon.

    😈 😳

  35. Steppenwolf

    I think I’m gonna’ :puke:

  36. Duker

    I think Masterbater, Looselegs and Cuntgyped should, like, GET A ROOM!!! Shirt should read “Bitch’s can’t find no dick”!!!

  37. cbatdux

    The Price is Right is RIGGED? Aw shit! πŸ™

  38. cbatdux

    BTW, I’m not from Indiana. Does that mean I have to leave now?

  39. cbatdux

    Duker, maybe lacey and solace should get a room….

  40. Duker

    :boob: :boob: :undies: πŸ˜› :wang: πŸ˜› ❓ :wtf: :limp:

  41. tinamarie

    [Comment ID #25351 will be quoted here]

    Solace, my dad used to use the word Ahern when he was trying to clean up his language in front of us kiddies. Not to dis your Captain, but I thought it was a very interesting concept.

    And now back to the Aherns in my own life…

  42. |nsan|ty

    [Comment ID #25268 will be quoted here]
    That would be a woman named Trish O’shea, from 9&10 News, (shes long gone since Cheech exposed her…..)from *cough* Northern Michigan….yes, I live in where the term BFE originated, where the men are men and the sheep are nervous…..

  43. haha – yes it IS me, someone sent me a message saying “your shirt got link of the day! i bet youll have tons of page views now!”
    is the shirt retarted? yes lol – my friends made a song that included that lyric so i wore it to a party one night…..it is far from serious haha
    its also funny that you go out of your way to end up @ my myspace…which only includes friends that i KNOW (and i believe one hip-hop producer whom recently passed), and then it is commented negatively by everyone here
    it isnt that serious you guys, especially to people who dont know me or the song and shit? do i dress urban? hell yes but i act far from it honestly, its just what im comfortable in
    i dont know, i really have no need to defend myself it just surprises me that you took time out of your day to explore peoples myspaces you dont know, and then give me lots of free exposure
    next post of the day or w/e: http://www.fullforceent.com

  44. And as far as you guys taking the shirt seriously and finding it necessary to make comments about my sex life and shit
    1) who here knows me? you guys are so quick to judge and then make fun of others based on complete assumptions
    personally – ive just ended a 3 year relationship, and the shirt wasnt the cause
    and i am 17, soon to be 18, live in maryland
    and tend on being a virgin until marriage
    so there ya have it haha
    p.s. there are a ton of white rappers who arent worried about being mainstream or doing it for females, money, radio play, or any of that shit. its far from a want to be black, but a form of, for me, cheap therapy
    so say what you will but im far from even influenced by eminem, id say listen to some atmosphere or eyedea first

  45. Master Solace

    hey lacey, don’t let your husband worry too much, I only beat the hell out of jackasses…like our new found pal, Duker.

    And you Mr. Duker, I have no problem with finding you and making feel like a little school-girl, because when I would be done with you, that’s exactly how you’re gonna sound. Got a problem with some of the comments from my following, then you do, but please don’t piss me off. My disdain for morons is the reason I don’t wrestle as much as I’d like to anymore. I’m not calling you a moron, just so you know and don’t take that personally. I just want you to remember one thing, in the ring I wear a black mask, so no one will see my face, no one!

  46. Master Solace

    [Comment ID #25357 will be quoted here]

    no it doesn’t mean that, all of the Indiana stuff is probably just mere coincidence. trust me, living in columbus, in is probably the closest i’m gonna get to seeing hell before i die(i think that’s why it’s so great to me, my mind is trying to get used to the feeling)

  47. Master Solace

    and lacey, one more thing, ask your husband how he came up with the moniker Solace for his screen name and gaming tag…

    BTW, did you mean that I would have to break out the wrestling costume because he would come and “try” to beat me up? This is a message for him. In the wrestling business, there is nothing I haven’t tried(within reason)to give the crowd a great show, there isn’t much more that can really hurt me now, and I would want you husband to hurt himself, no offense…to you or him. my wrestling partner chris says hitting me is like hitting a cement-brick wall…no give AND you see stars

  48. [Comment ID #25371 will be quoted here]

    mr. duker? haha – youre awesome – ill def start reading your rants – just thought it was pathetic that i was found (with me not being a myspace whore n all) and then ridiculed (rather poorly) by people who immediately judged me without knowing the kind of hip-hop i enjoy and assume i always wear fitted hats and big shirts and shit based off one picture that was meant to be funny…..
    aite well yea im done – thanks for the page hits i guess? lol i could care less about myspace i was actucally suprised when the girl who messaged me said “your page hits will go through the roof!” like that makes me an ultimate myspacer haha

  49. I only beat the hell out of jackassesÒ€¦like our new found pal, Duker.

    Keep threatening readers on my site and you’re blocked, Solace. What it is this? High School? Grow the fuck up. πŸ‘Ώ

    BTW, “new found” Duker has been a commenter here a lot longer than you.

  50. its also funny that you go out of your way to end up @ my myspaceÒ€¦which only includes friends that i KNOW

    I find everything, dude. I make no judgement calls on my links. I just report em. :mrgreen:

  51. Master Solace

    No problem, boss, no problem at all

  52. Master Solace

    i get carried away sometimes, if ya haven’t figured that out. and as for growing up…i’m trying, but it always seems to fail. i am this way to make sure that i will always stay unique. I also know when I’ve gone too far, and for all that it’s worth, i’m sorry…and as well for you Duker, I don’t really know what’s come over me lately, I just fly off the handle too easy. please understand, i mean no harm, i went off at a most inappropiate time.

  53. Duker

    [Comment ID #25358 will be quoted here]Solace, I’m just glad that someone got my attempt at humour with my creative interpretation of user names, whether they found it funny, offensive, or whatever?!!!


  54. Master Solace

    [Comment ID #25700 will be quoted here]

    Well, like I said, I am sorry. There are a lot of things clouding my rational thought right now. I’m trying to clear it away, and a lot of innocent people have felt more than just my wrath, and I hate doing it…but it happens without me trying to. I see the humor in it, and I definitely feel bad about losing myself on it all. I hope you understand, you and everyone else involved. There are somethings that happen that sometimes you regret, and lately I’m finding that out the hard way. Please understand.

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