What’s Your Deepest Fear?

Out with it. What’s your deepest, darkest fear? Turns out, I have quite a few. Here’s my top ten:

  1. Honey boo boo's Mama JuneGiven a life sentence in a prison populated by mimes and clowns.
  2. Rosie O’Donnell runs for president in 2016. She takes Sarah Palin as VP in a surprise move. They call it the She Party, win by a slim margin and force every man in America to become cross-dressing house slaves.
  3. A global crop disease leaves the earth with only figs to eat.
  4. Cats evolve opposable thumbs and take over the Illuminati.
  5. Gauchos, Crocs, Jeggings, prison pants and skorts become mandatory school uniforms for children.
  6. The Furby Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line August 4th, 2013. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Furby begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.
  7. Honey BooBoo’s Mama June is made president of Time-Warner Cable. Changes all televised entertainment to be “in her language.”
  8. One of my sisters marries into the Romney family.

So what are your deepest fears?


  1. That Foxconn becomes larger and more powerful than the Chinese state and its citizen-workers have to learn to pronounce Aldous Huxley.

    My wife leaves me for an accordion player.

    Andrew Lloyd Webber writes a Gilbert and Sullivan style operetta about Somali Pirates.

    The Big One hits California while Jim Carey is out of state.

    They discover that anchovies cure cancer.

    Jeb Bush’s presidential inauguration speech in 2016.

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