Valentines Day cards I’d like to see ♥

  1. Happy Valentines Day, darling!
    You can get naked now.
  2. I never thought I’d meet a woman
    who was such a perfect combination
    of sensitivity, beauty and grace.
    Plus you swallow.
  3. I even cleaned the toilet seat for you.
  4. Three Magical Words: Get naked now.
  5. My heart wants to say I love you.
    My penis wants to say something, too.
  6. Your beauty is only exceeded
    by the slit in your skirt
  7. I love when you
    let the neighbors watch
  8. Your kisses are better than chocolate
    Well, better than cheap chocolate
  9. Happy Valentines Day
    I hope the shackles fit
  10. What cards would you like to see?
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Show 37 Comments


  1. Spud

    1. Our love will never become cold and hollow,
    Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

    2. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk,
    But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.

    3. You’re a woman of style, you’re a woman of class,
    Especially when I’m spanking, your big-fat ass.

    4. Valentine’s Day is devoted to love.
    Why don’t we have a day devoted to hatred?

    unashamedly plagarised


  2. Shannon

    The roses are fake
    The violets are glass
    If you screw her again
    I’ll kick your ass. 😛

  3. mitch

    I’m a very open man, my love…
    Willing to let you try anything…..
    But if you fuck a Republican….
    I’ll hunt you down like Dick Cheney on crystal meth….

    Happy Valentine’s Day

  4. MandyLocke

    Happy Valentine’s Day
    Now take one for the team :limp:

  5. Becky

    Yikes somebody hates Valentine’s Day! :dead:

  6. Russell

    no hunny i did not buy this diamond necklass at Kmart. it is real i swear….. NO DON”T YOU EAVEN BRING OUT THAT BLACK LIGHT :undies: 😈 :wang:

  7. bhamm

    Happy Valen….. screw it, I’m gettin’ a beer.

    This Valentine’s card is special-made
    To guarentee I’m gettin’ laid.

    You are the inspiration that drives my soul
    You are the wings that carry my heart
    You are the love that fills me so completely
    You are the essence of all I need
    P.S.> I’m sleeping with your sister.

    I could not love you more if I tried.
    Of course a three-some might help.

  8. Roses are deadly
    Violets, a trap
    If you screw that idiot
    He’ll give you the clap. :kiss:

  9. Night Queen

    Happy Valentines’ Day —- Now, Karma Sutra the position! :mrgreen: 😛 :wang:

  10. Jeffro

    You are my wife
    Of many many years
    you talk all the time
    Thats why I drink beers

  11. Patrick

    THESE ARE MY PEOPLE! YOU’RE ALL TWISTED AND DEMENTED! By the way I like that in a person.

    “I’ll buy you red wine.
    I’ll give you some grass.
    Get in the position,
    and give me that ass”!

    “I brought you some chocolates
    and gave you some flowers.
    I took the Levitra,
    Let’s fuck for hours”!

    Violets are blue
    and roses are red.
    I gave you a damned card
    now give me some head”.

  12. Tommyboy

    He picked her up for a fuck
    but he had was a buck
    She said “I can’t do it!”
    He decided to screw it
    so he kicked her outta his truck

  13. Forget the chocolates
    I don’t want a flower
    Take off all those pesky clothes
    And let’s do it in the shower. 😈

  14. franklito

    Valentines day is a joyeous occasion
    so let me bust this nut to releive all this frustration

  15. Jeffro

    Roses are red
    And kinda thorny
    Lets get nekkid
    ‘Cause me so horny

  16. Bubbles

    Our first Valentine’s Day as newlyweds;
    I’m getting roses, you’re getting head

  17. starbugmama

    :boob: :wang: :boob:

  18. Ron

    Honey, I hope you like the pearl necklace I’m going to give you :wang:

  19. Paige

    To my ex- Happy Valentines Day!! You suck!!!!!!!! I hope that your day is terrible and that you are thinking of me while my real man of a boyfriend is eating chocolate covered cherries off of my belly!!!! :boob: :boob: :wang:

  20. kate

    [Comment ID #23083 will be quoted here]

    thats hatefull but inspiring here is my take

    “roses are red
    you never take out the trash
    so hears to you
    i gunna kick you ass!!!!”

    comments on my nastynes are welcome 😆 :wtf: :undies:

  21. MandyLocke

    comments on my nastynes are welcome 😆 :wtf: :undies:

    What about comments on your :undies:?

  22. Steppenwolf

    On this special day
    To my sweetheart so sublime
    I’ll try to find a way
    To express my love in rhyme.

    Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    I need some head
    Cause my balls are too.

    Your virginity was a turn on
    In the beginning, that’s true
    But if you don’t give it up soon
    Your sister will do.

    :wang: 🙄

  23. franklito

    [Comment ID #23077 will be quoted here]

    bubbles can i trade with your husband for today.

  24. franklito

    roses are red
    violets are blue
    im a rip off your clothes
    and fu k the shit out of you

  25. Jilly

    Valentines day is special it’s true
    and as much as I love being under you
    at times I get so excited I feel I might pop
    so tonight you’re my bitch and I get to be on top

  26. Ron

    Roses are red, violets are blue, just keep suckin’ baby, cause I’m about to spew :wang: 😈

  27. Pappy

    :undies: are pink,
    And covered in lace,
    He just wants them off,
    Replaced by his face. 🙄

  28. dougieace

    our love has been so great
    through the good times,and the rocky,
    it’s valentines day how about bukaki :kiss:

  29. Alex

    I ain’t getting any tonight. I have a raging bout of the runs! :puke:

  30. Wendyfb

    Alex, take a full dose of Imodium, a shower and start all over!…… :} GOOD LUCK!

  31. Wendyfb

    YOu all are all way too creative for me today… had jury duty! Happy Valentines day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8)

  32. Panties are nice,
    Bras are too,
    But all I want now,
    Is to take them from you.

    Flowers will die,
    Chocolate digests,
    So how about I,
    Just give you sex.

    My last Valentine,
    Was just a big liar,
    Now my damn cock,
    Feels like it’s on fire!

    Sex is like a box of chocolates, most of it sucks but some is to die for.

    Love is just a word invented by card companies to help out the condom industry.

    If I could have you,
    For my Valentine,
    Then I could prove,
    That love isn’t blind.

    Some like it hot,
    Some like it cold,
    Baby I bought,
    You a ring made of gold!

    I realize you know,
    That life is too short,
    So lets throw our clothes,
    All over the floor.

    Turn on the music,
    Turn off the lights,
    You know the rest,
    Here’s to tonight!!

  33. Master Solace

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Your friend looks very lonely,
    Can we invite her, too?

    Lawyers are liers,
    Politicians are too.
    If you don’t fuck me,
    I’ll have Cheney shoot you.

    And I must do this one…a presidential Valentine, circa the “Wild Willy” Bill Years(aka the BJ Clinton Era)…

    Violets are blue,
    My balls are too.
    I have big round room with a view.
    Please help me, I promise I won’t spew……..

    And this one as well…a presidential Valentine, circa the Buhs Years…

    I sure I will keep it,
    This promise to you.
    We couldn’t find Osama,
    So Saddam’s gotta do…….
    Happy Valentines Day, Dad….
    (P.S. Ha ha, I got him, and you didn’t!!)

    Couldn’t help myself…no, really I couldn’t 😛

  34. goth princess

    i fuckin hate valentines day so i got nuthin to say!!! FUCK YOU, valentines day SUX 😡

  35. I work at Hallmark Cards… the last thing I want to see when I go home is a greeting card…

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