The best BBQ in history

If you could invite five people to a BBQ, from any period in history, (and language comprehension was not an issue) who would you invite? I’ll go first:

  1. Jesus. Most likely to say: “Did you try the fish? I apparated it this morning.”
  2. Shaka Zulu. Most likely to: Teach the neighbor kids how to gut an enemy with an antler.
  3. John Holmes. So I can make him feel small.
  4. Juan Valdez. Anyone who has access to that much coffee can’t be all bad.
  5. A true village idiot. Most likely to: Drool
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  1. I’d invite JFK but tell him to stay away from my girlfriend. Or, I would if I had a girlfriend.

    And if you’re inviting Shaka Zula, why not Chaka Khan? She is every woman, you know!

    Also, can’t forget Sir Elton John. I’d have him perform “Club at the End of the Street” with Nikki lying on the piano. 😛

    Oh, and Pink Floyd as well. And that guy from the “Scream Painting”. Most likely to say “WOULD YOU LIKE SOME CHEESE” then scream.

  2. Anna

    You should invite the George Baker Selection – they’ll bring their little green bag.
    You should invite the crew of the space shuttle – they’ll retile your bathroom while you work the bbq.
    You shouldn’t invite Arnold Schwarzenegger – he’ll keep cooming back.
    You shouldn’t invite George W. Bush either – he’ll invade and never leave.

  3. Tomas de Torquemada: Wearing amusing apron, tongs in hand, calling to his wife:

    Honey! I don’t think we’ve got enough food here for everybody. Could you defrost another couple of heretics?

  4. Nicholle

    I would have to have the likes of Jesus (of course), Elvis, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin, and Jimmy Hendrix (so what if I want a little entertainment at my BBQ?)
    If I invite Butt-Sketch too does that count as a person?

  5. Mandy

    Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp, Johnny Depp. I would have him cloned. :kiss:

  6. ReV.JeLLyBaBy

    As a caring, thoughtful, good looking, sexy, in demand, straight(HEY WE’RE A DYING BREED OK)….oh and did I mention modest male?

    I would invite the following people to my BBQ….

    1/Saddam H.


    Hey I love the moustache and the fact he looks like a gay G.I Joe.

    and he will eat………

    Bacon and Pork joints cooked in too much oil with a side order of Texas beef.

    2/ Ghandi


    Just because he looks a lot like Ben Kingsley.

    and he will eat…

    Lettuce………. despite his passive resistance.

    3/ A Fat Bloke


    Just because he’s fat aqnd I pity him.

    and he will eat…..

    Not much and probably go on and on about his diet and the pitfalls of over eating pie.

    4/ A six pack of lesbians


    I have my reasons

    and they will eat…..

    I have no idea……….but they certainly won’t eat meat.

    5/ Davezilla


    He could write about it tommorow.

    and he could eat….

    3 Lesbians out of six


  7. Fishy

    Angelina Jolie, Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connelly, Marilyn Monroe, and Cleopatra. Oh wait, did you say BBQ? I thought you said Orgy …

  8. Martha Stewart – menu planning, placecards, table centerpiece, cooking, stock tips..

    Steve Martin – He cracks me up.

    Jack Nicholson – just because he’s cool.

    Jesus – He’s eternal, he saved the world, and I think he’d really get a kick out of Steve and Jack.

    Eric Clapton – entertainment.

  9. CJ

    The obvious list is…..

    Rick James
    Ron Jeremy

  10. Mike

    Carrot Top

  11. CJ


    MIchael Jackson
    A cub Scout
    The tooth fairy
    Billy Bob THorton as Carl from SLingblade
    Lizzy Borden

  12. Let’s see:

    L.Ron Hubbard – I’d serve him up a plate of diuretics, and we’d all have a hearty laugh at his expense.

    The Rock – To beat the shit out of L.Ron., and convince Steve Jobs to give me a new G5.

    The guy who plays Sawyer on “LOST”, with a proviso that he walk around shirtless the entire time, then be my hot monkey love slave later on that evening.:twisted:

    Salma Hayek – We could totally become BFF, and riff on how much we hate J Ho. Plus, she’s just HAWT.

    Steve Jobs – To scare the crap out of L.Ron.

  13. Just a quick thanks for the “happy flash”…”Shaka Zulu” was just about my Dad’s favorite movie of all time. That, and “Das Boot”. And Dad was the coolest, and I miss him, and love anything that reminds me of him.

    I’d like Faulkner, Fitzgerald, and Hemingway, all in one place at the same time. Jesus again, and, I think, King David. Because he was *such* a screw-up, and still God’s fave. I wanna know how he swung that.

  14. William Shakespeare – to settle all those rumours that he was not really someone else.

    Boudica (Boadicea/Buduica/Boudicca etc.) – just to tell her that she really should have stuck to guerilla warfare rather than facing the Roman army head-on (on second thought, she would probably be really angry and bitter, so maybe that’s not such a good idea)

    Jesus – because I bet he was way cooler than people give him credit for, and he would be all, “dude, relax, I’ll wash your feet”, and then he would tell some good stories. Plus, we’d never run out of bread and wine.

  15. M & M

    it’s scary, someone is watching. I don’t care who is smegging on me. yanks have no right to impose their laws on another country.

  16. M & M

    had to scroll down far to far for this. you need to do a support of marc emory somehow….without the hoohaw
    well, candadians can hoohaw i guess
    but you can’t let the fuckers dictate what canada can do

  17. JFLY

    #1 O.J. Simpson – He’d carve up the steaks when
    no one was looking and then refuse to take
    credit for it…

    #2 Chicago’s Mrs. O’Leary (and her cow) – Most likely
    to get the grill lit…

    #3 Ron White – Guanranteed to bring the “tater

    #4 Arnold Schwarzenegger – Just to “pump up” the
    beer keg…

    #5 Hulk Hogan – To toss guests who’ve out-stayed
    their welcome over the backyard fence…

  18. tinamarie

    Mike, you have to tell me more about this “Satin Bush” thing you mentioned…it sounds good! Or did you mean SATAN? And if you are looking for Satan Bush, I know this girl down the street…oh…well…nevermind.

    As for my list:

    Thomas Aquinas
    Martin Luther King Jr.

    and all to have them argue with:
    Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie

    What FUN that would be!!!!!!:mrgreen:

  19. Warrior01

    George Bush: To congratulate him on a job well done and kick him in the nuts for all that happened after the job was done (occupation of Iraq)

    Sandra Bullock: Eye candy (and if I can swing it…a lot more than that!)

    Osama Bin Laden: To ask him if he really wants to be lsited along side the same folks who use the same political and media tactics as he – Hitler, Stalin…etc.

  20. Englingert

    The three women in the workd with the best asses!

  21. Englingert


    To Rust: Wonderful webpage – excellent Tribute. Your father would be proud.

  22. Cha Cha

    I’d definately invite Jesus, Chris Farley, George “W” Bush (So I that I could ridicule him), Mark Twain, and Nicole Kidman (simply because she’s a major betty!!!).

  23. jindun

    Sade-coolest chick on the face of the earth
    Dave Chapelle-funniest guy ever
    John Mayer-love him
    the ‘Bathing Ape’ guy
    Barefoot Contessa-someone needs to cook the damn bbq

  24. Steppenwolf

    1. Robert McClain
    2. Sir Lancelot…to kick his ass.
    3. Arthur and 4. Guinevere…to provide Menage a Trois entertainment with 2.
    5. Eric Idle…so he can find the Holy Grail.

  25. Spencer

    As far as women: Angelina Jolie, Kiera Knightley, Natalie Portman, Nicole Kidman, and Marilyn Monroe.

    As far as others:

    Jesus (he could tell us that one of us would betray him)
    George W. Bush (for comedic value as well as for the berating and ass-kicking he deserves)
    Arnold Schwartzenegger (to cook)
    Eva Braun (to find out what it was like living with a madman)
    John Kerry (to see him and Bush fight each other)

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