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My Asshole Cats
- …Refuse to chase their toys until I’m in 4th stage REM sleep.
- …Only get nauseous when the floor is clean. And only on the hardwood.
- …Are responsible for 99% of all poltergeist activity in the lower 48 states.
- …Inform me their claws need trimming when they are sitting on my crotch.
- …Allow my baby to pull their hair, slap them and bite their heads. If I so much as pet them too close to their tails, I lose a vital organ.
- …Love our cranky old Pug, but are plotting the slow, painful death of our gentle Italian Greyhound.
- …Want to decimate every wild bird outside, but have no interest killing indoor spiders.
- …Can pick locks with the skill of a hardened ex-con.
- …Shit next to their litter box.