Meet the Americans #1

Nick Spanozzi

Nick Spanozzi

Meet Nick Spanozzi. American. Five Second Rule for dropped pizza. Threw up on that first date. Oatmeal this morning. Bran, bran, bran. Loves the fiber. Swollen ankles after cutting the lawn. Those gutters will have to be cleaned. Chili dogs with onions. Papercut from the electric bill. Mustard stain on the good pair of Dockers. Jolly Ranchers stuck to the living room rug. Lost the boss’s bottle opener. Never did it with the lights on and no socks.

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  1. Mandy

    Oh this is so much hotter than Monday’s post. 😛

  2. TinaMarie


    Excuse me. I just threw up a little. 😕

  3. Mandy

    I mean, :boobs:days, er Tuesday. 😳

  4. Looks more like a Stu than a Nick. Maybe a Phil. 😐

  5. mikeB

    I bet he has bunions.

  6. Anna

    He actually looks alot like Mr. Rumbold – except for the missing elephantine ears. Anyone ever see that English tvseries called “Are you being served?”

    At least he’s not afraid to show his face 👿

  7. Keep this up and I may actually come up with something funny to say here!

  8. Lace Valentine

    Dear Diary,

    This morning I prayed the rosary with Mom and her seven Siamese cats before going to Piergrossi’s for lasagna and the goods on Frank.

    The hit’ll be tomorrow–they wanna use ballbats on kneecaps, make him feel a little painful sorry about his debts before giving him the walking tour like liverwurst through the meat grinder.

    So after lunch I went to the mall. I had to dodge the cops there so I sat in this photo booth and took this silly snap for Lisa Rose. This photo could end up on American Justice someday. I’ll finish off my day with an Italian ice and talk with my bookie.

    I’m betting on Carbuncle. Seven to one. He better win by a nose.

  9. Spud

    I take it this will be an ongoing series in the ilk of Mr Spanozzi?

    Could be interesting.

    Nice start…

  10. Yeah, originally I was going to make one of those quizzes, “Which dull American neighbor are you?” Those are so done, though. :mrgreen:

  11. ReV.JeLLyBaBy

    I WANDERED lonely as a Nick Spanozzi,
    That floats on high o’er chili dogs and pizza,
    When all at once I saw a crowd,
    A ghost, of my boss’ bottle opener;
    Besides the mess, beneath the rug,
    Fluttering and dancing in his socks.

    Continuous as the Jolly Ranchers that shine
    And twinkle on the mustard stain,
    They stretched in never-ending line
    Along the margin of his dockers,
    Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
    Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

    The mustard blobs beside them danced; but they
    Out-did the sparkling Jolly Ranchers in glee:
    A Davezilla could not but be gay,
    In such revolting company:
    I gazed–and gazed–but little thought to paper cuts,
    What wealth the Dockers pants to me, had brought:

    For oft, when on my couch I lie
    In socks and in sexy mood,
    They flash upon that inward eye
    Which is the curse of solitude,
    And then his heart with burning fills,
    And dances naked with the lights on,
    Like Jabba the Hutt with hair,
    Eating pizza dropped 5 seconds afore.


  12. Mandy

    ReV, you’re a genius! Bravo!

  13. ReV.JeLLyBaBy

    Unfortunantely Mandy,

    William Wordsworth is the genius…….

    I’m just his editor.


  14. Long Live Nick!

    I remember won the “copious back hair contest” in Duluth. Oh those were the days. He went on to win that contest 3 years in a row before retiring.

    He married his high school sweetheart, “Miss Gratuitous Facial Hair” and they lived happily ever after.

  15. An Interested Party

    William Wordsworth? I think I’ve heard of him before. Is he a famous film star? Oh this is all getting too much for me, I’ll just stick to my pretty pictures

  16. Esther

    Aw man, Nick iz teh HAWT!:geek:

    Dave, I think you forgot to mention his nasty nasal spray habit.

  17. An Interested Party

    Have you ever thought of setting up a dating agency? Only ask as Anna seems quite taken with Nicks face (comment 9) & has also been known to say “I’ll take anyone, go anywhere and do anything (I’m in dire need).”
    Anna & Nick. It sounds like a 80s/90s TV show, sorry that was Ann & Nick wasn’t it.

    P.S Yes Stacy that quote was taken from your website

  18. ReV.JeLLyBaBy

    Alas, tis’ true…………

    I’ll take anyone, go anywhere and do anything (I’m in dire need).

    Posted by Anna at November 11, 2004 03:00 AM

    Thats one better than semi naked pics methinks….


  19. Cheap Date


    and that’s all I have to say about that!

    Dave, would you please make a nice VOMIT icon that we can use?


  20. Damn, I thought a tagless link might actually work.:dead:

  21. For the record, you can still post comments with links, but they will not appear until I’ve had a chance to review them to make sure it’s not spam. This may be a few minutes later, or several hours later depending on when I get to check email.

    Blame your local spammers for ruining it for everyone. I am looking for alternative solutions as Blacklist isn‘t enough anymore.:neutral:

  22. verago

    Never did it with the lights on and no socks? Poor, poor, man…

  23. Cheap Date

    Never did what??? 😕


  24. I strongly suspect that Mr. Spanozzi is guilty of photographing himself while being serviced by a small woodland creature.

Comments are closed