If women planned fishing trips

  1. Three course picnic, wine coolers and those adorable glasses from Target!
  2. “Do fish prefer Andes’ Mints or Truffles as bait?”
  3. “What do you mean, our laughing is scaring away the fish?”
  4. “I’m not sure how good these silver hooks are, but aren’t they cute?”
  5. “Do these waders make my butt look big?”
  6. I’m sure I missed a few, but I am really tired
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  1. Spud

    If women planned fishing trips…


  2. “Now that you caught the darned fish, will you PLEASE use this hand-sanitizer?!”

    (I can so see myself saying that, heh)

  3. Bigwavdave

    [Comment ID #182022 will be quoted here]

    You must know my wife. 😳

  4. Drusky

    -Ewww! Don’t they have pre-baited hooks or something? These worms are SO slimy-gross!
    -You know, it would have been so much cheaper to have just bought the fish at the store.
    -Don’t kill it! Just let it go. I mean, just look at the poor thing.
    -Do you even know where you’re going? Why won’t you just stop the boat and ask for directions?
    -Honey, your beer is sitting in the hot trunk of the car because I needed the room in the ice chest for the brie and shaved tomato dip.
    There’s no cell service out here! What am I going to do while you catch your stupid fish, like you ever CAN catch anything… 😈

  5. Drusky

    -Ewww! Don’t they have pre-baited hooks or something? These worms are SO slimy-gross!
    -You know, it would have been so much cheaper to have just bought the fish at the store.
    -Don’t kill it! Just let it go. I mean, just look at the poor thing.
    -Do you even know where you’re going? Why won’t you just stop the boat and ask for directions?
    -Honey, your beer is sitting in the hot trunk of the car because I needed the room in the ice chest for the brie and shaved tomato dip.
    There’s no cell service out here! What am I going to do while you catch your stupid fish, like you ever CAN catch anything… 😈

  6. Drusky

    Sorry for the double post. I hit the button and it acted like it didn’t go through… ❓

  7. “I wish this damn boat had a bathroom I gotta pee!” πŸ˜•

  8. Makes sure that you two rent a more expensive looking fishing boat then your neighbours, Bobby and Linda.

    Investigates the possibility of being able to fly fish while using a stair machine.

    In case of emergency, memorizes several good spoiler lines such as:
    Ò€œOh, no, no. You go ahead and fish and be sure and enjoy yourself and not think about me back here in the carÒ€¦ all aloneÒ€¦. waiting for you.Ò€

    Makes you stand on the jetty for 15 minutes with your arms full of fishing rods while she tries each one until she finds her Γ’β‚¬ΛœseasonÒ€ℒ.

    Changes to the opposite river bank every 15 minutes to get an even tan.

    Brings crackers and lemons along in case you catch one of those smoked fish.

    Applies the Γ’β‚¬Λœswear boxÒ€ℒ rule for when one gets away.

  9. AnnieB

    My late husband and I went sport fishing frequently in South Florida and the Bahamas after we got a “big” boat but before we did, we were out on the ocean on a beautiful, clear night with calm seas in a BASS boat! Of course there was no head and I was about to burst so my husband told me to just “hang over the side”. We could see some boat lights around us but they seemed to be far off and I really, really had to go. I pulled down my bottoms and “hung” my butt over the side and about that time someone hollered out “PUT A LAMPSHADE ON IT!”. OMG, we both almost died laughing.

    I love fishing!

  10. Bigwavdave

    A Jeff Foxworthy Favorite: You might be a redneck if – You’re too drunk to fish. :wtf:

  11. Bigwavdave

    A marriage license should be like a fishing license, it expires every year and if you go out of state, you can get a three day license.

    If you think about it, women and fish have a lot in common. They are fun to catch and if you clean and prep them right, most are good to eat. Also, if you decide to mount one, you know it’s going to cost you plenty. If you bring one home, no matter how well you treat them, they start going bad after a few days. Besides, the fresh ones are always better.

    It’s best to practice catch and release.

    (Thanks to L.J.)

  12. sledge

    associating women and fishing is way to dangerous.My little trout would get very jealous if I did any comparisons

  13. Spud

    You see, this is why I come back to this place day after day, I mean, where else are you going to pick up words of wisdom like that from BigDave.

    It’s deep, meaningful, and insightful and has a kind of symmetry about it that Freud would have choked on.


  14. beyonduplication

    “swear box” rule?? πŸ˜•

  15. StevieC

    [Comment ID #182075 will be quoted here]

    Amen, Brother! Praise the chubsucker!

  16. mick

    ohhhh,..i thought the whole thing with women and fish was sexual inuendo for scent of, well,…nevermind… 😈

  17. Bjorn Freeh

    If women planned fishing trips, we’d actually have to go fishing.

  18. Touché Bjorn.

    beyonduplication – you put 50c into the swear box every time you use a vulgar explicative. e.g.
    ‘Fuck me! I was reeling in that cocksucking fish and six feet from the pissant riverbank the motherfucker got away. Of all the shitty luck!’

    Cost of aforementioned sentence: $2.50

    As a rule, men do bring ice boxes with them on fishing trips and leave the swear box at home.

  19. Most of the comments have been assuming men will be invited to come a long.
    From experience (not purposely man-bashing):
    -They would come home actually having caught fish…
    -There would be a six course meals in color coded tupperware that she prepared specially for her and her friends…but if hubby comes along it won’t be more than ‘healthy’ finger sandwiches and maybe chips. 😈
    -When on extended stays, have no problem popping a squat, sleeping in sleeping bags directly on the ground ‘under the stars’ and ‘washing’ with lake water but if hubby is in tow, “You WILL rent a Motor Home, I will not be sqatting to pee or sleeping with god-knows-what on the floor! Would you like for me to get sick!!”
    -Fish may be prepared, cooked and eaten at the site and when she comes home empty handed tells hubby, “I suppose I’m just not good enough for this fishing stuff but it was beautiful and so relaxing, honey. Just sitting there in the boat with a nice long book. You should come with me sometime dear.” 😈
    ((I Love Fishing and I’ll be the first to admit, sometimes we’re evil…on purpose)) πŸ˜›

    Now for some fun-
    -Matching waders for every outfit.
    -You pig! Can’t you at least kill the worm before you hook it?
    -OMG! That’s a biggest one yet honey! Why don’t you let Jr reel him in? It would be a beautiful father/son moment and a wonderful experience for him!
    -Brings SPF5000, hand sanitizer and those big silly floppy garden hats for everyone (in bulk-in case someone shows up and doesn’t have one).
    -Packs a months worth clothes for a weekend trip including evening wear and dancing shoes…just in case!
    -Woman planning fishing trip: Honey, find me this. Honey, can you get me that? Honey, Load the car. Honey Can you stop and buy the bait? Honey, I don’t want those pans, we’ll buy a set for the trip… πŸ˜›

  20. beyonduplication

    well, fuck me. i’ve never heard of a swearbox before. πŸ™„

    /i’m not paying. you can’t make me


  21. pablo

    Phone calls to all of the other girls to make sure nobody is wearing the same waders
    The same joke over and over about fly fishing, rod size and using a red wiggler for bait
    Oprah book club discussion while waiting for a bite
    Matching hats & light beer
    Rummaging through the tackle box in hopes of finding lures that can double as jewelry.

    Zilla Girls fishing expedition
    Tequilla shots & lying naked on the shore saying Ò€œhere fishy, fishy, fishyÒ€

  22. [Comment ID #182075 will be quoted here]

    Hell, that’s some damn funny shit! (and I’m not contributing to the swear box either!).

    I’ve only got one thing to add – a quote from my Mom concerning fishing with Dad…

    ‘I didn’t mind the fishing, but the catching was gross!’

  23. beyonduplication

    [Comment ID #182125 will be quoted here]

    it’s not the size of your pole, but how you wiggle the worm

  24. Chris

    FISHING: A jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other…

    (Sorry, my ex was a fisherman.)

  25. Flash Gordon

    How about the Zillagirl who went on a fishing trip
    with three men? She came back with a red snapper. πŸ™„ :wang: :kiss: πŸ‘Ώ :wtf:

  26. Driver

    When the marriage licence expires and you dont renew it is that like a no cost divorce?
    Cause I’m onboard with that.

    Your just fuckin awsome-the truth will set us all free, and no I’m not payin the box either.

    My future ex was such a cool outdoors woman except she always had to have a tent to sleep in. Other than that and having a Loo Loo {yes that means pussy} she was like fishin with the guys.

  27. family jules

    My mom is 5 ft. 1 and blond, has fished all her life and can outfish any man I have ever met. I once watched her while some guy was showing off his catch and trying to teach her the proper technique. She was oohing and ahhing in admiration and then she promptly took his fish, skewered it on her hook and cast it in the lake. In 10 minutes she caught a 6 lb. big mouth bass. Everyone on the bank told him he should take note of HER technique.

    Best fishing story I’ve got:

    My nephew went fishing with some buddies and came back with quite a catch. The first thing he did was call his grandmother (my mother-in-law, God rest her soul) and brag, and the first thing she did was call me and brag. It went something like this:

    Gramma: You won’t believe what Charlie caught!
    Me: What?
    G: A 50 lb. bluegill!
    M: a WHAT?
    G: a 50 lb. bluegill!
    M: That can’t be right. Bluegills are cookie sized. Are you SURE?
    G: I’m telling you, that’s what he said, a bluegill!
    M: Is it glowing in the dark? I gotta check this out….. (call Charlie)…..Hey Charlie, I just got a call from your grandmother saying you caught a 50 lb. bluegill. WTF?
    C: (laughing hysterically) SPOONbill! It was a 50 lb spoonbill!!! Wanna come over and have dinner tonight?
    M: Oh hell yes!

    That was the best fish dinner I’ve ever had in my life.

  28. Rabbit

    [Comment ID #182088 will be quoted here]

    It’s pathetic, I’m a woman, and yet I find that hilarious. πŸ˜•

  29. junkman

    when i was little my grandad used to lash a fishing pole to my arm with a long blue silk scarf of my grandmothers. then he put a rope through my belt loops and tied it off to a cleat on the boat. i was 4 and we were trolling one day and i caught a 3′ muskie. they like to hit the bottom and roll. those moments before the boat was stopped you can imagine my position. the best fish tale of my life would not have occurred had this trip been planned by the fairer sex. they could barely stand to listen to the story after. :java:

  30. My mother, being a single and broke took me fishing every chance she got. She would find a sturdy stick, my size, some string and hooks discarded around the lake or river and I’d have a custom hand made fishing pole. When I caught something she would decide if it was big enough for eating and always gave me credit when she told stories. “My daughter caught dinner today.” She taught me to clean them out on the spot (we feed fishguts to the birds cuz they are letting us keep their fish) and at home, to batter and fry them. As I got older and our financial situation improved I began to notice that we kept less and less fish and only if we NEEDED to eat.
    To me it was just us going on a fishing trip. Now, older and wiser I see it was survival of the fittest/most resourceful (so to speak).
    I don’t have exciting stories of the biggest fish I ever saw, the one that got away or anything like that but I received knowledge beyond my years.
    She taught me to fish… πŸ˜†

  31. Bjorn Freeh

    For days, all they’d talk about on Davezilla was how women planned a fishing trip.

  32. junkman

    [Comment ID #182347 will be quoted here]ya. and by the way men…who’s planning the wedding this weekend? i’m looking for action!

  33. StevieC

    [Comment ID #182348 will be quoted here]

    Better hope it’s not a family wedding then.

  34. All Hail The Chubsucker! 😈
    Bow down my subjects and kiss my royal feet!
    (to start with 😈 )

    …Nope, can’t do it…I was gonna claim that name but…chub?…c’mon someone give me something better! :wtf: 😈

  35. StevieC

    [Comment ID #182350 will be quoted here]

    But Astryd, the chubsucker is a fine looking fish that can grow to be about 14″ long!

    Contest Time! Come up with a new, fish-related, nickname for Astryd.

  36. Fourteen inches is really good, I agree…actually kinda scary.
    BUT chub?… I want it to be strong powerful, commanding and assertive! πŸ˜† 😈
    Not qualities associated with Chub…

  37. jeffro

    [Comment ID #182345 will be quoted here]
    Beautiful and articulate story. Brought a tear to my eye. If only this generation of parents were as resourceful and attentive, we wouldn’t have such a huge crop of in-debt I-pod junkies.

  38. junkman

    [Comment ID #182349 will be quoted here]
    i mean the kind of wedding we would put on from a couple of days ago. you know….strippers, kegs, plasma screens, ranchy zilla girls etc.
    8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

  39. junkman

    [Comment ID #182349 will be quoted here]
    i mean the kind of wedding we would put on from a couple of days ago. you know….strippers, kegs, plasma screens, raunchy zilla girls etc.
    8) 8) 8) 8) 8)

  40. junkman

    oops. “raunchy” not “ranchy”. although cowgirl boots are welcome. 😈

  41. StevieC

    [Comment ID #182360 will be quoted here]

    Just watch out for Astryd’s and Meagan’s spurs. I’d swear that those whiptailed catfish spend their days sharpening those things. 😈

    Mmmmm …. just picturing Mandy at the wedding, wearing nothing but a veil and her new thong (in white, of course). :wang:

    It’s a nice day for a white wedding. (we need a drooling icon)

  42. chainstay

    My wife and I love to go fishing. I have no good stories. I did, however, get a great kick today from reading this site. It ranged from touching, to man-bashing, to women empowerment,to just down right fuckin’ funny.

  43. uhhh, this James Douglas Morrison thing. WTF?

    What’s next, John Winston Lennon doing skiffle gigs in Argentina with Cecilia Bolocco?

  44. [Comment ID #182360 will be quoted here]

    Prefer ranchy to raunchy… ❗

    Bridesmaids outfits:
    Thinking…black boots(spurs of course), chaps(those have to be black leather), white thong(maybe), white and silver tassle pasties, black gloves, black cowboy hat, and whip…each riding their own *ahem* horse. 😈

    I have a slight problem with binding commitments so I’ll be a bridesmaid, who’s the lucky couple? πŸ˜›
    Is it absolutely necessary to have a couple? Maybe we can start the party and end with the ceremony… πŸ˜€

  45. StevieC

    [Comment ID #182367 will be quoted here]

    Since when do you have a problem with binding? 😈

  46. Ha Ha Ha! Commitment is the key work there honey!
    Binding?!…anytime, anywhere, I’m yours! 😈

  47. pablo

    [Comment ID #182353 will be quoted here]

    Gulpie? No that’s Mandy


    It doesn’t matter. I think more of her as bait for Trouser Trout and the majestic Swordfish.

  48. Drusky

    [Comment ID #182372 will be quoted here]

    Didn’t we already have a topic about names for boy’s parts?

    Besides, I would consider Astryd like a Lionfish. Beautiful to look at but absolutly deadly if touched wrong…

  49. Drusky

    [Comment ID #182372 will be quoted here]

    Didn’t we already have a topic about names for boy’s parts?

    Besides, I would consider Astryd like a Lionfish. Beautiful to look at but absolutly deadly if touched wrong…

  50. Bigwavdave

    [Comment ID #182367 will be quoted here]

    Astryd – I’m totally up for a rodeo 😈 :wang:

  51. junkman

    [Comment ID #182384 will be quoted here]hmmm…is there such a thing as a yeee-haaaa fish?

  52. junkman

    [Comment ID #182074 will be quoted here]
    i might be a redneck!




    JENNIFER… :mrgreen: 😐 😈 πŸ™„ πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜† πŸ˜†

  54. [Comment ID #182125 will be quoted here]

    Make it whisky and that’s my kind of fishing trip! Maybe I’ll catch a trouser trout or lake eel.


  55. skotrik

    I was just browsing through and after reading some of these comments brought back memmories of fishing with my grandfather back in Southern Illinois. Although those days are long gone all of the “life’s little lessons” still cary true today. My best fish story, however, comes years after my granddad’s passing. In west central Illinois. In a small town of Rushville. There was an old rock quarry where we used to throw a few lures in on occasion. I had just started working in a meat processing plant and when I got my first paycheck off to the local Wally World I went. I spent my whole check of $350 on fishing gear. I was a proud man that day. Took it home and strung up my new rod adding new line to my new reel. Tied on a swivel snap and I was ready to go fishing in the morning. It was approx. 4:30 in the am when I left the house and started walking to the quarry. It is about a twenty minute walk and another ten to get where I wanted to be. Anyways when I got to my spot catching a fish was not on my mind at this time. Instead I wanted to tighten the string up on my reel. So I grabbed this huge white roostertail spoon and hooked it to the snap on my string. I cast. The lure was so heavy that it must of flew over 50 feet into the water. The actual distance I do not know but I am sure it was somewhere close to this number. I started reeling the lure back in at a very fast pace. The next thing I know is my line stopped and at first feared I had snagged on a tree or something deep in the water. About a second or so after I had realized that I was in for a fight. I reeled and reeled. “Splash!” out of the water it soared and then “Splash!” back in again. It was huge. For another 15 mins or so and I netted a 9 pound lunker, a large mouth bass. My very first cast with my brand new rod and reel and lure and I unintentionally catch the biggest fish I ever caught. I don’t get to tell this story much anymore, but I had fun recalling it. πŸ˜€

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