How to Perplex Waitstaff

Last night, Chris Brogan, Amber Naslund, Lizz and myself were at one of those social media speaker suck-up dinners. We found the following ways to amuse ourselves during an otherwise stiff uneventful dinner party.

  1. After they remove the salad plates, hide all flatware, placemats and napkins. Look longingly at the other place settings.
  2. After receiving a new place setting, add all of your previous settings to this one or, as we did, give them all to one person and let them determine which of nine forks to use. When we did this, our waiter’s head literally did a loop like in a cartoon.
  3. Change the names of the menu items very slightly. If waitstaff hear only a few recognizable syllables, they will generally bring you the correct item. We ordered the Creepy Sea Bass and Scared NY Strip. And for dessert? The Creme Brutale.
  4. Ask for ketchup no matter what you’ve ordered. Especially in an upscale restaurant.
  5. Find a way to use up all the ketchup and order more.

What ways can you think of to perplex waitstaff?

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comment 19 comments
  • Bear

    carry an extra bag of foriegn objects and insert them in you salad. Snake heads and those small green frogs usually get you a free dinner.

  • Christi ;)

    A friend of mine drinks like he’s just escaped hasn’t had water in months. He took me out for dinner in exchange for a favor πŸ˜‰ the other night, and every time the waitress refilled his soda, he’d down it immediately, so every time she passed us coming back, she did a double-take at the empty glass before taking it back for a refill. After a couple times with this, she actually asked us, “No, seriously. I DID refill your cup a second ago, didn’t I?!” It was pretty amusing. What always gets me is why after three or four rounds of this they don’t just ask, “Can I just get you a pitcher or something?” πŸ™„

  • Christi ;)

    Oh crapcakes; I hate when I have like 5 windows open and words accidentally end up in the wrong spot. That should be “drinks like … he hasn’t had water in months.” Ignore that middle bit. >_<

  • JulesOdeNile

    i don’t mess with anyone that has to handle my food in secret. ❗ it’s bad enough they are already doing things to it back there when all I’ve been is nice. ❓ i have seriously started considering tipping at the door as i come in 😐

  • Lung the Younger

    When you’re finished collect all the dirty dishes and cutlery and take them to the kitchen yourself, just like Mom taught you.

  • fruf

    When in a high class steal house ask if they have meatloaf and wait for the reaction,then order a quarter pounder….
    always try to involve at least three tables in all your decisions

  • fruf

    steal house sounds wrong let’s try steak house

  • Bigwavdave

    Dave – What’s this thing you have against “waitstaff”? Never was one, so it’s not personal – just wondering…

  • Scamper

    My dad as a teenager, would put a couple napkins on top of a full glass of water and carefully hold and turn it over before leaving. Make a great mess.

  • chainstay

    Replace the flatware, plates, and cups with plastiic flatware, paper plates, and plastic cups. When waitstaff comes around and eyes your table (and they will) order cold chicken and a pitcher of lemonade ’cause we is havin’ us a pick-uh-nik.
    Great fun in a posh resaurant. Even more fun if they ask you to leave.

  • Cobe

    Get your wife to give him a “Britney” flash. :wang:

  • Davezilla

    [quote comment=”632281″]Dave – What’s this thing you have against “waitstaff”? Never was one, so it’s not personal – just wondering…[/quote]
    Nothing against waitstaff as I have been both waiter and bartender. But every job needs to be shaken up with a little fun once in a while. You must admit; these pranks are harmless and nontoxic. πŸ˜›

  • Sherri

    My daughter is in college and “just for fun” they go to the drive thru at McD’s and when asked what they want they respond with “nothing, just stopped to say hi”. πŸ˜†

  • Failboat 9000

    An ..um… Interesting thing to do in large groups…

    Order everything you would normally, but kindly ask them to leave out odd things. For example, a mushroom swiss burger, but hold the hamburger. Or a cobb salad, and hold the lettuce. Chili cheese fries without the fries, pasta alfredo without the sauce… well, you get the picture.
    One person doing this is ‘picky’, but a whole table-full is, well, let’s just say – Memorable.
    πŸ˜€

    (Although, I did actually hear of someone who likes to order a cheeseburger without the cheese – they claim it tastes different that a normal burger. :wtf: )

  • Failboat 9000

    [quote comment=”632299″]they go to the drive thru at McD’s and when asked what they want they respond with “nothing, just stopped to say hi”.
    :lol:[/quote]
    I’ve always wanted to do that…I’d love to just give them some home-baked cookies. No reason – just to be nice. πŸ˜›

  • Mandy

    [quote comment=”632294″]Get your wife to give him a “Britney” flash. :wang:[/quote]
    i’ve done that. great way to get a free meal. :thong:

  • blonde mafia

    have you seen the movie Waiting… dont mess with the people who handle your food I had a friend who spits in the burgers at fuddruckers a heads up for everyone

  • BuckDaddy

    You must have never waited tables or you probably would have found something better to do then eff with someone.

  • Davezilla

    [quote comment=”632377″]You must have never waited tables or you probably would have found something better to do then eff with someone.[/quote]
    Please read my earlier comment before making uninformed comments. πŸ™„

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