• “Take a spoonful of sugar for hiccups.”
  • Now I have sweet hiccups and tooth decay.
  • “If you have to sneeze, just breathe in deeply and it will go away.”
  • No, now I just have to sneeze harder.
  • “When you get a migraine, suck on an ice cube.”
  • Great. Now my migraine has brain freeze.
  • “If your hands smell like garlic, rub them against stainless steel.”
  • Now I smell like a Italian spoon.
  • “If you’re not good company for yourself, you won’t be good company for anyone else.”
  • Oh yeah? What if I don’t want to be good company for anyone else? Ever think about that? Huh? Didja?

What sort of inane tidbits did your parents try to pawn off on you?

24 thoughts on “Bad parental wisdom

  1. :undies:

    My Grandmother’s Dating advice: “If all else fails, get pregnant. He’s got to stick around then.”

    Right, Granny, works like a charm…

  2. I don’t know what it is, but something about the words “Italian spoon” just make me want to piss my pants. 😆

    It might make a good band name, though. 🙂

  3. “If you have diarrhea, eat some cheese.”

    One who enjoys eating cheese might get out of hand and make the whole process go in reverse.:wtf:

  4. “Don’t marry a Republican. Or a Capricorn. Or a two-fisted drinker. Or a wrestler. Or a mime. Or a carny. In fact, just don’t get married.”

  5. “I don’t buy that good cereal for you kids because you will eat it all up!” – ummm, food is supposed to be eaten!

    Then on the Reverse is “That is perfectly good” Nay, I say nay! To this day I can’t just cut the bad part off of the apple and eat the rest of it.

  6. “You can catch things from having sex with girls.”

    Thanks Mom, now I’m gay. (Oh, all right, I was already gay.)

  7. Mandy….my dad said “don’t date bad boys too” but I did and whaddaya know their dads said the same thing about me

  8. My Mom went on a holiday in Sth Queensland, Australia………..got to a place on the Gold Coast called Miami and saw signs on the road which she swore said “Peon’s crossing ahead”…….got so indignant..told the whole bus…”that’s taking this Yankee stuff too far……first they call the place Miami and then they get you down to Mexico…whatta we gonna see next … burritos?”. No amount of arguement convinced her that the sign actually said “PED’N CROSSING (x) AHEAD” …. sheeeeesh …………. she argued that one for years

  9. ……..and my grandmother said (in response to my dad) “don’t you worry about Garth……no woman will get him” …. she was right ……. I remember one day she walked out and saw me in a happy mood……she went to my mother and said “my, Garth is gay today” …… she was right then……..too…..but that was before gay meant anything other than happy and bright…….

  10. My mother’s words of wisdom – “Women over 40 should never have long hair.” and “But I’ve always fried everything.” and “Horoscopes are real.” (yeah, like wrestling), “If you get the hiccups hang your head way over and they’ll go away.” and other gems like that. We won’t even go into the racial comments.:roll:

  11. Don’t swallow that, it’ll grow in your stomach. It suffices to say I haven’t had a penis growing out of my neck, so mom’s advice rings true once again.

  12. :wtf: “Don’t go near that lake, there’s a giant crab monster at the bottom of it and if you go too close to the edge, it will get you.”
    And people wonder why I never learned to swim…

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