14 year-old Thanksgiving memories

Thuisrday, 11am
dear deadjournal readers,

this may be the last u hear from me. no, i promise no more suicide attempts. 3 years in a row and kurt cobain STILL hasn’t contacted me. wanker. i’m sure u smell real good now, kurt. as good as courtney’s ruby starfruit. lol!!

i fear this is the end. it’s thanksgiving today and my parent are dragging me to my enormous carpenter aunt’s house for dinner. her food is sheer microwaved venom. i will surely perish. if so, please leave my ipod to kyle (*smooch*) and my hissing cockroach is to be let loose in my english lit class.

your slice of hell,

Thuirsday, 2pm
dear deadjournal readers,

u guys are hella cool. thankz for the supporting ims though even i cannot stoop to putting bleach in the gravy. again. last time i tried that my cavebiyatch grounded me from playing dragonball z for four days!!! not going through that again. that is just plain crewel. i should sue my mom for neglect. that would sooo rule. lol!! btw, i am posting this from my hiptop. i had to beg the cavebiyatch into buying this for me. noob. connection sux my dik.

your teddy grizzly bear,

Thuirsday, 6pm
dear deadjournal readers,

am nearly dead. carpenter aunt made us green bean asserole. my ass is going to pay for even smelling it. the carpenter aunt has become a vegan. should i be elated or hate her more?? i say hate and here’s why. tofurkey is the devil. if i snotted into a cup of burning yogurt and basted it with contraceptive jelly it couldn’t taste worse. remind me to give birth to killer bees and set them loose on my family. have a festive holiday.

your camqueen,

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Show 23 Comments


  1. Esther

    Dasmn, that wuz tofarkin’ high-larius! πŸ˜€

    I’ll be spending Turkey Day w/my sis, brother-in-law, and nephew. No problems there. However, the brother-in-law’s slightly insano family will also be there. Pray for me.:neutral:

  2. I’ve had a vegitarian Thanksgiving. I was on vacation with my aunt and uncle in Florida over Thanksgiving week and we visited some friends of theirs who were vegitarian. They cooked a nutloaf thing instead of turkey.

    Put enough ketchup on anything and it will eventually taste close enough to meatloaf. At least the pumpkin pie was still tasty.

  3. Teenagers are great. From bash.org:


  4. Anna

    Is this real language or someone trying …

  5. Anna

    Ooh, sorry, also wanted to say that I didn’t get it. It must be something “American”.

  6. While I speak American fluently Anna, this was written in “LiveJournalese”, a dialect found only online and spoken among the under 20 crowd. πŸ˜›

    BTW, my first Thanksgiving memory of the year, waking up to 29 comment spams. πŸ˜•

  7. As I have said many times here on DAVEZILLA, that NOW is the time to stock up on extra ammunition before the holiday rush!

    If you see any underage brainless civilized animals lurking around the gun-store, be sure to do them (and ALL of US) a favour by purchasing for them their weapon of choice! Such a small gesture will go over in a big way!

    THIS WEEK’S SPECIAL: HAZMAT suits at COST! When the bioweapons are wreaking havoc in your town, stay cool and calm in your personal sealed environment. These suits come certified from a foreign government with thermal controlled air scrubbers and a THIRTY DAY MONEY BACK GUARANTEE!

  8. Esther

    rust, you are way nifty.:smile:

  9. ReV.JellYBaBy

    Oh Well,

    It seems that I’m about as popular as a pork chop at a Jewish wedding these days and my views..hmmmm about as good as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest.

    Maybe I should just become conformist like the norm or trudge down to the end of my garden to eat some worms or something?

    Unfortunately we dont have Thanksgiving in the U.K but we do have double decker buses and like all good things you wait around forever then two turn up at the same time. Not thanksgiving, but busses and err twins.

    Don’t know why I just wrote that……..perhaps I just don’t get it anymore.


    P.S With regards to the speech on evolution the other day…………Maybe it’s relevent that we’re the ONLY creature on this Earth that knows it will eventually one day die. We are also the only creature with enough intelligence to “create” an acceptable conclusion.


  10. ReV.JellYBaBy

    P.s Rust you are also considered very nifty and more vocal these days as well!

    Keep up the good work mon amie.


  11. Dave too

    The T-Day piece is brilliant. Thanks and kudos to Mr. Zilla.

  12. We all still love you, Rev. Don’t feel jealous cause you’re not getting a day off work to stay home and eat too much. I suggest you lobby England to get a similar holiday. Canada has one. Be excellent to yourself. Stay home and eat. πŸ˜›

  13. Hey Rev, I hate to tell you this but when I was in New York recently, they had double decker buses too. They were bright red london stylee double decker open top tourist buses, but double decker nonetheless. :boobs:

  14. ReV.JellYBaBy

    Dearest Olly,

    “London Stylee” but twas not actually in London! Glad We’re having an influence though!

    Happy Thanksgiving All! πŸ˜†

    P.S Dave. Have a good one mate and don’t eat too much breast or you’ll get sick.


    P.P.S I am having a day off anyhow, but alas no food and festive fun. πŸ™

  15. So here I am, sitting in front of the computer, naked as always, thinking, WHAT THE FRIK AM I DOING IN A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY!

    Well, you know, that phrase just echoed around my brain, screaming at me for an answer. As well as a touch of Ranch dressing on the side.

    The answer is, that no first world country, like for example, Japan, or Italy would have me. The Canadians TOTALLY disown me (what, that RUST? never heard of him! can we somehow revoke his citizenship?) Amurrikans – man you GOT to be kidding. I can’t even travel through terrorist central without getting a full-groin pat-down by some gun-totin’ red-neck SECKYOOR itty guard lookin’ for his next boyfriend. But I digress. Let me backtrack a little…. It all started in a one-room schoolhouse — no wait, that was Little House! Let me start again: I was sitting here, NIFOC as usual when it occurred to me that the FIRST RULE of INTERNET always applies: on the Internet, no one knows you are a dog. So what better medium is there for a worthless drone like me? What the hell am I talking about? I’m talkin’ FRUIT. And VEGGIES. And SEAFOOD. (Yes, I’m on a SEAFOOD diet, when I see food… *rimshot*). Not that I eat those disgusting things that they call “LOCOS” and “MACHAS” and other partially mutated tendril-entangled life forms. But, give me an orange and a peach, fresh from the farm — orchard — I don’t know, I just buy them at the store that Willy and Oscar own — and I forget all about Jack’n the Burger and Dairy King. There’s an orange with my name on it … calling me…. “dave, I’m juicy and sweet — eat me, pleeeeeease”

    But on second thought, I know why I’m still here! It’s those third-world babes! Just flash the baby-blues at ’em and I got ’em throwing their underwear at me like I was an overweight Engelbert Humperdinck. It’s good to be the King.

  16. Patrick

    At least those of you not living in the US are saved from the annual tradition of watching your favorite sports team (Detroit Lions) embarass themselves on national TV. Alas, I’m a slave to American Football…the horrors start soon. πŸ™„

    Happy Thanksgiving my brother! You’re going to love your Christmas gift this year! I “turned it out”

  17. Lace Valentine

    holy crap, elspeth!!1 I hope u don’t suicide yorself until the next Nirvana album cums out. tHat would be something awFul. πŸ™

    funny you men shuned pouring bleach in the gravey but not one reference to their tunes off that raaaadical album. bleach is raw man. it take turkey meat off the bone dude. those are there best kick ass tunez if you ax me!! i forgive ya. :razz:!

    i’m gonna kick out the jams now. spend turkey day pounding my head to all the nir vana albums and pick the meat from my tooths. maybe steal a beer from the fridge when my folks and relatives start playing uno. there’s so much spirits in their they won’t notice any shiat missing or the fact i stole some cigs. gotta go!! kurt is god for sure

  18. Spud

    I’m kinda with Stacy on this one, that did hurt my eyes and brain to read.

    Translation is hard at midnight.

  19. Histerical Post At Davezilla
    Davezilla has been spying on teen web sites. Go read the copied post…and read the comments too. am nearly dead. carpenter aunt made us green bean asserole. my ass is going to pay for even smelling it. the carpenter aunt…

  20. Frisko

    Rust goes on his computer naked.

Comments are closed