Spotting a Bad Date

  1. She counts the number of syllables you say in each sentence and informs you.
  2. She sits down to watch the Disney Channel with your parents. In the nude.
  3. She believes Jack Chick tracts to be very real and accurate.
  4. She wears sweatsocks under her nylons.
  5. Her armpit hair is corn-rowed.
  6. Your friends tell you that you couldn’t have just asked her on a date. She died in a car accident 10 years today.
  7. She brings a clipboard of criteria you must meet.
  8. Dogs and small children naturally flee when she approaches.
  9. She lives in a pond.
  10. What bad dates can you share with the class?
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46 Replies to “Spotting a Bad Date”

  1. If she collects knives and informs you while traveling down the interstate by pulling one out and holding it very close to you.

  2. …after the “date”, runs into house, comes back with a six-pack, says, “let’s go”…my last words to her that night were “I’ll be here at nine with the bail money.”

    …when you suggest bowling and fried chicken, she waves all two (plus thumbs) of her fingers.

  3. HE asks you if you like seafood and then takes you to Arthur Treachers. He than charms you with tales of going to the county fair with his friends and pretending to be mentally retarded.

  4. Sorry dave, I’m no use to you on this one, I only went out with 4 girls, one of them became the missus.

    All dates turned out great.

    😈

  5. – She insists on bringing her gay friend along as a chaperone because he’s such a good judge of character.

    – ‘jeez I hope this date’s better than last night’s, that guy was such a creep. AND he slept till midday.’

    – ‘Oh THOSE marks, well I’m a……uuuh….diabetic. Yeah, that’s it, I’m diabetic!’

    – She thinks that Martin Sheen is president.

  6. 1. She says, “Like ya know, Um.” at the beginning of every sentence.

    2. Must watch TV whenever you visit.

    3. Says you have something on your face all the time and tries to fix it.

    4. Thinks Paris Hilton is funny.

    5. Constantly asks where you were and what you did.

    6. Tries to install a spy cam in your apartment while your out.

    7. Dislikes my mother who can drink anyone under the table.

  7. He insisted on going on a carnival ride after dinner—:hurl: all over the place! Wonders why I wouldn’t date him again. :wtf:

  8. The worst date i ever had was a blind date.I know this is going to sound like a really bad joke, but she was sooooooo fugly, that on my way to drop her off i ran a stop sign and had an accident. The worst part is, she sued me saying she had whiplash.

    That was the ONLY time in my life that i wish David Lee Roth had been a paramedic where i live! :limp:

  9. – Tells you that you look like Molly Ringwald.

    – Doesn’t get the concept of humor.

    – Calls his mother when he gets home to tell her everything about your date.

    – His mother calls your mother to tell her everything you did on your date.

    – After two dates mothers begs you to stop dating him because she is already tired of his mother’s phone calls.

    Sadly true.

  10. A bad date is: when one of his friends is called “Tyrone” (sorry, I’ve been listening to Erykah Badu.

    A bad date is: When he wants to introduce you to the family. And it’s the first date. And his family say: “ah, so you’re Ed’s girlfriend”.

  11. When you pick her up in your 1993 S10 and she wants to go to a corn field in the middle of nowhere to have sex in the bed…

    When you take her back to your place and she wants to go for a walk in the woods…to drop down and have sex in a clearing 100 yards from your neighbors house…

    those are both true…when she said that i was like “whoa”…i still did it but it was really weird…

  12. – You’re sharing a night of decent conversation underneath the stars and your date cofesses, “I dated a model before you. She was so difficult. I just don’t think I can date beautiful girls any more.”

    That night the same guy also:

    1. Showed up on my doorstep carrying a two pound bag of shredded porn instead of flowers.

    2. Jabbed me in the foot with his jagged toenail during our goodbye hug causing me to bleed all over the carpet.

    :dead:

  13. 1. Takes you to see “Dances With Wolves” and spends the majority of the 2+ hour movie in the parking lot fighting, then spends the entire drive home griping about the situation.

    2. Spends his graduation party playing one-on-one basketball with his brother in an attempt to “impress” you. (Hello, have we met?)

    3. Same party, relatives say “You’re Mike’s girlfriend?” (I feel you on that one, Anna.)

  14. After an okay blind date, it was a quiet ride back to her place, okay maybe not so quiet. At one point we did talk about the weather. And not much else.

  15. Let’s see:

    1. He said: “You sounded hotter on the phone.”
    2. He flirted with the waitress
    3. He cried
    4. He accused me of flirting with the man behind him even though we were the only people in the place and there was no one behind him.

    These are four different men of course, as that would be one crazy date if it were all the same person.

  16. 1. She eats a bowl of fruit&cottage cheese and washes it down with sugar free cherry koolaid then rides the tilt-a-wirl.:hurl:
    2. The first thing she says on the first date is “I’m saving myself for marriage so don’t get any ideas”, and then proceeds to grope you all through the movie.:wang:
    3. She says things like; ” I’ve seen every Survivor episode ever!” and “I think cats are as smart as people.”

  17. She had her hair up identically to Bride of Frankenstein. Heavy on the charcoal and blue eye shadow, kinda creepy looking. She said she couldn’t get a sitter. Her son and I sat in front row and watched Beauty and the Beast. We had a good time. She sat four rows back for some odd reason. And found out later she gave me an alias instead of her real first name. Really great sex but I never went back. :wang:

  18. uh. that last one was… gross. yeah. eww.
    worst date date for me was when my girlfriend then brought a “guy” friend to the movies with us. it was a group thing but i thought something was going on. she dumped me a week later and proceded to go out with him in two days time. i was very angry. whore-bag girl.

  19. I love all the comments from everyone. Bad vacation. We seemed to be having a good time; however, she met one of her friends whom I don’t know and stopped talking to me. I decided to make the best of it, so I got my own room, went dancing, and got laid. 😛

  20. Blind date:

    -Met him at my favorite sushi place in town. I’m dressed up in a nice skirt, blouse, and shoes. He shows up wearing a long-sleeved dress shirt, cargo shorts, and Tevas.

    – During meal, he reveals that the only tv he watches is PBS, on occasion, since he can’t get cable in his 5-wheel out in the boonies.

    – I thought he was a prison guard, but it turned out that he was the vending machine guy for all the prisons.

    – After dinner, I had to drive us to the movies, since he said his car had a tendency to break down whenever he drove it.

    – Saw ‘Finding Nemo’ (second time for me, but he really wanted to see it.).

    My friend Paul has been banned from ever setting me up again.

  21. Chris, this is suppossed to be “bad” dates, not “super-fantastic, brag to your friends, write a letter to penthouse” dates.

  22. 1.He says beforehand, “Don’t wear anything that will disgrace my uniform.”

    2. On the way to the restuarant, in the taxi, he looks at you and asks if you pluck your eyebrows because there’s some stray hairs that look like they need plucking.

    3. Tells you that even if you date somebody else, get pregnant, and return, he’ll still marry you. Is that sweet and romantic or just a little creepy?

  23. Not quite a first date, but I once had a guy moan “Oh Mom” during sex. :wtf:

    Does that count?

    I guess it wouldn’t have been quite so alarming if his mom was better looking 😛

  24. My friends MOTHER EXPECTED me to go out with her fiancies pal that smelled like rotten green peppers, and had NO teeth. Nice double date….Delores said she was sorry after I told her he smelled and wanted sex too. I hated being 18.

    EEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!

  25. My most horrible date was when the guy took me to meet his mom. His mom and I ended up in a major yelling match that ended with my date dragging me out of the house to keep me from hitting her.

    We’re engaged now.

  26. I suggested the place. It turned out to be right across the street from her office.

    After a perfectly pleasant but spark-less dinner, she said, “I told my co-workers I would clean the office fridge. Would you be interested in joining me?” Being the dumbass I am, I said, “OK.”

    I thought, well, maybe things are just a little awkward, but she still wants to, ahem, get to know me better at the office after hours. Nope, at least not that way…we really did clea the (very disgusting) fridge as I gradually realized that sometimes you gotta quit while you’re ahead.

  27. I didn’t smell it! That is the grossest (if that is a word) thing I had ever heard. Though I imagine it had an interesting scent.:-?

  28. Had to REFUSE a date with this one… He was soooo weird. We had only just met and had accused me of not wanting to commit anything to the RELATIONSHIP. :wtf:

  29. He asks, within the first twenty minutes of the first date, when you’re going to get naked and cuddle with him. :dead:

  30. I would disagree with #1 IFF she counts them to figure if you’re speaking in haiku. And says “Cool!” when you are and are happy she noticed.

    Or is that just me?

  31. Yes, Coley, that was all the same guy. During the same taxi ride, he also made a comment about the nearly invisible,fine hairs above my upper lip that everyone has.

    ….He referred to them as a mustache! ❗

    “Oh, no he didn’t!” But, in fact, he had asked me if I shaved my mustache. 👿 👿

  32. I would’ve proceed to ask him if he tucked his :limp:, because he seemed to be lacking a little in the crotch.

    Then I would’ve asked him if getting his ass kicked by a girl would disgrace his uniform.:mad:

    Sorry, that one pushed me over the edge. I’m ok now..really I am. 😳

  33. WE went out to a bar, sang some kareoke. He met a old friend and we decided to do a little bar hopping with the friend and his girl. The guys got drunk and I got hit on by the lesbian girlfriend ALL night. Date HELL!!!!:evil:

  34. This was my date from hell. He had expensive tickets to the symphony, front and center. I dressed to the nines and he picked me up by driving onto the sidewalk into my yard and honking the horn, already drunk!

    He told me he would have brought flowers but he got me a candle instead, burnining where his dash met the windshield, apparently to set the mood because when we parked in the lot, he brought out two glasses and said, “I thought we could have a little of this” and offered me a bottle of Hot Sex!

    During the symphony he alternately fell asleep and then woke up and pumped his arm Arsenio fashion and whoofed. When he stood up for the intermission, the blue haired rich old ladies behind us got an exceptional view of about 6 inches of his butt crack.

    Afterward, he wanted to get coffee but he ordered a full meal. He requested they bring dessert first, and slopped ice cream all down the front of his shirt and face, and chewed with his mouth open all through dinner.

    It ended (mercifully) with him driving back over the sidewalk and into my hard at 1 a.m., and driving away before I made it to the walkway to my house. Mr. Romance also took the candle with him!

    This guy was going all out to impress me. Can you imagine what life would be like after he started taking me for granted??

  35. when she says what are you doing to every thing you do, doesn’t understand the concept of sex, and thinks that a hot dog is slang for :wang:, thats a real bummer when you get one of those:limp:

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