In the Beginning, God created the hobbits and the dwarves…

Have you read about the ridiculous goings-on in Georgia schools? They are actually placing “evolution is a theory” stickers in science books? If not, here is the actual sticker being placed into high school science books (Yes, in this century).

This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered. — SOURCE

I have several problems with this. For one thing, never delude a child. For another, I get so tired of Creationists saying ridiculous things like, “Dinosaurs weren’t real,” “Dinosaurs were put on earth to test our faith,” or “There’s only a few of them, you can’t really prove anything by a few scattered remains.” Sigh. If you have to prove a murder, you first have to produce a body. We have the bodies. We have hundreds of thousands of them. But I digress…

I suggest we make up our own stickers. Just for fun.

  1. This textbook contains material on carpentry. Woodworking is a theory, practiced by Jesus of Nazareth, not a fact, regarding the creation of wooden furniture. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and not undertaken without OSHA-approved safety glasses.
  2. This textbook contains material on The Matrix. The Matrix is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of the machine takeover. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered before taking the red pill.
  3. This textbook contains material on Narnia. Naria is a story, not a fact, regarding the origin of an imaginary land. This material should be approached with a child’s mind, studied carefully, and critically considered, especially as it is a pagan novel written by a professed Christian. Never mind that one of the central protagonists is a faun, a creature considered to be Satan by most Christians.

Your turn.

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38 Replies to “In the Beginning, God created the hobbits and the dwarves…”

  1. This textbook contains material on Oz. Oz is a place, not a dream, regarding the origin of living Munchkins. The flying monkeys should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and checked for rabies.

  2. well, evolution is a theory, Dave. it happens to be a theory that I believe in and anybody with half a brain ought to also, but it’s not like they’re lying. I don’t think creationism has a place in the public school system though. at all.

  3. 1. This textbook contains material on Ranch Dressing.
    Ranch Dressing is a liquid, not a statement of taste.
    Ranch Dressing should be approached with an open but cautious mind, critically appraised for what it is and then checked for hippies.

  4. If I remember correctly, gravity is a theory too. So does this mean I shouldn’t be surprise if I see the following?

    “This text book contains material on gravity. Gravity is a theory, not fact, regarding the reason people are stuck on earth. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered.”

  5. This one would go nicely inside the front covers of Gideon bibles in Georgia hotel rooms:

    This bible contains material on creationism. Creationism is a theory, not a fact, regarding the existence of God and his involvment in origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered. Or you could check out the pay-per-view porn on TV instead.

  6. This country contains several kinds of morons who should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, critically considered, kindly tapped on the head and tut-tut-ed to.
    It is a theory that they have brains, although several have been spotted (around Davezilla) with above average brain capacity.

  7. WARNING: This textbook contains material on narcotics, hallucinogens, amphetamines, and other drugs which may make you feel very small, as large as approx. ten feet tall, and make all logic and proportion fall sloppy dead. (Though an educated man, the author, one Mr. Lewis Carroll, was known to be quite the crazy Brit.) Drug abuse and their effects such as hallucinations are a theory, not a fact. There really are no such things as “hookah smoking caterpillars,” nor will a Red Queen threaten to off your head. That is called post-Cold War paranoia. It is never a good idea to abuse drugs in the first place, let alone for children to do so. If you or somebody you know does abuse drugs after reading this book, please contact a physician immediately. A good source for recovery is Narcotics Anonymous, which can be found at http://www.na.org. If you encounter a Mad Hatter while having tea at an NA meeting and he teases you with riddles, pay no mind to him … he’s been eating hallucinogenic (or “magic”) mushrooms for waaaay too long. The material in this book should be studied and taken with the pills that mother gave you (your perscriptions) only, which may seem like they “don’t do anything at all,” but that is only because they take a while to kick in, sometimes as long as a month or more.

    Enjoy reading and feeding your head.

    Sincerely,
    Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane

    😛

    “All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

    “Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thought Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in all my life!”

    :kiss:

  8. In REALITY the bible should be labeled as a work of FICTION.

    Where the hell is the proof that God really exists?

    We’ve never found a fossilised God or even a Satan skeleton ever….someone did find a Mary and Jesus shaped pork rind once though, but there’s hardly proof in that.

    Ever heard a judge say that the case he is involved in could hinge on a lookalike potato chip or a peanut with a face on?

    No.

    Me neither.

    Personally I think the whole “Bible” thing was just a sales brochure for Joseph, for example.

    “Don’t remove the splinter from your brothers eye, until you remove the plank from your own.”

    They missed out “Just call Joseph for all your carpentry needs!”

    Speaking of Narnia, I went to a book sale yesterday, offering a third off all books.

    I bought “The Lion, The Witch”

    😕

  9. I hate to be a spoilsport but the Narnia books are a christian metaphor not a pagan one. Aslan sacrificed on the stone table and then resurrected?
    C. S. Lewis was one of the foremost theologians of his day and the faun thing? Well like all British scholars of his day Lewis had a classical education and fauns are greek.

  10. Still, all in all, they were all bloody good stories when I was but a lad. Many happy days were spent reading those books.
    😆

  11. Dear Matthew,

    I feel that I must correct your statement concerning the fact that C. S Lewis was a Christian.

    The writer in question was actually a member of the infamous “Hellfire Club” in High Wycombe.

    Furthermore, if you rearrange the letters in the writers name and take away the “W”.

    You get “Slices”……

    How demonic is that?

    I rest my case.

    😕

    P.S Your name incidentally spells, “Wet Math”

    Your not a scuba diving math teacher are you?

  12. This textbook contains material on fiction, which is in fact non fictional. Please keep an open mind when reading the fictional part, but NOT the non-fictional part. The fictional part may be confused as the non-fictional part due to scientists not truly understanding the boundaries of fiction and non-fiction. This statement is non- fictional although it may be perceived by others as fictional who strongly believe that it is fictional in a non-fictional manner. Please study this wisely and critically consider whether the fictional section is the non-fictional and vice versa. This book should be filed in the non-fictional section unless perceived as fiction.

    😕

  13. This textbook contains material on textbooks. Textbooks contain theory and are theoretically places to find theory. Due to scientists not truly understanding all theory, please study the material inside with caution as some of the theories within, are in fact, biased to relative theories elsewhere.
    As theory is a non- tangible evolution to practical and therefore does not exist, the book does not exist either.
    In fact you are holding nothing and due to this, the textbook, although in theory, could be read, in practice can’t and should be returned in a practical sense.

    I hope this clarifies the situation, although you are technically not reading this label, as it is on a book, that only exists in theory.

    😕

  14. Dave:

    Usually I agree with your posts and rants.

    Not this time. I had no idea you were intolerant about such things.

    Man’s search for his origins has always included beliefs in what he cannot see.

    Evolution, (all 76 versions of it) is also a belief that has some observations we have found to be true over time.

    There is nothing in the Bible that is not also based on the same kinds of observations that have been found to be true over time.

    Fact is, neither of these can be ‘proved’ scientifically beyond a shadow of a doubt, which is why they are both belief systems.

    IOW, it takes as much ‘faith’ to believe in evolution as it does to believe in a Creator.

    In fact, it takes more courage to believe in evolution than it does to believe in a Creator. Evolutionists must also believe that there is nothing beyond this life, and once it is ended, there is non-existence. No hope, no future, no real reason to have any morals here at all in this life, since none of it will matter once we are gone, right?

    Please allow those of us who practice critical thought, and who believe in a Creator, to have our beliefs, and to fight for the right to express those beliefs. I thought that was still allowed in America, or has our right of free speech been revoked?

    You are welcome to view my site. You won’t find anything there about this argument concerning evolution verses creation. But you will find some interesting things concerning critical thought, tolerance and freedom.

    Regards,
    Roger Born
    writing.borngraphics.com

  15. Dear Roger,

    Although I have understood and have absorbed what you are saying, I am afraid that I can only refute your theory as “limited”.
    All this talk of free speech coupled with the statement that all evolutionists MUST believe there is no after life.

    How flawed.

    Sadly your own belief has clouded your mind into thinking that if I do not acknowledge God, there can be no afterlife.
    I must therefore not believe that there is such a place, to comfortably fit into your passive stereotype of an evolutionist.

    As for no proof, I must dispel your theory further, as evolution has not only left us relics, but also helped us to identify DNA, the very building blocks of life. Which incidentally most religious people think is wrong and somehow interfering with “God’s Plan”, almost akin to when they went witch hunting in the Dark Ages!

    The presence of God however relies totally on blind faith as to date…..there is no tangible proof. If I could create such a following for my theory that a “Great Potato In The Sky” made us all I would at least have an equivocal to your own beliefs, but sadly no proof.

    I truly think that Dave is trying to make the point that faith and religion should be personal choices and do not necessarily mean that EVERYONE must acknowledge or be converted in any way, shape or form.

    😕

  16. OK, what you people fail to realize is:

    1) Evolution IS a theory

    2) Georgia is the BUCKLE of the bible belt

    3) All other stickers created by you guys aren’t taught in public schools

    4) Georgia is a state full of Sunday Morning Christians and pot stirrers! Give them something to fight about and they’re happy! It’s when you have a CONSENSUS that we’re ALL in trouble!

    And don’t take their STARS AND BARS flag away! They’ll start stickering EVERYTHING!!! :wtf:

  17. This Weblog contains materials of questionable nature, being both theoretical and based on real life experiences. It should not be taken as GOD’s own word, but rather as the Word of the Destroyer of Memes (DAVEZILLA). Although all freaks presented in this Weblog are real and live within kilometers of the Hellmouth (Royal Oak, Michigan), they should not be regarded as Children of the One True God. Screwtape was a minor Demon. Your mileage may vary. Not valid in the Province of Quebec. Use proper protective clothing when visiting this web page. Fold, bend back and peel off. Void where prohibited. My brain hurts.

  18. This website contains tomfoolery and monkeyshines. Tomfoolery and monkeyshines are theories and should not be taken seriously. The author of this site, Mr. David Zilla, is not easily offended and any attempts to do so would be a waste of time. The theories of tomfoolery and monkeyshinery are not intended to offend, nor cause very long debates in the comments of the posts regarding the content of the website, especially if they involve debates about actual, named theories, like Darwin’s Theory of Evolution. While an interesting topic to debate, this website is primarily focused on the said theories of tomfoolery, monkeyshinery, and also those theories of farce and asshattery. If you are offended by those theories or the sense of humour of the author, perhaps it is in your best interest to not read this website. It is in the interest of the rest of the readers of the site that you please refrain from raining on our parade of funny ha-ha and if you have any complaints, please contact the author himself. His e-mail address is listed in the left column, under “contact.”

    Thank you.

    :geek:

  19. Yeah…whatever she just said.

    No more long pointless comments that don’t actually add to the debate, but just enforce non commital jargon and “buzzwords” type culture.

    Oh and I don’t like the crusts on my bread……so don’t do it okay!

    I’ll just walk in and say “I’m not going to jail for you….or ANYBODY!”

    Erm…..err….Yeah…So don’t.

    :wtf:

  20. Warning: Just because scientists have found fossilized bones of apes humans that once proclaimed themselves “Creationists,” doesn’t discount the fact that unicorns did roam among humanity. Often, unicorn bones disperse to dust once the horse is wounded by a mortal blow, so their bones can’t be found, just the horn, but this doesn’t mean Darwinists are correct in defending a 19th Century scientist that looked more ape-like than your average man.

    Not all hominids are equal, just like not all horses are unicorns. The world would be boring if it was. Dinosaurs were put here to test us only to the point if we could discern them from sly dragons, (which are profoundly Satanic). Dragons are not T-rex’s feeding on the blood of the last unicorn carrying a Darwinistic scientist from point A to point Zebra, however. Dragons are Satanic because they is the Seven-headed beast of the Apocalypse! 😈

    While Unicorns (Glory Be!) are fluffy angels of humanity, wanting to gallop to our bubble bath troubles and take us out to Dairy Queen. Ice cream is truly the answer to all of humanity’s troubles. Ice cream and unicorns.

    It’s cool to be Wiccan, but not a Creationist nowadays. :mrgreen: Wicca is Pantheistic with sprinkles on top. Why do you think they call them fudge Sundays? Everyone knows the Sabbath is Friday sunset to Saturday dusk and you can’t eat banana splits. Sunday is for Mithra worship and unicorns and the ice cream I’ve previously mentioned.

  21. The sarchasm is wide…

    Like potato crisps, some are not as thick as others.

    I thought the whole topic was brilliant! satire done in a tasteful way.

    Tasteful as in ranch dressing?

    That is a pun.

    That is all.

    😀

  22. A scientific theory is not a superstition, nor it is a guess, neither is it unproven. In science, hypothesis refers to an unproven theory.
    Here is a good explanation of that

    CHEAP DATE, Gravity isn’t taught in Georgia public schools???

    TO ROGER BORN, I cannot believe YOU are so intolerant.
    My spirituality & faith has NO conflict with science. None whatsoever.
    I have to wonder why others get confused & conflicted. Perhaps their faith isn’t so real after all.

    And I also have the utmost faith, that there is no way for anyone to “debunk” science with superstition. It’s not honest or logical.

    Proverbs 12:19
    “Truth stands the test of time, lies are soon exposed.”

    Historically, religious organizations’ attempts to suppress or even violently subdue scientists, have always failed over time.

    I have faith that the truth will endure.

    But of course, disbelieve science, if you like, anyone is free to do so.

    But just because I don’t believe in credit cards, doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

    I liked Kenn’s hotel bibles warning label the best. 😉 If all’s fair, they should do that! haha.

Comments are closed.