Air Travel Probability

  1. At the exact moment you choose to use the airplane lavatory, the fasten seat belt light will come on
  2. The size of the persons on either side of you are directly proportional to the amount of claustrophobia you exhibit
  3. The more sleep deprived you are, the more the person next to you will talk (loudly) about themselves, eat loudly or make rude bodily noises
  4. The last douchebag on the plane will be the first one to scream that he needs to exit the plane now
  5. Aviophobia sufferers (fear of flying) are the sole cause of plane turbulence
  6. The more engrossing your book is, the louder a baby will cry behind you
  7. The hungrier you are, the higher the probability is that the flight will not have food service
  8. The hotter the flight attendant, the more likely it is they will be working the other section of the plane
  9. The tighter your connecting flight times are, the later your first flight will be
  10. The weaker the air vents, the worse the person next to you will stink

Which ones did I miss? Tell us which ones you know.

15 Replies to “Air Travel Probability”

  1. L.A. to Chicago – The feral brat in the lap of the woman next to me kicks my “tray table” and knocks a full glass of beer in my lap at the beginning of the sold out flight. He’s a screamer, but finally goes to sleep. Unfortunately, he is bowels also relax and I’m treated to the worst smelling farts you can imagine the rest of the trip. That is until we start the descent and he starts screaming again. At least the crotch my Levis were almost dry by the time we touched down.

  2. [quote comment=”633199″]L.A. to Chicago – The feral brat in the lap of the woman next to me kicks my “tray table” and knocks a full glass of beer in my lap at the beginning of the sold out flight. He’s a screamer, but finally goes to sleep. Unfortunately, he is bowels also relax and I’m treated to the worst smelling farts you can imagine the rest of the trip. That is until we start the descent and he starts screaming again. At least the crotch my Levis were almost dry by the time we touched down.[/quote]
    /cries/ 😕

  3. The duration of the flight is directly proportional to obnoxiousness of the passengers.
    In other words. The longer the flight, the more assholes you are surrounded by.

    Why don’t they have seat belts in the lavlavatory? That sign always comes on just as I sit down to do something I have needed to do since departure.

  4. the only time you get a lot of turblence is when you sit down on the crapper aafter lining up for 20 minutes
    woman beside you pukes all over her seat and the attendant moves her to 1st class
    shoe horned into a seat and the fat pr**k travel agent gets 2 seats
    if they deign to give you a hot snack they dole them out like they are giving you gold and when you open it up you discover a pizza thats been in the box upside down

  5. The more sleep-deprived you are, the harder the toddler behind you will kick your seat.

    The harder the toddler behind you kicks your seat, the more likely you are to stuff the SkyMall catalog down his/her left eye socket.

  6. On one side of me the screaming snot nosed kid w/the apologizing mother and the other side the sneezing apologizing creepy man :puke:

  7. The longer you wait for your plane to land, greater the probability of observing the plane’s engines turn to rotors. (In short, the longer you wait, the longer it lasts ;))

  8. The longer the international flight, the longer the hike to customs.
    The closer the connecting flight time during your international travel, the longer the lines to get through customs and immigration.
    The more bags you have from your international flight, the more likely customs will want to inspect your belongings.

  9. the longer the flight the bigger the chance you get sat next to mister big shot hot tub salesman the perv who “just wants to buy you a drink”

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