The Bruise Fairy

The Bruise FairyOn Saturday, Natalie woke up with a sizable bruise on her inner thigh. I know. I thought the same thing. No. It was one of those phantom bruises that appear on the female anatomy without any discernable cause.

Spontaneous Generation? Hardly. There is a much simpler and far more scientific explanation. The Bruise Fairy. He appears at night, lifts up the covers and, after ogling you a bit, gives your thighs, arms and bum and long hard pinch or three. No woman is safe from his oversized grip and famed left hook.

Does anyone else have any Bruise Fairytales to share?

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25 Replies to “The Bruise Fairy”

  1. As I type this, I currently have 2-3 small bruises on my lower left thigh. I also have a couple on my right, along with a rather large one, close to my knee. The big one can most likely be attributed to a battle with my luggage on Wednesday. The others, I wish I could blame on naked people fun. However, they showed up a couple of days ago, with me having done nothing but sleep, maybe work, eat, and watch ‘Deadwood’ and ‘X-Files’ since last Thursday.

    The Bruise Fairy is a regular around here.:evil:

  2. And all along I’ve been blaming those bruises on my husband’s bony hips… :wang:

  3. No bruise fairy here – thank goodness – but damn, your caricature rocks. I’d cover his scrawny crotch, though. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    :boxers:

  4. As my nickname in life, not net is Bruiser I can only say…

    T’was not moi!

    Plus I’m not bony, more curvascous thanks very much.

    Clever idea though and great cartoon.

    ๐Ÿ˜€

  5. The bruise fairies (or Blue Fey as they call themselves as a whole) exist in seven hierarchies, from most powerful bruising to minor scrapes, these are:

    Purplish Pucks ๐Ÿ˜•
    The Knucklim ๐Ÿ‘ฟ
    Slap Fairies :wtf:
    The Yellowael ๐Ÿ˜ก
    Funnybone Fey :wang:
    BugaBoo-Boos ๐Ÿ˜
    The Frogger Fairies ๐Ÿ™

    The best way to insure no bruising in the midst of sleep is to leave a bowl of bread pudding in your room–but it must be cooked with ambiguous love, and then cooled to room temperature and left on the sill. The Blue Fey often pull the tails of cats.

  6. OMG….Lace Valentine ROCKS!

    Being gay, I wish the straight world would stop blaming all these destructive behaviors on fairies! ๐Ÿ˜›

  7. BTW, the Bruise Faery seems to have a liking for my right arm. Two small yellow ones. ๐Ÿ™

  8. Damn, I need some of them Slap Fairies here at work!

    Does it have to be bread pudding, Lace? Will mini Butterfinger Crisps do?

  9. No stories about the bruise fairy, but I have had some experiences with the Damn-My-Back-is-Scratched Sprite and the Lipstick-on-my-collar Gnome, both of which have existed in my family for years, starting with my Dad.

  10. I’m pretty once you turn 30 pimples are brought by some sort of fictional winged something good or bad. Bad methinks as everytime i manage to get a job interview I get a HUGE one in the smack middle of my chin, forehead, bridge of my nose.. BIG PIMPLE! :boobs: yeah about that big…

  11. Okay, so you’ve found the Bruise Fairy. Now who’s the bastard who keeps unbuttoning my nightgown in the middle of the night? The TittySniffler? The BoobyDrooler? The KnockerNuzzler?

    What? You say it’s my horny husband?

    You don’t say!

    Okay, well…..nevermind.

  12. That last comment was not anonymous at all! I am TINAMARIE, slut queen of my cul-de-sac! Behold my smut and adore me!

    That is all.

  13. Here in the Nether Lands we have these shin bruises …. must be from the clogg-fairy …. when he tries to jump up and grab the :boobs::boobs:
    I suffer from “I will try to hump you any way I can”-dogs bruises.
    (I feel a need to explain. I walk with my dogs in the woods close to my house. And there are alot of friendly dogs walking around too, who love to jump up against you. NOOO, I don’t have kinky sex!! well … not THAT kinky)

  14. Now whoรขโ‚ฌโ„ขs the bastard who keeps unbuttoning my nightgown in the middle of the night?
    Sorry, that was me. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

  15. The bruise fairy is always picking on me, but this weekend he went TOO FAR and gave me an enormous cut on my arm too, that looks like I’ve tried to amputate it and failed. Why?! Where did it come from? Who knows…:undies:

  16. :boobs:
    thats where mine is right now!! Now I know who to blame, instead of a certain someone who shall remain nameless ๐Ÿ˜†

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