Idiots Guide to Prayer

Spotted at a WalMart in Toronto by Rannie

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Show 31 Comments


  1. Drusky

    First! Whoo Hoo!

    Right next to it was “The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Sin”. Discover how sin makes God unhappy by connecting you to yourself…

  2. Chris S.

    It’s about time! For all these years all my prayers have been going to some guy named Jared in New Jersey. THANK YOU COMPLETE IDIOTS! 🙂

  3. junkman

    is there anything other than a complete idiot engaging in this sort of activity?
    step 1: listen to the voices in your head? do they speak the same language you do? no shit dummy. you may proceed to step 2.
    step 2: identify the voice that you think is not yours. it is probably the one that makes you feel bad. or if you obey it and tell others what to do it makes them feel bad. you stupid dummy!
    step 3: begin having a conversation with it and ask it for things that you believe are beyond your power you big dummy.
    step 4: make important life decisions based on any feedback you get from the voice and pretend that it was god’s will dumbo.
    step 5: tell other dummies how powerful this experience is and coerce them into a group that supports each of them to repeat steps 1 through 4 forever until they die. please note all voices stop at this point dum head. :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead: :dead:

  4. This book was sponsored by the Leafs.

    Of course, it doesn’t work

  5. Dear… um, God is it? Or some guy named Budda? 😕

  6. As a Buddhist I always wonder what Christian really pray about.

  7. chainstay

    Dear God. ……um what do I do next..Lesee p. 28..oh yeah.. thank you for…hmmm? go to P. 32…OK got it. Thank you for all that you have.. you have? What the fuck, look in appendex, e,f,G! Here it is God P. 1-156. Start over.

  8. Jay Laverdure

    If I may quote a De-Motivational poster I saw just recently:

    “The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master,
    so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree… yeah, makes perfect sense…”

    I guess if you accept the above premises as the basis of your “faith”,
    you just may really NEED The Idiot’s Guide to Prayer…

  9. Do they have a braile copy for those who follow blindly?

  10. My favorite prayers

    Nearer my lord to thee, if you give me numbers for the lottery

    Lordy, Lordy I could use another 40 (40 oz beer)

    Other observations:
    Mormon and Moron – awfully close to be a coinsidence
    Do Scientologist just text it in now?

  11. On of my favorite prayers is the Parking Prayer.

    Hail Mary, Full of Grace. Help me find a Parking Space.

  12. [Comment ID #233196 will appear here]

    I say that one every day.

  13. Prayer doesn’t work. If it did, we’d have a nekkid zillagirls site by now.

  14. [Comment ID #233235 will appear here]

    Amen, brother!

    Or a Travelling Zillagirls “Revival” Show???

  15. Spud

    [Comment ID #233106 will appear here]
    Ha, that was great Chris. :wtf:
    [Comment ID #233151 will appear here]
    Okay, that is spookily accurate…

  16. Flash Gordon

    AnnieB—ref: where have I been? I’ve been under the weather and couldn’t get
    to my computer (don’t have a laptop) because I have to keep it out in the privy. I’ve
    missed you too, hon. :java: :kiss: :kiss:

    BTW, does anyone have a copy of Levitation For Idiots? It’s out of print and my copy
    floated off. :wtf: :wang: :thong:

  17. “Dear Lord, please keep your arm over my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.”

    Or the Janis Joplin versions,

    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me
    A Mercedes Benz ?
    My friends all drive Porsches
    I must make amends.
    Worked hard all my lifetime
    No help from my friends,
    So Oh! Lord!, won’t you buy me
    A Mercedes Benz ?

    Oh Lord, won’t you buy me
    A color TV ?

    Next thing we’ll be seeing the Girls Scouts selling ‘The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Kiddie Porn’ along with Girl Scout Cookies. Or maybe the bell ringers for the Salvation Army will sell The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Living Homeless in Urban Areas. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Marital Serenity According to Britney Spears, and The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Buying HD DVD players should do well in certain markets. Or maybe something along the lines of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Dating and Parenting While Under The Influence.

  18. [Comment ID #233178 will appear here]

    But really, if you were meant to know how to pray in the first place, God would have already given you the ability to. So why would you need a book? lol

  19. [Comment ID #233296 will appear here]

    Sorry Flash but the topic of floaters was covered yesterday.

  20. JB

    [Comment ID #233111 will appear here]

    You forgot a couple sub-steps…

    1a. make a donation
    2a. make a donation
    3a. make a donation
    4a. make a donation
    5a. make a donation and encourage others to do the same

  21. Chris S.

    [Comment ID #233178 will appear here]

    Nice one Pablo.

    Just when you thought you saw it all they come out with a new Idiot’s Guide.
    There are so many of these guides out there I wonder if they sell a reference book for them all. You only get one guess at what the title would be.

  22. There is already a complete idiot’s guide to prayer. It starts, “Lord, teach us to pray.” And then the teacher says, “Our Father Who art in Heaven…”

    Prayer is tougher than you might think.

  23. chainstay

    Re, The Elmo thing. Several years ago a family had a “Potty Training Elmo.” This Elmo said things such as, “Do you want to Potty?” For some reason Elmo started saying, “Do you want to die?” They also got an apology and a new Elmo. Some programer somewhere is having fun.

  24. CATS

    :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: 😳 😳 :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: :java:
    I just love my wang, I need some wang, here wang, here wang, now where are you wang?
    For real about this book and you all’s beliefs…WOW…REALLY ONE “BF” WOW. Where the heck was I getting wanged when all of this was going on? But really, all kidding put aside…did I miss much?…

  25. CATS

    :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss: 😳 😳 😳 :mrgreen:

    Does anyone ever for real read these comments or is this a put on?
    Some friendships pause and peter out,
    Some friendships perish never.
    But, peter in,
    Or peter out.
    You are my friends forever!!!

  26. CATS

    [Comment ID #233098 will appear here]

    right on….dude!!!

  27. [Comment ID #233888 will appear here]

    I’ll say a prayer for you, dude.

  28. [Comment ID #233106 will appear here]

    Hey Chris! I saw Jared just the other night (at a DEVIL’S game, what’s up with that?) and he says to say hi.

    He is doing fine, and Sonia sends her best, but he said to say that you are behind with that whole tithing thing, and if you could go ahead and get a check in the mail, that would be great.

    Wanna grab a slice sometime?

  29. Prayer connects myself to uh… er… myself?

  30. Anthrax

    You’ll be praying for sure when you find out how much you paid for this book, you idiot. 😕

Comments are closed