2009 New Years Resolutions

As has been the custom on this site since 1994, I am posting my New Years Resolutions. I try to make mine easily attainable so I don’t get down on myself midway through the year.

  1. I resolve not to accept a Sloppy Joe from a Maori Cannibal
  2. I resolve not to incite our distant cousinsโ€”the Langursโ€”into an all-out revolt against their human overlords
  3. I resolve not to invent a beer called Stupid Douchebags Enjoying Time Off With Their Relatives
  4. I resolve not to watch any shows starring Howie Mandel, Rachel Ray or Abe Vigoda
  5. I resolve not to dress and act like a Drum Major in front of potential clients
  6. I resolve not to get a Tay Zonday tattoo
  7. I resolve not to dress like my pets
  8. I resolve not to grow vestigial limbs on my body
  9. I resolve to post more often in 2009 (for reals)
  10. What are your New Years Resolutions?

23 Replies to “2009 New Years Resolutions”

  1. I resolve to read Davezilla more often, check my emails, and not bitch slap stupid people who really irritate me or cut me off in traffic. ๐Ÿ˜†

  2. I resolve to try to stay out of the funny farm where everything is beautiful.
    I also resolve to try not to provoke AnnieB about her menagerie of relatives; hey, babe,
    it’s 8:15 EST, are you well on the way to being wasted yet?. Happy frigging
    New Year ! :wang: :kiss: :love: :dead: :wtf:

  3. I resolve not to slap the taste out of the mouths of people who prove their ignorance by trying to look important in the Starbucks line.

    I will absolutely dress my pets in the most silliest of clothes, but dress my kids in sturdy, well made outfits that do not match in any way shape or form.

    I resolve to waste half my life on the internet, then the other half actually talking to REAL people who exist…. not just in my head.

    I will become a big deal on the internet….. and not for showing my boobs. That’s too easy. :boob: :boob:

    I resolve to keep a g/f this year. I love the sausage… but sometimes you just need some taco,…….. ya know??

  4. [quote comment=”593076″]I resolve to keep a g/f this year. I love the sausage… but sometimes you just need some taco,…….. ya know??[/quote]

    I agree. But we need photographic evidence. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  5. What do you have against Abe Vigoda? The man is an icon; nay, he is like a god! Right up there with Chuck Norris!

    I resolve to point out other perople’s flaws so that they may better themselves.

  6. I make no promises.
    I may blow something up.
    I may not.
    I urge politicians to donate a nuclear warhead to every person who would like one.
    I may dig a large bunker.
    I may not.
    I may get a clue this year.
    I may not.

    :geek:

  7. [quote comment=”593676″]I resolve to encourage everyone to give up their silly new year resolutions for Lent.[/quote]
    lol, I am with you on this one…if all else fails…claim that you were saving it for Lent. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  8. [quote comment=”593286″][quote comment=”593076″]I resolve to keep a g/f this year. I love the sausage… but sometimes you just need some taco,…….. ya know??[/quote]

    I agree. But we need photographic evidence. :twisted:[/quote]

    Did Dave really say he likes the sausage too? Hummm… :gay:

    Typo: It’s suposed to be the “pornographic evidence”. ๐Ÿ˜›

    Sorry Dave couldn’t let that one go. It’s done out of love.

  9. [quote comment=”593679″]
    Did Dave really say he likes the sausage too? Hummm… :gay:
    [/quote]
    No, I agreed that Nicolette should have a G/F and provide us with evidence. ๐Ÿ˜ˆ

  10. I resolve to continue to require being dragged kicking and screaming further into socially acceptable adulthood.

    Also to give up Lent.

  11. I resolve to be okay with Meagan walking around nude more often. I think we’ll need photographic/pornographic evidence so we can help boost her morale and self-esteem.

    I resolve to be VERY OKAY with Nicolette keeping a g/f because, yes I do know that sometimes we just need some taco. And, sweetie, unlike Dave, I’m not going to insist that we have photographic evidence. I will be quite content with lurid lusty details penned by your magnificent self. I’ll let my imagination do the rest and just say thanks.

  12. [quote comment=”592865″]I resolve to try to stay out of the funny farm where everything is beautiful.
    I also resolve to try not to provoke AnnieB about her menagerie of relatives; hey, babe,
    it’s 8:15 EST, are you well on the way to being wasted yet?. Happy frigging
    New Year ! :wang: :kiss: :love: :dead: :wtf:[/quote]

    Since you resolved to quit irritating me last year Flash I don’t give much credence to this year’s resolution but I appreciate the renewed effort nonetheless.

    Hey and HNY back at you babe! :kiss: :love:

    :wtf: I’m curious though why you’d WANT to stay out of the funny farm if everything is beautiful there…

    BTW, how are you feeling? Back to your (ab)normal self, I hope! ๐Ÿ˜›

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