Terms that annoy me for various reasons

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Things you probably should avoid doing at the border patrol booth

When asked if you have food to declare, ask if human remains count. Tell the patrol official to, "kindly hurry the fuck up." "No. You cannot look in my trunk. I just met you." As proof of ID, supply a pact with Satan written in blood. "I'll have a double cheeseburger and a large Coke." Recite your responses to the officials to the tune of the opera, Carmen. Pull out one passport randomly from a large stack of them and say, "My name is Bourne. Jason Bourne." "You didn't ask me what planet I was born on." "You know, you…

Don’t be a trobe

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Tribes: Over Smilers

I hate them. The Over Smilers. They ruin photos, frighten children and cause cows to dry up with their wan expressions and lipless grimaces. First introduced to the United States in the 1950s by the Dutch, they were inbred nearly to extinction in the area now known as Glamour Shots.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra…

Observation No. 1,036,997

I've decided I really like the U-Scans at the grocery store because they still card me for beer.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra…

Tribes: Coupon Clippers

Jason Macemore and I had lunch at a local Greek restaurant. When we left to pay, the woman in front of us was using one of those keyring discount cards. She must have had 70 different cards crushed on her keyring, like some grotesque, spiraling flower made of laminate and barcodes. This is a tribe. People who clip coupons, collect discount cards and apply for every type of discount known to man, even when it means shopping at a store they normally wouldn't, just to get the discount. Thoughts?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work…

Think twice America!

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Weepy

Did you ever own a toy or object that you swore was made by a mentally unstable person? Back when I still dyed my hair colors not known to nature (early 80s) I did a lot of shopping in resale stores and church rummage sales. At one particularly good rummage sale, I found a bin full of discarded dolls that might prove useful if dismembered and reassembled in some art experiment for school. My friend (another Dave) picked up a misshapen doll and quickly threw it back down, as if it had stung him. As soon as I saw it,…

Gang names we’d like to see

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the old Ductch oven

Dear Mistre Dave Zilla Long time no here. Whats up?? i have an idea for you one that will go down in th anals and anuses of history.!!! I have bad gas. this is no surpriase. Aslk my 3 GFs. They all complane about the farts and want too smakc me when i giev them the old Ductch oven.oI love to fart especailly at work.So her is my genious idea..We have geneticall shots that you can get to make yourself smaerter, prettyer etc. Whty not have ringtones in your ass tyhat you get genetically put in and then you can…

Moon BM? Moon Bum?

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Definition of an Asshole

A pink Hummer. Truly, this driver is in league with Satan.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample what is better viagra…