Tag: Observations
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And furthermore… Part I
I really need to take a camera with me every time I have coffee with my friend Liz. We see the best freaks. Tonight topped them. Ever go to a coffeehouse, it’s really crowded so you find an empty table with not enough chairs? Then you hunt around to see if anyone isn’t using all…
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Lamest Super-powers to have, Part II
I would like super powers. Nothing too fancy, mind you. Just minor abilities to get me through the week. The ability to see through chocolates to the fillings before taking a bite The ability to sense road construction in time to catch an alternate route The ability to psychically detect which cashier is the fastest…
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Last minute gift ideas
$38 bottled water Stretchmarks Mutant Kewpie Dolls Trouble Some hot new fashions, via Michelle Kwajafa A monobrow A Toilet Headrest, via the other Michelle Crow’s feet wrinkles A steel wool Christmas scultpture What last minute gift ideas do you have? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy…
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Worst ringtones ever
Car alarm going off Hyenas fighting over bones Blender full of silverware Angry baby Chiropractor adjusting a spine Dentist’s drill Nails on chalkboard Garbage disposal with a spoon in it Air horn Celine Dion What do you tihnk the worst ringtone would be? With suggestions from Natalie, Jason, Liz B. And Lynette R. viagra free…
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Words mangled by last night’s waitress
Syrah, pronounced as SWAH Merlot, pronounced as MYRHH-lit Edamame, pronounced as AH-nee-Mom-ee Sushi, pronounced as SOE-shee Soy sauce, pronounced as SWOY siss viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female…
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Worst “Secret Santa†gifts
Longtime reader Marcus recently told me of the worst “Secret Santa†gift he ever received: â€I once received a black beaded woman’s handbag. I guess they were thinking a woman would get the gift.†I have never had much luck one way or the other in those. I’ve only been in three. The first time…
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How you know you’ve been on Facebook too long
Your friends routinely throw sheep at you. You do not find this at all disturbing. You start dreaming your friends are all werewolves and you’re a vampire. You do not slayall of them as you need at least one to play Scrabulous with. You’ve groped, dry-humped, licked and trout-slapped 190 women that you’ve never met…
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Risky presents to give your in-laws
Lube Lifesize nude portrait of yourself and your spouse The Satanic Bible His and Hers Matching Thongs Black Velvet Oil Painting of a Clown Slash fiction about your inlaws The Collected Works of GG Allin Chocolate poop in a diaper What gifts do you think are risky? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra…
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How I spent my Friday
Every year, the Bell’s Brewery hosts Eccentric Day, a day long beer-tasting fest. Drinking begins promptly at 8:00 AM and ends really damn late (4 AM?). I can’t drink that long. Anyway, a stipulation of entering is dressing in costume. The group I went with came dressed as Friars. Cause you know, monks invented beer.…
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Dream bandit
Ever see movies where the hero goes through some wild adventure, wakes up and realizes it was all a dream, but miraculously has an object in their hand from the dream? This kept happening to me. I kept waking up with objects on my chest. This morning it was a shiny metal knob which I…
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Celebrity books that never saw print
Britney Spears Guide to Succesful Parenting Gene Simmons Golden Book of Celibacy Jokes to tell your grandmother, by Gilbert Godfrey Michael Jackon’s Makeup Secrets Rosie O’Donnell’s Art of Being a Lady An Illustrated History of Modesty by Paris Hilton Johnny Cash’s Guide to a More Colorful You Michael Vick’s Big Book of Pets Better English…
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Email chain that won’t die
Dear Dave Zilla, We are longtime fans of your website DAVEZILLA.COM!! Who are we? Good question. We are a large network of blogger enthusiasts who are partnering to form the largest ad network of bloggers. We only want the top bloggs — like DAVEZILLA.COM!! We want your sight to be one of ours. What do…
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