Note to Self, No. 6,990

The next time you grocery shop, look into purchasing actual food. While having 53 condiments is impressive, having something to put them on would be more impressive. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for […]

Your seed must leave your hand

Image via Ryan S., who took it on US-117 Business in Goldsboro, NC. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal […]

The Wong Way

I never win anything. My brother is the lucky one in the family. He got the Irish good looks and luck. He wins at football and casinos. I have to work for a living. So I was pleasantly surprised to hear that I had won an iPod! I’d been beta testing for Mister Wong, a […]

Davezilla’s Laws of Probability

The probability of spilling stainable liquid on yourself increases with the expense of the article of clothing Rainfall will be greatest when you are 1/2 way walking home. It will abruptly stop upon reaching home The shorter and looser a woman’s skirt is, the greater the chance for hurricane strength winds that day The later […]

The Claw

Our high school typing instructor was hot. She had a body like Bettie Page and wore ridiculously tight skirts and stiletto heels. Her one odd trait was her nails. As a typing instructor, she had to keep her nails trimmed, but she was all about long painted nails. She compromised by growing one nail to […]

How’s my driving? Part I

Identifying the arsehole driver in front of you. The Midwestern Bookworm: The Bookworm loves to read. Right now, she is in the fast lane in front of you, finishing the last chapter of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which is spread open across her steering wheel. Her emotional reactions to her reading material greatly […]

How to raise the national alcoholism rate of:

Canada: Bacon-flavoured beer Cuba: Black-bean Mojitos United States: Fast food-flavoured light beer Australia: Vegemite-flavoured beer England: Curry-flavored Pims Ireland: No need to raise it any further Sweden: Lutefisk vodka Nigeria: Yam shots Mexico: Pepper-flavoured tequila. Oh wait. They have that. Which ones did I miss? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does […]

She’s such a dog

Over the years, I have seen several marginally funny lists of why men are like dogs and women are like cats. I propose the opposite. Men are more like cats and women are more like dogs. I offer my reasons below. Please add any I missed (or disagree). Men are like cats because: When you […]

Her job?

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Follow the spiders? Why couldn’t it be follow the butterflies?

James B (who created this week’s poll) frightened me with a true story about tonsil stones. I have to admit, it was pretty gross. Look up pictures of them on Google Images if you doubt me. I simply had to get even. I told him about a German fellow who was recently killed and eaten […]

How’s my driving, Part II

Identifying more arsehole drivers in front of you. Texters: True story: Tuesday, I had to swerve to avoid a woman who almost ran me off the road. She was completely unaware of this. She was too busy texting on her cell phone. She was a large woman, and used her ponderous breasts to steer. Her […]

Is everything tasting OK?

Over the past few years, I’ve noticed a change in the patter of waitstaff. I only pay attention to these things because I was once a waiter, myself. Time was, a server would come by, a minute or so into the meal and ask, “How is everything?” A concise sentence. Nowadays, servers come when you […]

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