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Doesn't it seem like certain foods, fruits in particular, have a class association with them? Here's what I mean by that: Apples: A good, standard fruit, The working man's fruit. Apples appeal to the common man as well as to ideals, possibly owing to their dubious Biblical connections in Genesis. A damn fine fruit. Avacadoes: A total chick fruit. Avacadoes can only be eaten by males if hidden under the manly name "guacamole". Otherwise, this fruit just screams middle class estrogen. Bananas: The poor banana. Relegated to a lower class existence of crude, frat boy jokes and slapstick humor. Kumquats:…

In all likelihood, the BMW-owning yuppie fucktard that ordered this plate meant it to imply SLEEP WITH ME. But is that really what he meant? I can think of a few other translations and I'm sure you can, too. SLeeP WiTh MainE SLaP WhiTe MicE ScaLloPs With TiME Sea Lions Pay Willingly To Mount Emus What are your suggestions? Photo taken by the ever-vigilant Kenviagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra…

"Is that your wife? Does she know you've been sacked?" "Oh yeah, baby! Do it to me like you did in prison. That's it! Right there." "Hey, get off that phone! We got more work to do. This bank ain't gonna rob itself!" "Dude is that, my wife's lingerie you're wearing?" "Oh my God! You just peed on my carpet! What is wrong with you?" "Go ahead and call! This changes nothing! You're still going to jail." "Don't ignore me, you son of a bitch. Get off dat phone. Vinnie wants his money now!" "Hey! You're on in 5. Quit…

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Well, would ya look at that! Uh oh, that is not supposed to happen. Christ, better get out the book. Does this hurt? No? That doesn't hurt. You're kidding, I hit it with a hammer. Have the folks at Guinness Book of World Records been in touch? They probably have a section for … these sort of things Normally that wouldn't have claws or tendrils… I'd normally say I have bad news for you, but this is actually rather funny… We've been looking at your X-Rays and … well, we can't tell which side is up Well, we usually only…

It was Christmas Eve and I was five years old. Me: "Mom?" Mom: "Yes, honey?" Me: "This package says it's from Santa." Mom: "It is! What did you ask him for?" Me: "I don't know. But it looks like your writing." Mom: "Uhhh, yes he asked me to write it for him." Me: "Hmph." Christmas Day Me: "Mom?" Mom: "Yes, honey?" Me: "If this package is from Santa, how come it says Mattel on the box?" Mom: "…" Mom: "Look, just don't tell your sisters."viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra…

Dear Brits, It's been a while since we've spoken. You've been busy pontificating that your music is still relevant and we've been busy getting our ass kicked in a war we didn't vote for. I thought it might be time to clear up some things. Perhaps it's in poor taste to tell others you're Great Britain. This is much like calling yourself Super Sweden or Mexico Rawks! You see? Doesn't quite work. Try a more modest slogan. "Britain. 'Nuff said." You may have noticed we've been doing some editing to your language. There's no need to be embarrassed by your…

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Nikki: "I was too tired for movies last night. Allergies are kicking my ass."Me: "Why do allergies have to kick our ass? Why can't they lightly pinch it?"Nikki: "Seriously."Me: "Or grope it."Nikki: "Hehehehe."Me: "My allergies are really groping my ass. And it's kinda nice."

Every year in the Mongol Empire, circus performers from the Far East and would arrive to demonstrate feats of skill and daring and 1169 C.E. was no different. It was this year that a small girl-child named Temüjin would see the circus for the first time. While the tigers, elephants, camels and phoenixes were impressive enough to the young girl, it was the knife-throwing act that kept her spellbound, until an errant throw sent a knife hurtling in her direction. Without even thinking, she stood up, turned precisely 62° clockwise, and caught the blade expertly in her peg-like baby teeth.…