Last minute gift ideas

24 December, 2007Posted inObservations25 Comments
$38 bottled water Stretchmarks Mutant Kewpie Dolls Trouble Some hot new fashions, via Michelle Kwajafa A monobrow A Toilet Headrest, via the other Michelle Crow's feet wrinkles A steel wool Christmas scultpture What last minute gift ideas do you have? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra…

Worst ringtones ever

21 December, 2007Posted inObservations53 Comments
Car alarm going off Hyenas fighting over bones Blender full of silverware Angry baby Chiropractor adjusting a spine Dentist's drill Nails on chalkboard Garbage disposal with a spoon in it Air horn Celine Dion What do you tihnk the worst ringtone would be? With suggestions from Natalie, Jason, Liz B. And Lynette R.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic…

Words mangled by last night’s waitress

18 December, 2007Posted inObservations38 Comments
Syrah, pronounced as SWAH Merlot, pronounced as MYRHH-lit Edamame, pronounced as AH-nee-Mom-ee Sushi, pronounced as SOE-shee Soy sauce, pronounced as SWOY siss viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra…

Worst “Secret Santa” gifts

14 December, 2007Posted inObservations25 Comments
Longtime reader Marcus recently told me of the worst “Secret Santa” gift he ever received: ”I once received a black beaded woman's handbag. I guess they were thinking a woman would get the gift.” I have never had much luck one way or the other in those. I’ve only been in three. The first time I participated in one, the spending limit was US$25, which I generously exceeded. In return, I got a pack of gum. In the other two, I was somehow forgotten and went home empty-handed. What’s the worst Secret Santa gift you’ve ever received? Link of the…

How you know you’ve been on Facebook too long

11 December, 2007Posted inObservations47 Comments
Your friends routinely throw sheep at you. You do not find this at all disturbing. You start dreaming your friends are all werewolves and you’re a vampire. You do not slayall of them as you need at least one to play Scrabulous with. You’ve groped, dry-humped, licked and trout-slapped 190 women that you’ve never met in person. Your Facebook profile has more apps than your computer does. The majority of the text messages you receive are friends’ status updates. Apologies for the 14 lost comments. Had a database bork on this post. Had to delete it. Sorry!viagra free viagra buy…

Risky presents to give your in-laws

10 December, 2007Posted inObservations39 Comments
Lube Lifesize nude portrait of yourself and your spouse The Satanic Bible His and Hers Matching Thongs Black Velvet Oil Painting of a Clown Slash fiction about your inlaws The Collected Works of GG Allin Chocolate poop in a diaper What gifts do you think are risky? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free…

How I spent my Friday

08 December, 2007Posted inObservations28 Comments
Every year, the Bell's Brewery hosts Eccentric Day, a day long beer-tasting fest. Drinking begins promptly at 8:00 AM and ends really damn late (4 AM?). I can't drink that long. Anyway, a stipulation of entering is dressing in costume. The group I went with came dressed as Friars. Cause you know, monks invented beer. UPDATE: Pictures for Eccentric Day on Flickr. viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra…

Dream bandit

04 December, 2007Posted inObservations29 Comments
Ever see movies where the hero goes through some wild adventure, wakes up and realizes it was all a dream, but miraculously has an object in their hand from the dream? This kept happening to me. I kept waking up with objects on my chest. This morning it was a shiny metal knob which I identified as belonging to the bathroom drain. My kitten, who fetches like a dog, knocked it loose and brought it to me. She's the culprit.

Celebrity books that never saw print

29 November, 2007Posted inObservations41 Comments
Britney Spears Guide to Succesful Parenting Gene Simmons Golden Book of Celibacy Jokes to tell your grandmother, by Gilbert Godfrey Michael Jackon’s Makeup Secrets Rosie O’Donnell’s Art of Being a Lady An Illustrated History of Modesty by Paris Hilton Johnny Cash’s Guide to a More Colorful You Michael Vick’s Big Book of Pets Better English in 30 Days with Flavor Flav Shane McGowan’s Secrets to a Beautiful Smile Your turn. What books did I miss?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online…

Email chain that won’t die

26 November, 2007Posted inObservations31 Comments
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Lamest Super-powers to have

25 November, 2007Posted inObservations35 Comments
The ability to remove the fizz from all carbonated beverages in a two mile radius The ability to destroy two evils that have plagued mankind for ages: soap scum and dust bunnies A duo with the ability to turn themselves into a tasteful pair of Pottery Barn book ends The ability to warp time such that all watches and clocks end up set to the wrong time zone The ability to lower cholesterol to a healtheir, more manageable level The ability to shred cheese with a single touch The ability to make any piece toast stale on command The ability…

Complete this sentence, #39

22 November, 2007Posted inObservations36 Comments
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