Category: Observations
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Why God, why?
Someone, somewhere though that adding LEDs to slippers was a bright idea (pun intended). I don’t care. I really don’t. I won’t buy them, and I reserve the right to laugh openly at those who do. Here’s my issue. It’s billed as, “the perfect gift for any occasion”. Any occasion? Seriously, if your neighbor just…
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Complete this sentence #25
The children ________ in the playground. Ms. Bromley loves to ________.
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Names that damn children
Let’s face it. Some names damn children to a life of teasing. For instance: Jasper [M] = “Please don’t beat me up. Again.” Dawn [F] = “After I make the cheerleading squad, I’m joining Up with People.” Wilbur [M] = “Earn extra money doing cartoon voices. Hmm.” Cheyenne [F] = “Mom? Guess what? I just…
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Things I don’t understand:
Why coffee isn’t an essential food group. Why all sitcom fathers are bumbling idiots. Why on commercials, when a family sits down for dinner, everyone nods in unison. Why talentless mouthbreathers like Paulie Shore, Carrot Top, Jessica Simpson and Starr Jones continue to get contracts to be in front of a camera. Why most of…
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Ruminations
Anyone who has ever been in a a car with a woman for more than five miles knows one immutable fact: they have to pee already. They went while getting ready to leave. Right as you held the door open for them, they ran back in to pee once more. Now that you have been…
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Cougar, redefined
After my recent post about cougars, many of you demanded to see examples. Flickr to the rescue. This woman is easily the best example of a cougar I’ve ever seen.
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True story
Earlier this week my 19 year-old brother was laying in his bedroom trying to take an afternoon nap. He heard the front door open to the apartment. He figured our dad had gotten off work early. He hears the fridge open and close and then he hears someone in the bathroom. Then suddenly he hears…
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Overheard: Insane neighbors edition
Cougar: “You didn’t use the ice from the green tray, did you? Boyfriend: “Yes … why?” Cougar: “That ice is stale! It’s been in the freezer for months.” Boyfriend: “How can ice go stale? It’s frozen water.” Cougar: “Well, I say it can!” [Definition of Cougar]
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In the news
I was reading in the news that Britney Spears finally pushed out a puppy. Preston Michael Spears. I fear for this child having the initials “PMS”, while his mother’s are “BS”.
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More things that sound dirty, but aren’t
Draining his pasta Cleaning her lint trap Rearranging her bookshelves Checking her fluid levels Soaking the dentures Uncorked her champagne Filing her taxes Grinding the beans Polishing the boots Licking her stamp collection Winding her clock Counting her rosary beads Sending out the invitations Flipping her hotcakes Burning his CD Waxing her hood Blowing out…
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