Still Alive

I haven't forgotten about you, dear readers and I have several post ideas and tons of photos. I've just been traveling so much for work that I never get a free moment to blog. I also have more travel Monday and Tuesday, so please don't rob me.

Things I Learned from Movies, Police Chiefs

All police chiefs are balding, pudgy, African-American mustachioed men, 50 years-old with hair-trigger tempers. Police Chiefs are magical creatures that can only be summoned into one of three sacred shrines: a detective’s office, behind the interrogation glass, and the office water cooler. They have not homes, nor spouses nor lives outside of the force. Appease them with offerings of stale donuts and old coffee. Police Chiefs don a mandatory wardrobe consisting of black trousers and a white, striped dress shirt with one silver pen in the pocket and a black necktie. There are no exceptions to this rule. Police Chiefs…

More People We Can Safely Dislike #21

The person(s) responsible for the musical selections playing ambiently in malls Indecisive lane-riders People who buy 398 items, freak out at the total, then force the cashier to remove each item one at a time until they can afford it Ann Coulter (always) Those who doubt the awesomeness of Kenny Powers People who cannot stop talking about American Idol Neighbors who mow the lawn at 4AM Hacks who blame their bad behavior on their "artistic temperament" Men who wear sweat pants with sport coats to restaurants. Just stop it. People who read me their poetry when I didn't ask Who…

Overheard

Girl 1: "I said 'Ew!' Like 'Oh!' with an accent." Girl 2: "Oh." Girl 1: "Yeah, but 'ew'." [slight pause as they look at boy on street] Girl 1: "So I lost my panties at Jane's but I bought some new ones. So it's OK." Girl 2: "You did?" Girl 1: "OK, so super cute. Yellow with blue. Like string bikinis. But…" Girl 1: "Oh fuck, I left those at Jane's too." Girl 2: "Aw." Girl 1: "Yeah." Both: "Ew!" Also:

How to Perplex Waitstaff

Last night, Chris Brogan, Amber Naslund, Lizz and myself were at one of those social media speaker suck-up dinners. We found the following ways to amuse ourselves during an otherwise stiff uneventful dinner party. After they remove the salad plates, hide all flatware, placemats and napkins. Look longingly at the other place settings. After receiving a new place setting, add all of your previous settings to this one or, as we did, give them all to one person and let them determine which of nine forks to use. When we did this, our waiter's head literally did a loop like…