Davezilla.com

Year: 2009

  • More people we can safely dislike #22

    Oh man. I have been subjected to appalling grammar this week. I want to put these folks under citizens arrest … for the murder of the English language!

    1. People who say “360°” when they meant “180°,” as in “His attitude went 360°.” That doesn’t mean he changed his attitude. That means it’s right back where it started, fucktard.
    2. People who mix up there, their and they’re.
    3. People who can’t recall the simple ‘i’ before ‘e’ rule.
    4. Amerikans who kant spell rite. (See below)

    lanaguage

  • Survey Results

    Thank you for taking the poll! 1,240 of you responded. Here is how you responded:

    1. 48% of you want stripper poles
    2. 43% of you want polls brought back
    3. 47% of you want to use your Facebook logins
    4. 34% of you want to use the Google logins that were in the sidebar
    5. 18% of you are rockin’ the OpenIDs
    6. 59% of you want more blog, fewer features
    7. 41% of you wants moar bukkit!
    8. 78% of you want a mix of posts and photos
    9. 18% of you want pictures only
    10. 3% of you can read
    11. 344 of you want more Zilla Girl pictures
    12. 54 of you want me to bring back Anagram Interviews
    13. 19 of you want more pictures of Mandy Locke
    14. 11 of you like bewbs
    15. 2 of you want to know where you left your keys

  • Zilla Survey

    Strictly to serve you better. No salesman will call.
    [SURVEYS 1]

  • Eep!

    So my site seems to have been compromised by clever spammers. Not sure how they got in, but they managed to insert hidden code into thousands of posts that I now have to manually remove. Somehow it is affecting my sidebar and footer as well. The site isn’t showing any PHP errors, but the site hasn’t been working since that spam appeared in my posts. Will keep working on this. Might be a few more days of downtime. Apologies! Meanwhile, enjoy the links.

    And we’re back! So it turned out to be a plugin that borked on me. The spam was coincidental. The plugin wasn’t crucial; it changed the “Older Stuff, Newer Stuff” links at the bottom to pagination numbers (like on CNET).

  • New takes on old phrases

    Try using some of these in a business meeting, or with a customer this week.

    1. Shit or get off the Pope
    2. It’s not pocket science
    3. It is what it was
    4. A jack of all maids
    5. Like white on color
    6. Familiarity breeds mice
    7. Don’t rock the goat
    8. The show must grow lawns
    9. Caught with his pants brown
    10. Sharp as a stack

  • “So I’m a douchebag. So? So?”

    douchebag

  • Tourism Rule No. 23: Blend In

    blend in

    Call me picky, but this isn’t how one blends in when wandering about Detroit.

  • Welcome to Ohio

    Welcome to Ohio

  • Air Travel Probability

    1. At the exact moment you choose to use the airplane lavatory, the fasten seat belt light will come on
    2. The size of the persons on either side of you are directly proportional to the amount of claustrophobia you exhibit
    3. The more sleep deprived you are, the more the person next to you will talk (loudly) about themselves, eat loudly or make rude bodily noises
    4. The last douchebag on the plane will be the first one to scream that he needs to exit the plane now
    5. Aviophobia sufferers (fear of flying) are the sole cause of plane turbulence
    6. The more engrossing your book is, the louder a baby will cry behind you
    7. The hungrier you are, the higher the probability is that the flight will not have food service
    8. The hotter the flight attendant, the more likely it is they will be working the other section of the plane
    9. The tighter your connecting flight times are, the later your first flight will be
    10. The weaker the air vents, the worse the person next to you will stink

    Which ones did I miss? Tell us which ones you know.

  • At the ballet recital

    ballet recital

    From Nicolette who witnessed the horror firsthand at her daughter’s ballet recital

  • Get paid!

    get paid

    Image via stx

  • Things I Learned from Movies: Vampires

    1. They never check a vampire for ID
    2. Likewise, no one asks child vampire why they aren’t in school
    3. The DMV (Department of Motor Vehicles) never seems to notice that vampires are about 2,000 years too old to drive. Oh wait, they OWN the DMVs.
    4. Vampires exist by hard and fast rules. Once you turn, that’s it. Unless you’re in love with a good-looking human. Then you can return to the living by being nice.
    5. Becoming a vampire isn’t like a tattoo where it’s there forever. You can opt out. Just kill the lead vampire, and you can go back to being drab.
    6. Lead vampires are ancient, unstoppable Europeans that yearn for the “old ways”.
    7. Younger vampires are brash Americans with sophisticated technology.
    8. Being a vampire is great for your hair. As soon as you bite a victim, it’s coiffed, teased out and even gets some colors and highlights.
    9. If you’re a male vampire, and you suck a guy’s neck, it’s totally not gay at all. You get to call outs.
    10. If you’re a female vampire biting a female human however, it’s still lesbian and you’ll both end up naked in bed, cause that shit’s hot.

    What have you learned about vampires?