Annoying Words: Christmas 2004 Edition

19 December, 2004Posted inObservations22 Comments
Protracted insurgency: No, it's a war. Plain and simple. Deck: Yes, some sad hipsters still use this. Fab, faboo and fabs: [shudder] Calling white folk crackers. Please. The proper term is "pasty white cracker". Misusing the word mod. Sorry, but painting your rocking chair is not "modding it". Neither is putting a Ché Guevara patch on the army jacket you stole from your dad. Axe: It's a tool, not a guitar. Baby Momma: What’s wrong with loser? Or irresponsible teenager? Being called hon or kiddo by someone 20 years younger than I am. Hair of the dog that bit me:…

Note to Self: 5,105

16 December, 2004Posted inObservations19 Comments
Two soup issues in one week. Unfair. Next time we make boiling hot miso, avoid spilling it directly on the nether regions.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from…

Lacklustre Video

15 December, 2004Posted inObservations16 Comments
As you may have read yesterday, Blockbuster Inc. announced it is eliminating late fees on all its video tapes, DVDs and video games as of January 1st, 2005. However, customers will be given a one-week grace period to return the product. After that grace period ends, Blockbuster will automatically sell them the product, minus the rental fee, and send Mormons to their doorstep. Customers not wishing to purchase the movie can return the product within 30 days for a credit, less an annoying restocking fee, to be collected by some rather unsavory Scientologist Sumo wrestlers. Customers disputing the restocking fee…

Note to Self: 5,104

14 December, 2004Posted inObservations21 Comments
The next time you make corn chowder, try to stay awake for the stirring process.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra sample…

My day so far #2

13 December, 2004Posted inObservations15 Comments
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I was under it. While attempting to extract myself from the boxspring's grasp I was attacked by a band of voracious dust bunnies, that were obviously high on goofers. No quarter was I shown by the merciless ways of the marauding dust bunnies. They removed my upper limbs and replaced them with prosthetic arms fashioned from bed lint, cat hair and not a few lost socks. Needless to say, scraping frost off the windshield proved somewhat difficult. Arriving at work on time, I was unable to find my beloved cubicle.…

Top Ten Hogwarts Pickup Lines

11 December, 2004Posted inObservations19 Comments
Wana ride my Nimbus 2000? Let me show what Slytherin really means. How'd you like to model my Cloak of Invisibility? I've got the biggest wand on campus, babe. I've just mastered levitation, honey. Wanna see something rise? I've done the entire Quidditch team. I'm no werewolf, but I can turn into an animal. I need to practice my Charms homework. May I make your clothes disappear? I didn't make it to Gringotts on time. Can you hold my Knuts for me? Will you be my familiar? viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap…

Top 20 Ways to Annoy Carolers

09 December, 2004Posted inObservations20 Comments
Reward their singing by pouring delicious, hot soup in their chilly hands. Offer to accompany them on the electric sitar and mouth harp. Fill snowballs with yogurt and fire away. Follow in the footsteps of our ancestors by pouring boiling oil out the window on them. Join along in the singing, allowing your Tourette Syndrome to spice things up. Ask them to sing the Coventry Carol in the original Middle English. Should they fulfill this say, "OK fine, but can you sing that while eating a cracker?" Give them leftover Halloween candy and tell them that their costumes aren't very…

Overheard: Cute Niece Edition

07 December, 2004Posted inObservations24 Comments
Niece: [points to her purple jacket] This is unicorn fur. Niece: But don’t worry. It’s fake.viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase viagra online free viagra without prescription viagra attorneys free viagra samples before buying buy generic viagra cheap viagra uk generic viagra online try viagra for free generic viagra from india fda approves viagra free viagra…

Today’s horoscope

06 December, 2004Posted inObservations20 Comments
Aries: An embarassing day. Right in the middle of your presentation to the board of directors, you realize you forgot to wear underwear. And a skirt. Taurus: Damn. No fruit pies left in the vending machine. Gemini: Mercury retrograde goes aginst you as you accidentally book all three of your girlfriends for a date at the same restaurant, on the same night, at the same time. Cancer: Still can't find … remote control … going into … convulsions … Leo: Afternoon spent gazing at your reflection. Or was that all morning? Does it matter? Better spend the evening in front…

Why did you eat my boots, Mr. Krabs?

03 December, 2004Posted inObservations26 Comments
Unless you've been living on Mars, you’ve heard several short news items recently about a rash of Spongebob Squarepants inflatables being stolen from the roofs of Burger King restaurants across the United States. I don’t think the Spongebobs are being stolen. They’re escaping, and they’re up to something. What’s your theory?viagra free viagra buy viagra online generic viagra how does viagra work cheap viagra buy viagra buy viagra online inurl viagra 6 free samples viagra online viagra for women viagra side effects female viagra natural viagra online viagra cheapest viagra prices herbal viagra alternative to viagra buy generic viagra purchase…

Complete this sentence #15

27 November, 2004Posted inObservations20 Comments
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14 year-old Thanksgiving memories

25 November, 2004Posted inObservations23 Comments
Thuisrday, 11am dear deadjournal readers, this may be the last u hear from me. no, i promise no more suicide attempts. 3 years in a row and kurt cobain STILL hasn't contacted me. wanker. i'm sure u smell real good now, kurt. as good as courtney's ruby starfruit. lol!! i fear this is the end. it's thanksgiving today and my parent are dragging me to my enormous carpenter aunt's house for dinner. her food is sheer microwaved venom. i will surely perish. if so, please leave my ipod to kyle (*smooch*) and my hissing cockroach is to be let loose…