Top 20 Ways to Annoy Carolers

  1. Reward their singing by pouring delicious, hot soup in their chilly hands.
  2. Offer to accompany them on the electric sitar and mouth harp.
  3. Fill snowballs with yogurt and fire away.
  4. Follow in the footsteps of our ancestors by pouring boiling oil out the window on them.
  5. Join along in the singing, allowing your Tourette Syndrome to spice things up.
  6. Ask them to sing the Coventry Carol in the original Middle English.
  7. Should they fulfill this say, “OK fine, but can you sing that while eating a cracker?”
  8. Give them leftover Halloween candy and tell them that their costumes aren’t very original.
  9. Correct their pitch.
  10. Rent a polar bear to patrol the yard. Alert the bear to their presence.
  11. Offer to sell them Amway products.
  12. Request some Sammy Hagar.
  13. Answer the door in fetish gear with your significant other on a leash.
  14. Give them cookies laced with illicit drugs.
  15. Begin breakdancing.
  16. Start moaning and tell them that caroling makes you so hot.
  17. Play the Jeopardy theme song every time they begin to sing.
  18. Ask them to sing the dreidel song.
  19. Yell, “Hail, Satan!” at the close of each song.
  20. Wait patiently for them to finish, then tell them in sign language that you are deaf.

Guest co-author Natalie

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  1. Esther

    That’s good stuff! Number 20 is just pure comedy gold, love it.:twisted:

  2. Should I show off my my recent obtain beer-gut, by wearing nothing more than a boxer with my privet expose too? or is that too graphic for the yonger carolers?

  3. mikeB

    I was thinking the same thing, opsirin. Make sure you scratch the nads and belch loudly. :dead:

  4. frisko

    Don’t open the door. Report the fearful noisey gathering to the local authorities.

  5. Re: #19 – make sure you come out in your evil halloween costume when you do that.

  6. Melanie

    Flash them your :boobs::boobs: and demand beads

  7. When the finish, give them the Watchtower magazines the Jehovah Witnesses left at your house at 7:30 in the morning last Saturday. 😛

  8. Anna

    Sometimes the lax gunlaws in the US doo come in handy.

  9. Poofles

    I got nothin’. ReV?

  10. Answer the door in fetish gear with your significant other on a leash.

    Flash them your :boobs::boobs: and demand beads.

    Wait, that’s how I normally answer the door. Is there something weird about that?

  11. Thank you MikeB, I will remember to bring a loudspeaker when I do that.

  12. “Hail Satan!” at the conclusion of each song.

    That is disturbingly wrong. :wtf:

  13. fire is my friend

    when they are finished,ask them if they would stay and help decorate the holiday deer carcass

  14. Yell, “Hail, Satan!” at the close of each song.
    I already do that. 😈

  15. TinaMarie

    You guys are all so cynical. Christmas is a time for sharing.

    When carolers come to my door, I listen patiently, and then offer to sing for them.

    “Feelings….WHOA OH OH Feelings!”

    If that doesn’t make the little fuckers run, I start doing Ethel Merman tunes!

  16. answer the door butt naked … either you’ll get some … or they’ll just leave

    either way you’ll win

  17. Spud

    I kinda liked the “Hail Satan” thingy at the end of each song.

    It seems somewhat appropriate.

    Either that of the Deaf one which I thought was verrrrry clever.


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